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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Affair

85 replies

klk6 · 15/08/2022 03:57

A few weeks ago I found out my husband had been messaging another woman from work (explicit).

Taking photos (in our bedroom) and telling her he was going find an excuse to stay away so he could f* her!!!!. I found the messages and pictures on his work phone.

My whole world has been completely shattered as we’ve only been married 9months. I completely believed we were living the dream and never ever expected this and I’m in complete shock.

I don’t know if I can move on from this. If he can do this so early into our marriage when things were SO good, what will happen in years to come when it may become challenging?

I am utterly devastated and have no idea what to do?

OP posts:
Twawmyarse · 15/08/2022 19:59

My house is completely protected for my future.

How? You are married. If you're talking about a pre-nip they're not worth the paper they're written on.

Get him out asap and start divorce proceedings as soon as you can.

Username0308 · 15/08/2022 22:20

On one hand, it could be a one-off mistake and he's learnt the repercussions of his actions, taken action to prove to you he's not that guy, and he will be the perfect husband going forward.

On the other hand, him quitting his job could just be a knee-jerk reaction as he's panicking at the thought of losing you. But once the dust settles, he may cheat again.

The problem you have is that you will never know which one of those it is.... Do you want to spend your whole life wondering?

I take it that in time he will be able to look for another high-flying job. What then? Will you trust that he isn't messaging his coworkers inappropriately? What about when they go for after-work drinks?

He has created an element of doubt in your mind, I would guess. And you will drive yourself crazy trying to make this work. Cut your losses sooner rather than later.

Davidsonuk · 15/08/2022 22:20

LTB

kateandme · 16/08/2022 07:25

Not excusing an affair.ever.but there was you thinking everything was brilliant.you were big so happy.sex.fun.happiness.he still had an affair.hes even more grotesque.hes just done it because he a filthy scumbag.uttr utter fuckhead.
Get rid op you were happy.no breakdown of marriage.he chose to play away when you gave each other everything at home too?
He is one cocky tosser.
Again I add there is no excuse for affair ever...

I6344 · 16/08/2022 07:33

100% dump his ass. If you forgive him, he will do it again and again and again.
I'm so sorry OP 😢

Sally2791 · 16/08/2022 07:40

Get rid asap, in a short marriage you have a much greater chance of keeping more of your assets. Do not fall for his weeping, get legal advice now.

Kidsfortea · 16/08/2022 07:59

klk6 · 15/08/2022 10:01

My house is completely protected for my future.

I initially said it was be impossible for him to continue in the same job as it would be working with the lady he had an affair with.

his first marriage broke down, typical met young situation. I know this is true, as I get on ok with his previous x. His children have met multiple partners and sadly only aged 7 and 12.

because it’s raw and I’m still in Crisis mode I can’t make decisions and need support for the sake of myself and children.

our marriage WAS absolutely amazing we had so much fun together, loads of sex, weekends away completely buzzing. I can’t get my head around why…..as his answer is there is no “why” as he doesn’t even know why?????

there must be a why?

Because he can I'm afraid. x

Meltingsocks · 16/08/2022 08:18

christmas2022 · 15/08/2022 07:24

I'd you're married then the house is broadly half his.

Not after a 9 month marriage when she has kids living there! Read the OP

Meltingsocks · 16/08/2022 08:19

Twawmyarse · 15/08/2022 19:59

My house is completely protected for my future.

How? You are married. If you're talking about a pre-nip they're not worth the paper they're written on.

Get him out asap and start divorce proceedings as soon as you can.

Not true, the judge will uphold a pre nup as long as it is considered fair. Plus it's a 9 month marriage ffs.

christmas2022 · 16/08/2022 13:00

christmas2022 · 15/08/2022 07:27

Do you have your house protected in any way? As the marriage is still quite new that could go in your favour.

@Meltingsocks

Thanks for your comment - trust you read this

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