Anyone else single at 38 and go on to have a family?

[Panicsingle]

I’m newly single and massively panicking about my future. I have always wanted a partner and a small family. Do I have time? Is 2-3 years enough to meet someone and have a baby? I did a fertility tests with a clinic which says all good. I’d love to hear from other people who were in my situation. Thank you.

Hopeful bump

I have seen women post that they have!
Bumping for you.
I am 35, childless and just split from husband so I hope so.

Yes that was me. I met someone at 38, married at 40 and baby at 41. I was single at 35 thinking I'd just end up alone.

My advice would be (as hard as it sounds) to actually work on yourself during this time and actually have higher standards than ever. Don't just go for the first guy who comes along.

I can't explain it very well but honestly, (I had therapy) when I sat down and went over my healthy boundaries, what I would and wouldn't accept from a man, I started to value myself so much and thought, you know what, I'm only going to be with someone who fully respects me because that is what I'm worth. I started living my life in that way, fully respecting myself, bring healthy and positive, and things started to fall into place.

For me personally I wanted a family, and I only wanted a child with someone who was decent and a good partner and father, because I valued a healthy family (having had a dysfunctional upbringing myself). I wouldn't have chosen to have a child on my own. That's just me. I guess you just need to decide what you would and wouldn't want.

Good luck OP! Anything is possible!

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Thanks for sharing KohLanta so glad it worked out for you! ❤️

Where and when did you meet your partner, if you don’t mind me asking? And how long had you been dating before the serious talks about the future came up? Did you instigate these?

Yes, I have a friend who met her partner at 39, got engaged at 40 and is now pregnant. I have another friend who decided to go it alone and started the process to adopt at age 40. She has a beautiful DD now who she was matched with when she was 42 and her DD 18 months.

It's very common for women to have babies in their early 40s these days. Yes it might take a bit longer to conceive but it absolutely does happen to lots of people.

Best of luck OP.

I met my DH at 38, married at 40 and had baby at 41.
We met on a dating site after years of me being single and dating frogs 🐸
You absolutely still have time.

I am 35 and single and in the same boat as you

I dated aggressively for a couple of years and took a step back from it in beginning of the year after meeting a married man online (dating app - said he was single) and it was very upsetting. But I figured I had tried online for 2/3 years - I gave it a good shot and the outcomes were getting worse

I have just bought a book
'Calling in the one'

It is not what I thought it was going to be - its not about dating and more about developing yourself. I can already feel a shift

I'm a solo mother by choice, I had my son via IVF and a sperm donor. Extremely grateful that I conceived in the first go too aged 39. Certainly wouldn't advise anyone to leave it this date if they can help it.

I was OLD between the ages of 36-39, although I did have two brief relationships, I never met anyone who I saw a future with. What was more important a partner or a child, and at 38 for me it was looking like the two together may not be possible at the same time. I then decided to explore solo motherhood, took agency of my situation as didn't want to end up childless through lack meeting a suitable partner. Best decision ever, and hand on heart I wouldn't change my situation now. My boy is incredible and I never have to worry about custody battles, partner not being on board, differences in parenting etc. Yes it's tough on some days but that's being a parent! Family and friends are fully behind me so I'm not 'alone' per se. I'm back at work and my son is nursery.

I have even recently gone on my first Tinder date; it was so nice and relaxing, just enjoying someone 's company and a cup of coffee without thinking "is this going anywhere" trajectory.

We knew each other from a long time ago actually (only as distant friends) and he reached out via email about something! We met for coffee and the rest is history! Very old school!

When we started seeing each other I was very very cautious. Honestly I wasn't prepared to sacrifice my boundaries or my high standards for just anyone. I'd got myself in a place where I felt happy within myself and my life. So I took it date by date.

One thing I did was promised myself I wouldn't play any games. So I didn't tell any tiny white lies or fibs - eg if he asked my favourite film I didn't try to act cool or say something he liked or whatever. I was just honest. I was honest about what I wanted but kept things boundaried. I never tried to people please or be someone I wasn't. I was very much like "this is me" and if he's the right one then he will want me for who I am.

We dated for a few months and then decided to go on a city break. Before the trip I said I wasn't seeing anyone else and he said neither was he. He said he'd like to be in a relationship with me, and I agreed, so we became official. On the city break we realised we loved each other.

I think once we knew we loved each other we started to talk about future plans. But we both wanted time to enjoy being in a relationship without pressure too so we did fertility assessments then gave ourselves a year. We then quite quickly decided to go for it so moved in, got married and luckily got pregnant.

Honestly I'm so glad I reconciled myself to finding happiness in my life as it was. Then my husband entered my life and only enriched it. He wasn't filling a void, if you see what I mean.

Met DH at 36, married at 37, babies at 39 and 41 (after losses).

When I met my DH I was interested in a family, willing to make an effort (OLD), but also at peace with the idea that it might not happen. I prioritised dating men who seemed like they might be relationship material (honest, employed, could see them being good dads), and tried to understand my own past choices that led to bad relationships and not make the same mistakes again.

Yes, me also. Met my now husband at 38 - had both our children in my forties.
Like @KohLanta I also thought carefully about who I wanted to father my children. We have a very equal relationship - both worked part time to cover childcare when they were preschool etc.
When we met we were both very up front about what we wanted which led to a lot of brutally honest conversations pretty quickly.

My cousin is a single mother by choice (had her children in her forties as well).

Good luck OP!

My mum had my sister at 37. X

I had 2dc in my early 30s, got divorced, met DP at 39 and against many odds had a surprise, unplanned baby at 43. Try not to panic yet!

Yes. Get yourself out there. With friends , coffee shops, online dating, speed stating, spa, comedy nights, night clubs (can be successful), rubbing clubs any sport club really, library literally anywhere unit you MUST buy yourself out there even just hang out with friends at restaurants and bars and go from there. You are a baby you can do it

"rubbing club"

Pahahahahahaaa😂

What strange advice! It sounds rather desperate

I met my husband at 37 and 11 months, if I can be cheeky and sneak in 😄

We have three kids and talked from the first about a family, having both thought the moment had passed us by (my husband is mid-40s). I accidentally caught him talking to a friend at an early stage talking about how he still hoped to settle down and have kids. It really helped to know he wasn't going to mess about.

I'm happily married but also have so much admiration for my friends who are thinking about going it alone. I wish I had been more aware of that as a positive alternative, because I think it would have taken the pressure off.

🤣

@Musttryharder2021

Apologies musttryharder2021 just trying to make sure OP doesn't just let life pass her but. Maybe she should take your advice from your previous posts and have a child by sperm donation? ,, yet my advice is odd 🤣. Stay stop mustreyharder2021

Met DH at 37, married at 38 (one week before my 39th birthday). Now 43 with a baby on the way!

@quietnightmare

Why is having a child using a sperm donor odd?

@quietnightmare it's not, as a woman you want a family, make it happen. Finding a partner, then starting a family could be perfect, but you can't wait for that to happen. No women will regret their baby however it happens xx