Anyone else’s partner do this

[Emmasumm]

So my boyfriend lives at my house. Does anyone else’s partner say they are going for “one quick drink” and it never is that it ends up being hours and sometimes he doesn’t even let me know. It’s not often he goes out but it’s causing major anxiety.

We’ve been together for two years and he’s been at mine for a year and a half

What's done is done so I won't labour the point too much but you moved a man in with your child after six months.

This shows poor judgement and I think it's time to put your son first by ending this relationship especially as you say he's 'no role model' to your son.

It's an anonymous forum so you could be general about what he did eg drugs / violence without being outing. It's absolutely your right not to share that but the fact you haven't done so makes me think it's one of those two things. In which case it's worrying you're considering continuing the relationship at all.

i didn’t “move someone in” he has his own house. Some people live together after 2 months some people get married after 6 weeks. He gradually started spending more time at my house. However I’m not going to argue on this point. I said I didn’t want to disclose what happened and even if it’s anonymous forum I still don’t want to. This is NOT related to drugs.so I don’t disclose and you jump to that conclusion?

someone can show red flags not till years into a relationship where they could have already moved in no matter the timescale. I appreciate your response

im sure maybe that I could be seen as having some red flags too

The points that you raised earlier has been enough for me to evaluate my relationship and I’ve put that this is not the relationship for me and I have a much greater understanding of this now. Maybe I have shown poor judgement but hey I’m not perfect none of us are

My now ex did this. The day our son was born I was up at 4 am calling hospitals because I had no idea where he was, wouldn't answer his phone or return texts. That was the last straw for me after months of putting up with it. Half the time it wasn't even nights out. He works in a pub and they'd have a lock in but he wouldn't even have the decency to let me know, just let me worry myself senseless while heavily pregnant.

DP always asks me is it okay if he goes out (giving me the opportunity to say no - but I never do - it's politeness), and he lets me know approx what time he will be home.

It's just manners.

Oh my word that’s awful 😓.

There's your answer. Even if you can't work out if he is right for you, despite going on two day benders once a month, and getting in "trouble", and you feeling anxious, then surely you can see that it's not good for your child to witness this, nor your reaction to it.

Ask him to move back to his house, reclaim your space for your child and get back on track. Your DC deserves a calm and happy home and your boyfriend isn't contributing towards this being the case.

I totally agree. I think I’m going to say to him tonight that he needs to go back to his. Also the trust is rapidly disappearing everytime he doesn’t stick to his word. Life is hard enough trying to be a mum and work and hold it all together without this unnecessary stress

Two day benders = a fuck ton of Coke going up his nose.

Did this ‘trouble’ involve drugs and the police?

Whatever it is, get this absolute prick away from your poor son.

Exactly! A partner should add to your stress. A partner should share the work / burden