DP spending his redundancy money to go abroad alone for a wedding! Am I unreasonable?

[Keli1984]

Dp and I moved in together 12 months ago, we bought a house with joint mortgage and equity from my house. DP has been made redundant and I'm now sole earner, we are both paying half mortgage and bills, I couldn't afford to do so on my own.

DP is setting up a business so currently no income and using his redundancy money ongoing, but this will run out in October this year. This is really worrying me as I don't know how we can afford this house without any income from DP.

The issue is that, he is going to his friends wedding abroad which will cost about £2000 for 10days... this is 3 months 50% of the mortgage and bills and I feel DP is not prioritising our house, everything we have built up and our relationship.

I don't have a problem with him going to the wedding, just that I'm in a position where I sold my affordable house to buy our house and now that is at risk!!

I was asked to go but didn't really want to waste the money to go to a wedding of people I don't know!

I would have liked to take my son away, while DP is away but I've had to accept I can't afford to do that.

Recently we have been away for 5days holiday in this country and he was complaining we have no money and can't afford it.. yet he can go on holiday on his own and spend all that money!

I know it's his money and he can do with it what he likes but I'm feeling in a vulnerable position and also like he is not considering our house or future.

Am I being unreasonable? How can I approach the subject without looking like I'm annoyed he's going on holiday for 10days and I'm not!

Doesn't sound like he can afford to be only setting up the business. Generally people will continue to work another job when a new business is in its infancy until a profit is being made that is enough to be your salary unless its a business which gives an instant salary such as a tradesman, even then they generally need to build up enough customers to make a good income. What is his new business?

Hence why I said he might of looked for a full time job. I’m sure he’s not stupid. He’ll know if the business fails that he needs a full time job. He is taking care of the responsibilities. Ops child is hers and technically he doesn’t need to pay for the child if it isn’t his.

maybe he’s depressed at losing his job I have no idea. But this is a friends wedding and I’d never forgive my partner for moaning about me wanting to go,

What do you mean - taking care of responsibilities? He's living off his redundancy money with no actual plan. Because if he HAD a plan, OP would know it, & wouldn't be feeling so anxious.

A brand new business is highly unlikely to be making steady, profitable revenue by October @CharlotteRose90. If OP's partner had a solid business plan & projections, she wouldn't be posting here about it in turmoil.
If he was jobseeking - she wouldn't be so worried she's turned to a forum to ask advice.

If you were my partner & behaved similarly, you wouldn't need to waste your petulant energy on "never forgiving". I'd have the house back on the market & be disengaging from you & your cavalier attitude.
It would be the feckless sulking about a 10 day jolly abroad, while refusing to tell me where next quarter's bills & mortgage money was coming from, that would kill it for me. Utterly selfish & entitled.

Wow @Keli1984 . You're not wrong at all. That's a big chunk of money to spend when he has a mortgage to pay and doesn't really know when he'll have a regular source of income. I'd feel the way you do. xx

This relationship is doomed. Sorry, but it's true

Do you see a future with this an now he has shown you that he is still living as a single man with benefits.what plans has he put in place for his business? I am sorry, but you should start looking at how much your house might sell for, should you need to sell it before Christmas. Hopefully, it will have made some money.
Don’t marry him.
Don’t have a child with him

I hope you ring fenced your deposit OP. He is playing you for a mug. Tell him he needs to contribute half or you should sell up and you get your deposit back. Buy a smaller house on your own. This man has no sense of financial responsibility and if you do anything you will end up going into debt because of him and his spending.