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He either hates me or just doesnt give a fuck , either way I think I'm done.
65

Doppily · 06/08/2022 04:42

Its 5am where I am. I have been awake since 1:20am. I got to sleep at 12am after a grand total of 6 hours sleep in the previous 48 hours due to caring for an ill pet .
The pet has been ill since last monday, has been awake all night for 4 nights since then.
H is what you would call careful with money, so is putting off taking the pet to the vets. Pet has got dramatically worse in the last 24 hours.
H claims that he doesn't hear when the pet is ill in the night so I am the one responsible for getting up. H is retired, I am on A/L atm.
I told him that I would stay up with the pet until midnight then sleep on the couch until the pet woke to go to he toilet again, hopefully after 3 or 4 hours as I was knackered, but that because of my back and hips I'd have to lie on the bed after that, but I would stay awake to listen out for the pet so I could see to it or wake DH , as I'm going slightly mad with sleep deprivation. All agreed, until H goes to an event this afternoon and I text to let him know that the pet has had more diarrhoea and I'm booking him in with the vet. He then speaks to an acquaintance, who told him apparently that the pet is ill because of me. I dont walk him for long enough- I suspect that DH had told him that for the last day I've only been doing short walks as I'm knackered and so is the pet.
H loves to find a way to pin blame on me, so this suits him down to the ground.
Back to tonight- he firstly comes in shouting that I've made the pet ill until I point out that the pet has been ill for 5 days and the short walks have only been over the last 24 hours. I then go over tonight's plan AGAIN.
He then deliberately wakes us both up at 1:20 to say goodnight, so the pet is up again . He goes to bed & I'm trying to stay awake.
Well done for wading through this wall of text . So he is either punishing me as he blames me for the pet being ill OR he cares so little for my welfare that he didnt bother listening to the plan at all. Either way I am seriously considering ending our marriage. I an sick and tired of being blamed for situations that I have no control over, this is the final nail in the coffin.

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Doppily · 06/08/2022 04:50

Just to clarify, as I left it out of the op, I'm on strong painkillers for my hips and back, so daren't fall asleep after I've taken them or I wont hear the pet

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vaingina · 06/08/2022 04:53

I am very sorry about your pet. I am even sorrier about your husband. Can you make the decision to take pet to vet? If my husband was up to this nonsense and denying the pet care I would sort it myself. I couldn’t be with a man that allowed an animal to suffer. I hope your pet is better soon.

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CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 06/08/2022 04:58

PP is quite right. Why is H doing none of the care? I presume because he's a selfish waste of space?

Quite often we can potter along in bad situations for too long, but it takes a crisis point to prompt action. Maybe this is your moment.

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Doppily · 06/08/2022 05:02

vaingina · 06/08/2022 04:53

I am very sorry about your pet. I am even sorrier about your husband. Can you make the decision to take pet to vet? If my husband was up to this nonsense and denying the pet care I would sort it myself. I couldn’t be with a man that allowed an animal to suffer. I hope your pet is better soon.

Pet is booked in for tomorrow with the vet. H is mean, pure and simple. The older he gets the more it comes out.

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Furrydogmum · 06/08/2022 05:02

Your H sounds awful and abusive. Please don't let him stop your pet getting the medical care it needs. I'm sorry you're in so much pain too. I hope you find the strength to end the marriage. Please let us know how you get on at the vets.

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Doppily · 06/08/2022 05:03

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 06/08/2022 04:58

PP is quite right. Why is H doing none of the care? I presume because he's a selfish waste of space?

Quite often we can potter along in bad situations for too long, but it takes a crisis point to prompt action. Maybe this is your moment.

Spot on.
He loves the pet but has never, ever, put anybody or anything needs before his own, I'm seeing that clearly now.

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Doppily · 06/08/2022 05:11

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 06/08/2022 04:58

PP is quite right. Why is H doing none of the care? I presume because he's a selfish waste of space?

Quite often we can potter along in bad situations for too long, but it takes a crisis point to prompt action. Maybe this is your moment.

He is ok for months, even years , then this blame thing starts up again. This is the 4th thing in as many months. It was his " I gotcha bang to rights , its YOUR fault " attitude that stunned me. Is there a personality disorder that makes people have to apportion blame for anything that they dont like ? It can be anything, his cricket team loses, my fault. His sister is ill, my fault. The ferry is delayed, my fault.
He always apologises after these outburst, but this time I just dont want to hear it. He is supremely selfish. Maybe time for me to put myself first too.

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vaingina · 06/08/2022 05:35

You have a right to be happy. Your husbands needs do not trump yours.

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Trustingreenthings · 06/08/2022 05:58

Oh no op, this sounds absolutely awful. Either your DH is developing some sort of neurological problem, dementia, or mh issue, or he is just plain horrid and controlling with money.

I never say ltb but in this case I am tempted to do so.

What is he like the rest of the time? Does he do a proper share of housework? What is your financial situation? How do you interact on a daily basis? Is he respectful, helpful, kind?

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Trustingreenthings · 06/08/2022 06:03

I mean is he ever respectful, helpful or kind? Has he ever stepped up in an emergency or when you need him to?

Don't make any firm decisions now while you are sleep deprived but I would seek legal advice. I would also gather together proof of earnings, important documents etc and get some rl support from a friend. You deserve better than this op. And so does your dog!

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Musti · 06/08/2022 06:37

Your dog has been ill all week, take him to the vets today!! Who gives a crap what your husband is saying! This is on you too- this is your dog and he’s suffering. Take him now instead of moaning about your idiot husband. How two people can watch their pet suffering all week and talk bollocks is beyond me. Why do people get pets if they’re not willing to look after them properly?? Take him this morning, don’t wait until tomorrow!

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Doppily · 06/08/2022 06:39

He can be kind and thoughtful. If it's not too much bother for him.
We have had massive issues about him being influenced by friends/ colleagues opinions in the past . We nearly separated about 7years ago due to his fault finding, had counselling & stayed together.
He is mean with money, I have access but he means if I want to spend any. Finances are 50 -50. We are comfortable, but he seems to worship the bank balance.

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SpindleTurning · 06/08/2022 06:46

I agree that the pet requires an emergency vet appointment today.

The fact that your relationship is so fucked up that you can’t, as a couple or as individuals within the marriage, deal with obtaining a simple vet appointment for a loved dependent animal is really worrying.

Are you deprived of money?

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SpindleTurning · 06/08/2022 06:47

X-posted. So you do have access to money.

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Doppily · 06/08/2022 07:22

Just tried to talk to him. He was tired. Poor him eh?
Fuck me, this gets better and better.
Yes, I have access to money but I'm strongly discouraged from spending any.
As I said, worships the balance ( except, of course for anything he wants. Just realised I go without needs , he doesn't even go without wants)

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UnshakenNeedsStirring · 06/08/2022 07:23

Why on earth do people who have no empathy or money have pets? Your H obviously has not taken pet insurance. He is cruel, his pet is sick and he cant be arsed to take it to the vet. I feel sorry for the poor animal in your care. Why cant you take your pet to the vet? Do you need his permission? I dont understand why on earth youd watch a pet sick for 5 days and not do anything.

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Doppily · 06/08/2022 07:23

As I stated vet appointment was booked by me yesterday. Emergency Saturday morning clinic.

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CrystalCoco · 06/08/2022 07:25

My DH sounds similar ref the blame game and the money, he gets away with quite a lot as I'm relatively chill.

With one big BUT:

When it comes to my pet, I'm in charge, pet needs the vet = my decision
I love that animal more than I love myself and no one gets a say in when pet does or doesn't go to the vet.

Your pet doesn't have a voice so you need to advocate for him/her, do whatever YOU think is right for your beloved pet. Wishing pet a speedy recovery x

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Doppily · 06/08/2022 07:27

@UnshakenNeedsStirring its diarreah, it was improving with rice/ fish but started again, much worse yesterday, which is why I BOOKED A VET APPOINTMENT. I didnt watch my pet gravely ill for 5 days and I can afford vet treatment. But yeh, thanks for missing the point entirely

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CrystalCoco · 06/08/2022 07:27

X-posted with your last post, I hope you get on well at the vet this morning.

Give your pet an extra hug from me! x

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ShirleyJackson · 06/08/2022 07:29

Make an appointment for him to be put down. And I don’t mean the dog.

Seriously? Wake up. Dog goes to the vet, then you get busy leaving this horrible, dreadful, abusive shitshow of a husband.

I can just imagine the hectoring little prick. Ugh.

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Iamanelephant · 06/08/2022 07:33

XH was/is very like this. It won't be easy to dislodge yours but it'll be worth it.

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Christin3 · 06/08/2022 07:36

He sounds very controlling. Why does he get to control the money? Why does he get to veto the vet visit?

If my dogs I'll TELL my OH I'm Taking him to the vet. Tell not ask. I don't need to ask because my decision that he needs to go is good enough.

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UnshakenNeedsStirring · 06/08/2022 07:36

Doppily · 06/08/2022 07:27

@UnshakenNeedsStirring its diarreah, it was improving with rice/ fish but started again, much worse yesterday, which is why I BOOKED A VET APPOINTMENT. I didnt watch my pet gravely ill for 5 days and I can afford vet treatment. But yeh, thanks for missing the point entirely

Good to know you booked an appointment. I would've booked an appointment sooner but at least you booked it.

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Nuisancepenguin · 06/08/2022 07:37

Hope your pet gets the help it needs, mine was ill with bad sickness last Monday and I took her in straight away, no consultation with my husband as it was an emergency situation. Your pet might need antibiotics and IV.

Tell your husband to fuck off.

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