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Original poster

Has anyone had any success with inner child work?

72 replies

Fluffylittlepup · 13/08/2022 22:28

My abusive childhood has ruined my life despite me trying so hard to overcome it/learning to accept. Different therapies haven’t worked and something has happened recently to bring it all into sharp focus and I feel destroyed by it.

I just feel so broken and every day I wish I would just eff off and die.

Think the core issue is I’m trapped in terror and always have been so any help/advice would be very much appreciated please.

OP posts:
SnowWhitesSM · 13/08/2022 22:31

Inner child work can work well for some people OP. One thing to keep in mind that is that the brain is always changing and creating new pathways. You do not have to be stuck and in a trauma response for life. Your brain is able to heal.

What have you tried so far?

Original poster
Fluffylittlepup · 13/08/2022 22:34

Thanks for your reply SnowWhite. Have tried group therapy, dynamic therapy, one to one counselling. I have a complete understanding of why I’m the way. I am but never seem to get to the point where I can deal with it all. I feel so broken.

OP posts:
xxcatcatcatxx · 13/08/2022 22:34

Yes 🥰 Check out Alan Robage on YouTube and Patrick Teahan and explore attachment trauma.

I had such bad trust and initimacy issues but have a DP now and a baby 🥰 Unfortunately it is something you have to keep working on and being mindful of. I’ve neglected my healing/ tasks for a couple of weeks and old habits are starting to come back. Good Luck! xxx

SecretMoomin · 13/08/2022 22:36

I’ve heard many have success with NLP for trauma - apparently it acknowledges it but then you’re taught how to move on, rather than trying to delve through it all.

Onandupw · 13/08/2022 22:38

I’ve tried basically everything op. Biggest thing I’ve found is time to be honest. Try and make life as safe as possible. Try and be aware of what your physical and emotional reactions are and try to make them healthier and just time.

it’s awful. But it genuinely is possible to feel better

Abouttimemum · 13/08/2022 22:40

Following because my husband is exactly the same OP. Childhood trauma that he just can’t seem to live with or move on from. It’s getting worse as he gets older, exacerbated by having DS I think, which has focused his mind even more on the way he was treated.

AceSpades54321 · 13/08/2022 22:41

I’ve found internal family systems therapy to be great help for recovering from CPTSD, the key is finding a therapist you feel comfortable with.

Original poster
Fluffylittlepup · 13/08/2022 22:41

Thanks for those cat. Will have a look. I bought the book by Lucia Capacchione and only just started reading it. I can’t explain how beaten and hopeless I feel and so afraid I won’t succeed at the inner child work.

I desperately want to cure myself.

OP posts:
Onandupw · 13/08/2022 22:42

Have you read the Body Keeps The Score?

also pete walkers book on complex ptsd is excellent

Onandupw · 13/08/2022 22:43

I found it more helpful to look at it less as curing myself and more accepting it and moving on from it

Original poster
Fluffylittlepup · 13/08/2022 22:43

Thanks for all your replies. I’m in my sixties yet feel like a pathetic child. I just want peace but my mind won’t let me.

OP posts:
Onandupw · 13/08/2022 22:44

yeah it’s tough. But you totally can move forward.

SnowWhitesSM · 13/08/2022 22:47

Have you read the body keeps the score yet?

I'd recommend it. And I'd recommend something active that you can have fun with and feel safe.

Sometimes it's learning how to feel safe in our bodies and then the brain feels safe to accept and process the trauma.

Some people get on really well with innerchild work. If you want to give it a go I second the Patrick Teahan suggestion. Watch his youtubes around inner child work. I once did a meditation where it went back to my childhood home and I looked for my inner child, hugged it and talked to it. It was pretty emotional but what support can you put in place for yourself if you start this work? These things can get worse before they get better. Maybe start small with a photo of your childhood self stuck on a mirror and every day tell your younger self something positive and connect with it.

Remember the things your younger self loved to do, art, music, activities, then treat yourself to do it.

I do think inner child work is just getting to know yourself and who you were before your childhood trauma changed you. Make it an exciting adventure. The more you find yourself the more you will feel safe and your brain will take you out of survival mode where you react rather than respond.

Bluehanger · 13/08/2022 22:48

I'm in the same situation with a marriage break down after 30 years of abuse so I just wanted to say. I know how you're feeling and really wish you well and hope you find peace in the near future. Flowers

Original poster
Fluffylittlepup · 13/08/2022 22:48

Onandupw · 13/08/2022 22:42

Have you read the Body Keeps The Score?

also pete walkers book on complex ptsd is excellent

Onandupw, that’s what I have, cptsd and it definitely fits all my symptoms. I do believe I was trying to deal with it all but what’s happened recently has taken me right back there and it’s horrible.

OP posts:
ThatshallotBaby · 13/08/2022 22:49

@Fluffylittlepup
I have had some success. I kind of did it myself. I thought about a nasty childhood memory, and I imagined my adult self walking into the room, that was too frightening, so I imagined my mate coming into the room with me. I just stood near my child self. This was very hard, and I repeated it until I felt ok enough to go in on my own.

Then I remembered other stuff. This has taken me years. Now if I feel scared, or wrong or lonely, I say to myself ‘I stand by you’
Its a slow process, but it has helped me. You are very welcome to pm me if you would like me to explain more.
I wish you all the very very best. Flowers

Original poster
Fluffylittlepup · 13/08/2022 22:50

Bluehanger · 13/08/2022 22:48

I'm in the same situation with a marriage break down after 30 years of abuse so I just wanted to say. I know how you're feeling and really wish you well and hope you find peace in the near future. Flowers

Bless you Bluehanger, I wish for peace for you too. 💐

OP posts:
Schtuck · 13/08/2022 22:50

John Bradshaw - Homecoming. Best to work through it with a therapist.

You can look up his talks on YouTube too

ThatshallotBaby · 13/08/2022 22:51

I can’t look at photos of myself as a child without feeling sad.

Schtuck · 13/08/2022 22:52

CPTSD - Pete Walker - From Surviving to Thriving

applecatchers36 · 13/08/2022 22:52

Also Eye Movements Desensitisation Reprocessing can help with childhood trauma you can look for someone with complementary skills in attachment/ inner child work & EMDR
Robin Shapiro has written books/ could google
It is never too late to have therapy and process trauma and move forward in your life

Oprah Winfrey and Bruce Perry book is good ' what happened to you?'

Original poster
Fluffylittlepup · 13/08/2022 22:57

ThatshallotBaby · 13/08/2022 22:49

@Fluffylittlepup
I have had some success. I kind of did it myself. I thought about a nasty childhood memory, and I imagined my adult self walking into the room, that was too frightening, so I imagined my mate coming into the room with me. I just stood near my child self. This was very hard, and I repeated it until I felt ok enough to go in on my own.

Then I remembered other stuff. This has taken me years. Now if I feel scared, or wrong or lonely, I say to myself ‘I stand by you’
Its a slow process, but it has helped me. You are very welcome to pm me if you would like me to explain more.
I wish you all the very very best. Flowers

Thanks for sharing your success, it gives me hope.

currently, I have a photo of me at 4 years old and I’m looking at it every day asking her how I can help her. It’s not easy as I am ashamed of her/of me. Such awful shame and fear. How can I be a good protector of her when all I’ve ever done is let her and myself down?

OP posts:
Onandupw · 13/08/2022 23:00

Aw @Fluffylittlepup it wasn’t you that let her down.

you’ve made it to where you are now and you can look after you going forward

xxxx

SnowWhitesSM · 13/08/2022 23:01

Stop asking her OP and just tell her you love her. That's all you need to do atm until you accept that part of you without shame.

You got this. It's amazing that you're being brave enough to start this journey.

Original poster
Fluffylittlepup · 13/08/2022 23:02

ThatshallotBaby · 13/08/2022 22:51

I can’t look at photos of myself as a child without feeling sad.

That’s how I feel, isn’t it so sad. 💐

OP posts: