Caught my partner commenting on a woman's body on Facebook

[workiskillingme]

Well more to the point a friend did and showed me. I laughed it off when I told him someone had showed me but inside I feel utterly disgusting and insecure
He was basically saying how 'hot' someone was - exact opposite to what I am, surgically enhanced very over sexualised etc
The killer is he's always maintained he doesn't like that type of woman 🙄
What do I do 😢

That's humiliating. I'd tell him so.

On FB there is what is known as a “comments section” you know for making comments. Just like right now I am making a post on MN to you.

There’s nothing perverted about it. It’s pretty normal to find people attractive.

I think it's a bit disrespectful, does he care if you do similar?

It’s normal to find people attractive. It becomes pervy when you write on Facebook that they’re really hot.

No, it really doesn’t.

It's pretty sad to trawl through fb telling people they are hot though.

No sadder than trawling through mumsnet to tell people they’re being unreasonable or to LTB. We all got hobbies 🤷‍♀️

Massively disrespectful

@Discovereads not all hobbies are equal though 🤷🏻‍♀️

Only if you’re a judgemental sort. If something gives someone pleasure or satisfaction and harms no one, then who are we to judge? Objectively the risk of one person feeling disrespected due to “looking hot” comments made online has less potential harm than an OP divorcing her partner due to LTB comments made online.

Call him out on it, it's disrespectful in so many ways

Op, your gut is clearly telling you that you didn't like this otherwise you wouldn't have written this post. Please don't minimise your concerns and suppress your feelings. I'm not saying ltb, but it is okay to have your own limits, wants, and needs in a relationship. It's okay to say "this is not something I find respectful". It is okay to say that to your partner, otherwise what's the point? Other people on this thread would be fine with it and they have every right to feel that way in their own relationship - but it doesn't mean its right for you. Only you can decide.

This is so true.

I wouldn't like it either. There's no need for it, and I'd find it incredibly embarrassing if friends saw it, as I have been embarrassed for friends when their partners have done similar.

Only if you’re a judgemental sort. If something gives someone pleasure or satisfaction and harms no one, then who are we to judge?

did you miss the OP? it has upset her. I've not said anything about LTB though.

@Discovereads really does have a point! A bit over reactive, the first few posts.

That said, I hate the juvenile and porny American expression “hot” and on a literal and cultural levelled could never forgive that 🤷‍♀️

I would tell him you aren't comfortable with him commenting on other women's posts in that way. I'm sure he wouldn't like it if you were doing that to his friends or any other men..

Very tacky. Of course once we are in a relationship we don't stop finding other people attractive, that would be nuts.

In general I find it sad to comment on posts like this, by either sex, even with celebrities. The fact its someone you know would be a deal breaker for me. I just think its poor form, disrespectful to you, and as I said before, incredibly tacky.

My DP commented on his old high school friends pic " Still just as beautiful 😏" She replied back " Back at ya Handsome " I am supposed to not have a problem with it.

@Discovereads Unfortunately you seem amiss to the fact that many men make judging and commenting on womens body a hobby and this hobby is far more detrimental than people making social commentary on ‘issues’or giving advice on mumsnet .
Womens bodies are not there for men to critique
You sound like someone who doesn’t have a lot of education on gender issues or the different ways in which men and woman are portrayed on social media … sexism , the way womens bodies are held to much higher standards than mens , the sexual harassment of women and girls that results from a culture where critiquing womens bodies . Either that or you don’t care ?
when’s the last time you saw sites full of men with their ass cheeks spread in g strings looking back over their shoulders suggestively or their legs open legs open … just as many women are on mainstream so called soft platforms …?
you simply don’t . At best you see men showing muscle or topless
Men are rarely portrayed in the same degree of sexualisation as woman and their bodies arnt scrutinised the way womens are .
many women are simply not putting up with sleazy men who want to continue behaving like that and not should they . I understand some women are uneducated and or want to bury their heads in the sand and pretend it’s the same thing but it’s not.

Yes seems some people have a difference understanding the difference between finding someone attractive ( which we all do ) and feeling so inspired and driven by that feeling that one has to comment on it …. Even for the world to see on social media

If the point is that we all find other people attractive regardless of being in a relationship , yes I don’t think anyones disagreed but discover seems to think it’s acceptable to be a twat and comment
i have to wonder., considering discover thinks there’s a need to comment one’s thoughts on appearance should they also tell people if they think they are dogs 😂

Urgh my h did something similar a few years back when he accidentally sent me a DM meant for a bikini clad woman on IG it read "hot as always". I was very upset and felt disrespected but he deleted IG and understood why I felt upset. 4 years later in May this year I found his profile on a dating website, we were very much still married. We are now divorcing, for some they just can't resist. I wish I'd LTB 4 years ago and saved myself a lot of heartache 😔

Numerous studies have even shown that men tend to have more inclusive definitions of hotness (beauty and sexual attractiveness) than so women,

Oh, he’s being inclusive, is he?

What a kind, progressive man! The OP should consider herself lucky!

I think I'd be sick. Then leave the bastard !!!