SlightyConfussedMostOfTheTIME ·
12/08/2022 09:42
Because of my first question receiving a few comments that helped, which you may want to view as it explains a fair bit about my ex and the fact I didn't want a divorce, although that question was related to my daughter.
Anyhow. After nearly two years of being apart, and having been divorced for eight months, I wrote to my Ex to let her know about my intention to go on holiday, this would be the first time since all our troubles started, and I had decided to go alone to get that "Manned Up" feeling again, although I had friends offer to go with me, I decided it was the right thing to do. Anyhow, in my email, we haven't spoken a physical word to each other in nearly two years, I discussed our youngest daughter, we have two. Hence those interested might wish to see what I wrote on another matter as it's certainly pertinent given it explains a lot about the sort of person she is and how she's acted.
But not to digress. After said email is obviously read by her she sends me a reply, unusual to say the least, then shortly after I receive a call from a mobile number I didn't know, I run a business so it's not unusual for this to happen. Picking up, I hear the Ex say, hi it's X, and that it's easier to talk about our daughter in person, and being we live at the opposite ends of the same small town, I agreed but feeling rather apprehensive about it, but this was our daughter and not knowing what needed, or was going to be said we made arrangements to meet her half way, but to be honest, the thought of seeing her again, irrespective of everything gave be butterflies.
So, an hour later I walk up to the bar where she's sitting outside, she has a bottle of beer waiting on the table, and there she was, just as I remember, my wife of thirty three years looking back at me. I sat and for a few minutes I made her laugh, made her smile and her eyes twinkled in the sun with the light blue hue that I fell for so badly for all those years ago.
Then things turned a bit........serious. She looks straight at me and said.....I had a brain bleed in June and nearly died, pulling her hair back on the side of her head and showing me a scar of around six inches long!
In between wanting to cry, vomit with shock and all whilst still trying to maintain a degree of dignity as the place was packed, she went into this meltdown, one that I remember well, f-ing this and that for all to hear, me? I was still sitting in stunned silence with my eyes fixed on hers, afterall, this was the first I have heard of it. She told me she had sworn our kids to silence, which felt like an icy finger at the nape of my neck, this was my first issue that did not actually involve her. Firstly the 19yo was living with me and I was having a lot of problems with her a few months ago, which I tried to pass off as an age thing, but she'd break out into tears occasionally and I'd offer some reassuring words and give her a cuddle say that I was always here for her and she could say, or tell me anything, but apparently not!
At the same time my eldest daughter, 23 and had just started her first teaching job, became more distant, which I put down to her work commitments, but that just wasn't the case at all. Me being the person I am, no matter what the past had involved between us, I sat, listened to the ex, I talked a little, she talked a lot, and then she, without any regard to what was being discussed said, but I'm glad you're going on holiday!
Then it hit me like a sledgehammer, and once again I felt like a fool with her in front of me, not seeing the obvious, she wasn't here to talk to me about our daughter, or even to "finally" tell me about her near death experience, she was here to screw up my holiday......Or, was she? ergo the question, what's people's opinion? My mind is blown, A, for the fact I hadn't a clue. B, she made our girls promise not to tell me anything, which effectively meant their biggest support mechanism was removed. C, had she died then there were no plans, no information, no nothing.
Being a decent, caring person I think what she did was cruel, especially as there was never any mention of violence or fear emparted on the Ex from me, she just turned into something she wasn't for nearly three decades preceding the start of her/our problems, and if the truth be told, it was strictly the other way round, so what could, or would it have hurt for me to know and to look after our kids when they needed me most.
Anyhow, I have a tendency to waffle, a few people on my previous question noted this, but I talk for a living and because of the job I have little to no filters and tend to write more because nothing is taboo and everything is connected.
As ever, your advice, comments and thoughts would be greatly appreciated.