He either hates me or just doesnt give a fuck , either way I think I'm done.

[Doppily]

Its 5am where I am. I have been awake since 1:20am. I got to sleep at 12am after a grand total of 6 hours sleep in the previous 48 hours due to caring for an ill pet .
The pet has been ill since last monday, has been awake all night for 4 nights since then.
H is what you would call careful with money, so is putting off taking the pet to the vets. Pet has got dramatically worse in the last 24 hours.
H claims that he doesn't hear when the pet is ill in the night so I am the one responsible for getting up. H is retired, I am on A/L atm.
I told him that I would stay up with the pet until midnight then sleep on the couch until the pet woke to go to he toilet again, hopefully after 3 or 4 hours as I was knackered, but that because of my back and hips I'd have to lie on the bed after that, but I would stay awake to listen out for the pet so I could see to it or wake DH , as I'm going slightly mad with sleep deprivation. All agreed, until H goes to an event this afternoon and I text to let him know that the pet has had more diarrhoea and I'm booking him in with the vet. He then speaks to an acquaintance, who told him apparently that the pet is ill because of me. I dont walk him for long enough- I suspect that DH had told him that for the last day I've only been doing short walks as I'm knackered and so is the pet.
H loves to find a way to pin blame on me, so this suits him down to the ground.
Back to tonight- he firstly comes in shouting that I've made the pet ill until I point out that the pet has been ill for 5 days and the short walks have only been over the last 24 hours. I then go over tonight's plan AGAIN.

He then deliberately wakes us both up at 1:20 to say goodnight, so the pet is up again . He goes to bed & I'm trying to stay awake.
Well done for wading through this wall of text . So he is either punishing me as he blames me for the pet being ill OR he cares so little for my welfare that he didnt bother listening to the plan at all. Either way I am seriously considering ending our marriage. I an sick and tired of being blamed for situations that I have no control over, this is the final nail in the coffin.

Doing a wonderful job! Are you for real, I am angry reading that. OP is as guilty as her horrible husband for neglecting this poor animal. Sitting and watching an animal suffer is not helping it. Absolute disgrace the pair of them.

Take your pet to the vet now. You should have done it days ago. Then divorce your arsehole of a husband for financial abuse.

You can't get new glasses because there is "only" £5,000 in the current account AND savings....

He know if you divorce you get 1/2 right?

I'm having issues with my OH we have been together for 9 years, I love him dearly and he supports me in lots of ways but sometimes I just want to pull my hair out.
I've posted today as I just don't know if I'm over reacting and being unreasonable. I have a friend who I used to work with that has terminal cancer and is renewing his wedding vows in October and has invited me and my partner to the party after. Its a good 5 hour drive. I've said to my OH that I'd really like to go, I think it'd probably be the last time I get to see my friend. My OH has said to me to go on my own. He drives his son back to his apprenticeship digs each week as he doesn't drive, so his son would have to go back a day earlier. My OHs ex wife died last year so it's been a tough year for their son but this is the onky time in the last year I've asked for this to change. He's also said he doesn't want to go because he'll miss the football. I would drive myself but I'm having a hip replacement next week and the wedding is 8 weeks after that so I don't think I can drive for 5 hours thst soon after the op. Am I unreasonable in being so pissed off with him? I just feel like I'm a whinging Annie having a go at him but I really want to go to my friends wedding. Going by train isn't an option either unfortunately. Thanks all x

If a dog gets diarrhoea, you don't feed it for a day, so the diarrhoea stops as there is nothing more to poop. Then introduce the bland food. If it's carrying on then, you take it to the vet.
I think you've obviously been in this abusive situation for so long now that you have stopped seeing the wood for the trees. You can't see how crazy it sounds to prefer to take the option of staying up multiple nights, rather than take it to the vet. It is your choice to do that, like it is your choice to buy what you need and when, but you are making the wrong choices becacause you are trying to manage your H's moods. I can see you've been so used to trying to keep him sweet and toeing his line for so many years, that you've somehow lost the ability to make your own decisions and are running everything past him.
I hope this is the point where you start to stand up to him. Start making your own decisions, and realise how abusive he has been all these years. It's as much your money as his, therefore, you never needed to ask his permission about either the dog, or for buying what you need.
2 options - start living your life how you want and ignore what he has to say about it, or for a quieter life without his endless moaning, divorce him and take your half to do with as you please.
You could carry on as you are till the end of your days and moan about it to others, in which case you are hurting not just yourself, but your pet too - which doesn't garner you any sympathy if you fail to see that.

@Pkingduck you need to post your own thread for advice.

‘We nearly separated about 7years ago due to his fault finding, had counselling & stayed together.’

So this tight fisted mean spirited behaviour is not new.
This is the way he is made.
Just about nice enough to get by as & when it suits him, but underneath it he is hard core mean & overly critical
You say that he builds up to this behaviour, then apologises.
But that means nothing as he does it again & has done nothIng to gain insight or change his behaviours.

Who knows why he is this way & why he does this?
would having that knowledge change anything for you? For him!
No, it wouldn’t because he knows that he is responsible (to blame?) for his actions, & he is just not interested in taking responsibility for his inner game.

He has no reason to change.
His attitudes & short comings will only get worse as now he is retired he does not have the external social framework to modify or adjust his behaviours. His blame game will get more frequent with fewer distractions or routine to distract him.
He is controlling & coercive, the abuse is slow & subtle like death by a thousand cuts. Not much to be seen in the surface but your life drips away.

His attitude to your pet is a proxy for how he will treat you should you become vulnerable, dependent or ill. This is a red flag.
Do not get old, frail & dependent with this man.

As you have access to your own money, spend it as you deem important.
Have the life you want.
You are fit, well & financially capable.
If that means ending this relationship, so be it.

Your DH is a dick. I hope the pet is ok.

I would bet that this is not the only controlling behaviour your husband exhibits. You have been conditioned into thinking is normal, but it isn’t. Asking permission to buy glasses?Take dog to vet? I don’t think you should have to disagree over money; you should be able to spend the money as necessary. I do think you should tell him this.

op - how did the appointment go? Hopefully your dog is fine. And how are you coping too? It does take the wind out of your sails once you realise how horrible your h actually is.

I agree. He sounds unbearable.

Apologies for the delay. DDog saw emergency vet yesterday, now on antibiotics and a prescription diet , nearly back to his old self.
Unfortunately we have had some devastating news about my DDad so I have been at the hospital supporting my mum all night. Any decisions about the future will have to be out on hold for now. H has actually been great since we got the news. I wont be updating again for obvious reasons.

This sorry.

This is your fault too.

Glad DDog is on the mend. So sorry about your DDad

I hope your Dad gets better. It's good that you're helping your Mum. Best of luck to you all.