Caught my partner commenting on a woman's body on Facebook

[workiskillingme]

Well more to the point a friend did and showed me. I laughed it off when I told him someone had showed me but inside I feel utterly disgusting and insecure
He was basically saying how 'hot' someone was - exact opposite to what I am, surgically enhanced very over sexualised etc
The killer is he's always maintained he doesn't like that type of woman 🙄
What do I do 😢

Yeah... I'd dump over this. Any man who openly objectifies women and on a social platform, humiliating you? No thanks.

I'd be horrified and massively embarrassed. It would utterly diminish him in my eyes. Tell him to take it down immediately and never do such a thing again.

How old is he?

About 13 I would guess

You already know the answer to your question

His true colours have been exposed. He's shown you who he is and what he likes.
It's actions that matter, not words.

How long have you been together?

Every guy says they hate that type of body/looks on a women but secretly they love it.

Urgh why did you laugh it off. I would have gone mad bad enough if you had seen it but to have a friend tell you is just horrible. Disgusting perv

I don’t understand the responses. How is it humiliating to you or pervy to compliment a woman’s picture on FB? Do you only find one “type” of man to be “hot”? As in is it only blonde, blue-eyed, tanned body builders a la Chris Hemsworth (Thor) that are “hot”? Most sane people can see hotness in a wide diversity of body types and looks. So just because he’s commented on a woman’s picture in FB that she is “hot” doesn’t mean he doesn’t think you are also “hot”. Numerous studies have even shown that men tend to have more inclusive definitions of hotness (beauty and sexual attractiveness) than so women, so this isn’t some strange out there opinion I have. And a partner can’t compliment anyone else’s photos ever on FB because it’s “humiliating”? Really? That’s weirdly controlling jealousy type behaviour imho.

@Discovereads Can you please link to these studies? I'd be fascinated to read more on this subject.

It's not so much that he thinks this lady is hot - so what, right? We all like different things and some of them aren't our usual types, and it's fine to fancy people even in a committed relationship. It's the fact that he's made the effort to make this comment on her post. It's gross, objectifying, and embarrassing. Imagine him saying things like this to women in person? I don't see how this is different. I would be mortified if I saw my partner writing stuff like that. It immediately lumps him into a category of men that I just want nothing to do with.

Just like I wouldn't expect my partner to wolf whistle at another woman, I also wouldn't expect him to comment on their physical appearance online.

Disrespectful to our relationship in the extreme. He's an adult and perfectly capable of admiring an attractive person and keeping his thoughts to himself.

I don't care that he finds me hot also and he may find more than one type of woman attractive, but I'm the only one he should be telling.

It depends on the person to me. If they are a celebrity that's no different to me saying Chris Hemsworth is hot. If it's a person we both actually know, that's not right as it looks like you're going to stray. You may think they are hot, but you don't tell them.

In some cultures the saying goes that you whet your appetite wherever you want, but you only eat at home.

If he was talking about a celeb then I don't think it's a big deal. But if he was commenting this one the page of someone he actually knows...I'd probably dump him tbh. Because it's disrespectful to you.

Creepy.

I understand men will look at women, but there really is no need to slobber so obviously over the glamour model type of pictures and post comments like ''hot''.

Also I can't help but think that if he routinely actively seeks and comments on the social accounts of these women, he must be hoping that one of them will engage further in conversation.

It is to save people's feelings. Bit rude to say you love a certain body type or look if your partner doesn't fit that look themselves.

Despite the above it is strange behaviour to comment. Bit icky tbh

That would give me the ick, thank fuck I’m married to an actual grown up. i’m sure he’s found other women attractive but he manages to keep it inside his own head.

Women are officially pickier than men on dating sites, study finds
www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/women-men-dating-websites-picky-australia-study-a8418886.html

Women act like men when they switch seats at speed dating
“The typical speed-dating event relies heavily on the “male approaches female” norm. Consistent with the norm, speed-dating research reveals that women are pickier than men when indicating interest in potential partners, with men indicating interest in roughly half the potential partners and women indicating interest in roughly a third.” This study found evidence that men are less picky not because they are men, but because of our societal gender roles where man pursues woman. When the roles were swapped, the results flipped.

Are today’s women too picky for their own good?
“Last week, a University of Western Sydney survey of 5,500 singletons aged 21-76 from around the world showed that women are now substantially pickier than men across 20 different categories.”

Oops where’d two of my links go?
www.telegraph.co.uk/men/thinking-man/are-todays-women-too-picky-for-their-own-good/

theconversation.com/women-act-like-men-when-they-switch-seats-at-speed-dating-20730

I agree with this. If my DH were making comments on hotness of one of his mates wives or one of my friends on FB, I’d take a dim view of it.

But some internet random or a celebrity? Not bothered.

Not a big deal unless it’s your sister or a school mum or teacher or something. Would mean nothing to me.

Why are you judging yourself and not him.

get some self esteem and lose the dickhead

I was going to say the same - even down to Chris Hemsworth being my "go to"

If there was a thread on here along the lines of "I commented that a guy from love island was hot when I saw his picture on Facebook and my husband has left me over it" I'm sure there wouldn't be many responses saying "well good on him, you totaly disrespected him" - I think most would be "what an over-reation, you're better off without he weirdo"

Is it somone you actuall know OP?

He wasn’t “making comments”, he wrote out a comment on social media for anyone to see