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Original poster

He dumped me after an argument - excuse?

58 replies

Fallingslowly26 · 11/08/2022 18:14

I (29 F) was dating a guy I met on Bumble (33M) for two months. We got into a bit of an argument over text at the weekend. I told him he wasn’t really making much of an effort with me/his communication had been off because he’d gone away for the weekend and hadn’t mentioned anything about it beforehand. I had hoped to see him at the weekend.

My Bumble profile was on pause (I thought this was going somewhere) but I’d noticed that his profile was still active had been logging into the app. I was disappointed to see that he’d logged into the app in the city he was visiting, and brought it up, saying that it made me so unsure of where we stood. I told him my app had been paused for ages.

instead of talking to me about it, he shut the conversation down , saying he was tired and then he ignored me for three days. When he came back from the trip, he texted me saying it was over .

I was really upset and called him to talk things over. He said that he’d failed an important exam at work that has the potential to jeopardise his career - if he fails his resits, his job will essentially be over. He said he had realised after our argument that it was going to be very difficult juggling a relationship plus all the work needed to pass his resits and didn’t have the energy or capacity to devote time to both.

is this an excuse? In the past I have felt like people I have dated who are going through exams or difficult times have just found a way to make it work , and have been really clear about availability to manage expectations. Plus, there’s the issue of him logging into apps. He claims he can’t devote time to a relationship , but then why would he be constantly on the apps?

OP posts:
redskyatnight · 11/08/2022 18:22

Why does it matter if it's an excuse or the truth? Or maybe just a way of letting you down gently? He's not that into you and you don't trust him. You've only been seeing each other for 2 months. This relationship doesn't really have legs.

ScarlettnotOHara · 11/08/2022 18:24

Sorry but he’s just not interested in a relationship with you ! Don’t chase him ! At least he’s made it clear sooner rather than later.

dontforgettofloss · 11/08/2022 18:25

If things are this difficult two months in, then you should just move on

Jellybean23 · 11/08/2022 18:34

You are not the one for him, you have to accept that and move on.

GordonBennetttt · 11/08/2022 18:35

Does it matter ? He's wasted enough of your time by the sounds of it just block him and move on.

spinachmonster · 11/08/2022 18:40

Might not feel like it now, but I bet in future you'll look back and be relieved this happened. I bet you'll meet someone much better suited in time. Look after yourself. Flowers

CantGetDecentNickname · 11/08/2022 18:50

Yes, it's an excuse, but you'd be best just letting him go and not contacting him again.

easylisten · 11/08/2022 18:52

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Watchkeys · 11/08/2022 18:54

He wasn't making enough effort for you, he was still using a dating app, he shuts down when you try to talk to him... Why do you want to be with him?

WomanHere · 11/08/2022 19:20

He doesn’t want a relationship with you for whatever reason. Forget about him, after two months you can move on quickly yourself.

Minoloso · 11/08/2022 19:39

You posted recently about this. You need to know your worth. After 2 months he doesn’t really owe you anything and it sounds like a lot of drama. Once you set your boundaries and know your worth, men like this are so easy to put on the twat list. Move on but first work on yourself. Don’t let stupid idiots like this demean you!!

Bubbafly · 11/08/2022 19:40

Let him go and stop watching what he is doing and calling him. He's not into it.

Aubree17 · 11/08/2022 20:03

I think your gut was telling you things weren't right.
Him not making much effort.
Him logging into a dating app.
Shutting you down when you tried to discuss it with him.
Then ultimately ending things. Do I think it was an excuse? Probably.

It wasn't right. With the right person things won't be this hard. Let him go and turn the focus to you for a while. Get yourself a little
project going on.

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 11/08/2022 20:13

You're right that people going through hard times find ways to make it work, and to devote time and attention to their relationship - when they truly want to, and when they feel invested in that other person. Unfortunately he doesn't feel that way about you, he doesn't really care so as far as he's concerned it's all too much like hard work and he'd prefer to just throw in the towel. I'm sorry, it's shit and it's not you. Be happy you're now free to pursue a relationship where you are a priority.

Original poster
Fallingslowly26 · 11/08/2022 21:23

@Theredfoxfliesatmidnight yep, feels like he wanted to have his cake and eat it. And not really truly bother about a relationship/only wanted to be with someone who wasn’t going to call him out for selfish behaviour

OP posts:
Original poster
Fallingslowly26 · 11/08/2022 21:25

@Watchkeys for two months I thought he was into me and this was going somewhere. I raised some concerns and abruptly everything was just over . It’s hard to get my head around

OP posts:
Original poster
Fallingslowly26 · 11/08/2022 21:25

@easylisten definitely a grass is always greener mentality with a lot of these guys!

OP posts:
Smellywellyhoo · 11/08/2022 21:56

He hasn't really done anything wrong. It's two months in and he's let you know that it's not working for him. I'm not sure what more you want from him?

Ilovemycat1 · 11/08/2022 22:08

You posted about this before
Not being the post police but please let it go

I know it is upsetting and you really liked him

He ghosted you last weekend and is now coming back with some wishy washy excuse

Please leave him alone and forget him

Ilovemycat1 · 11/08/2022 22:10

Fallingslowly26 · 11/08/2022 18:14

I (29 F) was dating a guy I met on Bumble (33M) for two months. We got into a bit of an argument over text at the weekend. I told him he wasn’t really making much of an effort with me/his communication had been off because he’d gone away for the weekend and hadn’t mentioned anything about it beforehand. I had hoped to see him at the weekend.

My Bumble profile was on pause (I thought this was going somewhere) but I’d noticed that his profile was still active had been logging into the app. I was disappointed to see that he’d logged into the app in the city he was visiting, and brought it up, saying that it made me so unsure of where we stood. I told him my app had been paused for ages.

instead of talking to me about it, he shut the conversation down , saying he was tired and then he ignored me for three days. When he came back from the trip, he texted me saying it was over .

I was really upset and called him to talk things over. He said that he’d failed an important exam at work that has the potential to jeopardise his career - if he fails his resits, his job will essentially be over. He said he had realised after our argument that it was going to be very difficult juggling a relationship plus all the work needed to pass his resits and didn’t have the energy or capacity to devote time to both.

is this an excuse? In the past I have felt like people I have dated who are going through exams or difficult times have just found a way to make it work , and have been really clear about availability to manage expectations. Plus, there’s the issue of him logging into apps. He claims he can’t devote time to a relationship , but then why would he be constantly on the apps?

Maybe if he spent less time wanking over his Bumble he would have passed his exam

Have no sympathy OP

Mumofnarnia · 11/08/2022 22:19

It’s an excuse! He said it’s going to be hard juggling a relationship with and the work he needs to pass… but then goes on bumble! That’s your answer there! I can juggle work he needs to pass with everyone else on bumble….. except you

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 11/08/2022 22:25

You were two months in and hasn't discussed exclusivity I'm assuming? He did nothing wrong and was probably concerned at your need for communication when he was busy etc. Let him go

Junebughustle · 11/08/2022 22:26

OP, to be brutally honest you have been quite intense for such a short relationship.

Had you discussed being exclusive at all?

How old are you approximately as that will help assess the situation?

Junebughustle · 11/08/2022 22:27

Sorry just read the post again and seen your ages.

You have been far too intense if exclusivity hadn't been discussed.

Smellywellyhoo · 11/08/2022 22:45

OP you have posted a lot about this guy and your previous guy. Nothing wrong with that but you do seem to get very intense and very attached very quickly. Something to work on before your next tryst.