He either hates me or just doesnt give a fuck , either way I think I'm done.

[Doppily]

Its 5am where I am. I have been awake since 1:20am. I got to sleep at 12am after a grand total of 6 hours sleep in the previous 48 hours due to caring for an ill pet .
The pet has been ill since last monday, has been awake all night for 4 nights since then.
H is what you would call careful with money, so is putting off taking the pet to the vets. Pet has got dramatically worse in the last 24 hours.
H claims that he doesn't hear when the pet is ill in the night so I am the one responsible for getting up. H is retired, I am on A/L atm.
I told him that I would stay up with the pet until midnight then sleep on the couch until the pet woke to go to he toilet again, hopefully after 3 or 4 hours as I was knackered, but that because of my back and hips I'd have to lie on the bed after that, but I would stay awake to listen out for the pet so I could see to it or wake DH , as I'm going slightly mad with sleep deprivation. All agreed, until H goes to an event this afternoon and I text to let him know that the pet has had more diarrhoea and I'm booking him in with the vet. He then speaks to an acquaintance, who told him apparently that the pet is ill because of me. I dont walk him for long enough- I suspect that DH had told him that for the last day I've only been doing short walks as I'm knackered and so is the pet.
H loves to find a way to pin blame on me, so this suits him down to the ground.
Back to tonight- he firstly comes in shouting that I've made the pet ill until I point out that the pet has been ill for 5 days and the short walks have only been over the last 24 hours. I then go over tonight's plan AGAIN.

He then deliberately wakes us both up at 1:20 to say goodnight, so the pet is up again . He goes to bed & I'm trying to stay awake.
Well done for wading through this wall of text . So he is either punishing me as he blames me for the pet being ill OR he cares so little for my welfare that he didnt bother listening to the plan at all. Either way I am seriously considering ending our marriage. I an sick and tired of being blamed for situations that I have no control over, this is the final nail in the coffin.

There is a tummy bug there goes around this time of year for dogs, so hopefully it's just that. Hope the vet can make the dog feel better soon.

As for your husband, I would be looking for that divorce. If this nearly tore you apart 7 years ago, this would be the final straw for me.

He is dreadful, does he sulk too?

I suspect you've been conditioned for so long you can't appreciate how dreadful his behaviour is.

I hope your dog is ok

Tell me something. Is your H doing nice things for you that he can tell others but mean or uncaring when it doesn't matter?

I'm talking about taking you to hospital appointments (I look after my wife!) but doesn't stay or take you home? He has bragging rights from taking you.

Cups of tea - I look after my wife!

Cooks dinner! - I look after my wife! But does nothing else. If you ask then he makes sure you don't ask again. No H wants to brag they do dusting.

Mows the lawn - I look after my wife and house! - but doesn't do any weeding or other back breaking work?

I have one of these. Only realised after twenty plus years. Like you he brags his wages are mine but in reality I cant touch it as he has already spent it. I have ten Yr old underwear but he's spending thousands on his hobby..so bragging rights again. Who cares that his wife has underwear with holes when he can brag about spending money on shiny stuff that impresses other men??

Open your eyes and see what he does (can brag) and doesn't do (can't brag). Its the little things that make or break a marriage. Your pet might be the issue that breaks it.

Good luck with the vet appointment, please let us know how it goes

I should have added..

Does he talk about his ill pet to others (I love my pet!) but doesn't actually do any pet work such as looking after it when ill, or walking it (no bragging rights). My H did. He drove our pet twice to the vet and everyone thinks he's wonderful but it was me who took her the other twenty times, it was me handfeeding her, it was me doing the medication, staying up with her, buying special food etc. But there's no bragging rights saying you feed your pet every day. You understand?

Take DH to the vet and get him PTS.

He has taken the dog for a short walk before the vet appt. He is backpeddaling like a unicyclist at the circus. But yeh, damage is done.
Yes he does do some thoughtful thinks, but on balance it's not enough. Not near enough.
Re the money, he is saying that of course I have full access, which is true BUT if I need, say new glasses it's always a " it's not a good month for it, maybe next month? " then the next month itll be" would you mind leaving it another month because we need X, Y, Z ?" So I say no, we have enough money for both, then I get " oh no,but then the current account will be under £5000" me " ok then, it can come from the savings ( £xxxxx in there) and he nearly faints. Every fucking purchase ends up like this, UNLESS it's something he wants.

Stop asking for permission to buy stuff you need, he doesn't ask when it's stuff he wants or needs does he?

Do you earn your own money OP?

Any kids or just the dog?

sounds like you’ve had enough of this selfish man

I hope your pet gets appropriate treatment today. It's a long time for it to be suffering without medical aid.
Cam I ask why you seek permission to spend on essentials like new glasses or vet's bills? I think you should start just spending what you need without ever asking him. Only ask if it's something frivolous and very very expensive. That's if you decide to stay.

If your dog has been SO unwell with diarrhoea for 5 days that you’ve genuinely not slept, then you are both massively unreasonable not to have got them to the vets days ago.

Stay in your marriage or don’t, but care for that animal better.

If my DH acted this way towards me or my beloved dog, I'd kick his ass to the curb

Also to add, I hope your dog will be ok. Sending lots of love and belly scratches ❤️

Another one wondering why you wait for permission to take the dog to the vet.
Also why you don't just get an eye test and new glasses when you need them.
Is he your boss?

The money thing is insane!!!

can you just buy your glasses and stop asking re purchases?

also can you transfer your half out?

If your dog has been SO unwell with diarrhoea for 5 days that you’ve genuinely not slept, then you are both massively unreasonable not to have got them to the vets days ago.

Stay in your marriage or don’t, but care for that animal better.

^^ This. To leave your dog unwell for 5 days is disgraceful owner behaviour.

I'm a big believer in you get what you deserve, in life (or more accurately, you get what you allow). If you can't buy a pair of glasses, that's your issue. But you shouldn't own a pet if you can't care for it responsibly.

I am tight with money but I think you and your husband are verycruel to leave an animal suffering for so long. This is on both of you not just your mean husband.

You are also an adult with access to money and if you have a pet you are responsible for it. Sounds like you would be better off either getting therapy with your husband as life sounds miserable but sort out the dog and get them the treatment they need.

You have a vet that works on a Sunday? Surely there are only emergency vets on Sunday, in which case you can go today without an appointment. As horrid as your husband sounds, I am most concerned for your dog that has been ill for five days and neither of the human beings responsible for it have done anything to help (sitting up all night isn’t helping).

I'm glad the pet is going to the vet shortly. You did post this tbf, though (at 05.02 to be precise):

Pet is booked in for tomorrow with the vet.

It's not suprising posters thought that tomorrow meant tomorrow, hence some of the replies you've had.

Are you in a time zone in, for example, North America?

I personally couldn't leave my pet ill for 5 days before a vet appointment. I think that your thinking is skewed around this, Op.

It seems to me if you do have access to finances and it is just your husband discouraging you to use them that you could have and should have taken no notice of him and done what is best for your pet immediately. Your husband doesn't sound like a good person. But when another creature's suffering is involved you need to either over rule your husband or accept that you are harming your pet.

If your H's meanness extends to not being willing to pay for the pet he supposedly cares for to get medical attention when its obviously quite seriously poorly, then it's time for him to leave.

Also, for goodness sake take better care of your animal in future. This will have been totally debilitating for it - and its recovery will be delayed because no-one took it to the vet.

This!!!

He can't love the pet much if he's happy to leave it very ill for over 5 days

He can't love you that much if he'd prefer you to get next to no sleep due to looking after your pet AND he's happy for you to sleep on the sofa whilst in pain.

What planet does walking a dog more improve diarrhoea.

I'm presuming that these 'blame games' only occur when you disagree with him on something.

He sounds borderline financially abusive, controlling and a selfish twat!

You are doing a wonderful job caring for your pet. Your H is not! Pets are part of one's family, and deserve the best care you can give. I particularly applaud you as I also have a bad back and know how difficult it can be do care for a pet in the night.

It's not your fault your pet is ill. I wish you all the best for your trip to the vet today and hope your pet's health will improve.

As for your H.... 😡

Poor dog. Please re-home it if you're going to stay with this loser OP.