Row with DH tonight. Currently in couples counselling due to lots of issues. This came up today and caused a row when we got home. My head is spinning. Its such a silly thing.
Basically DH gets up very early 7 days a week. Think 5/6am very latest. Even at weekends, when he doesnt have to. His work has always dictated his wake up time, he says his body clock is set and he cant change it. Fair enough no one wants to lay in bed wide awake.
Due to these early starts, he is in bed by 8pm most weeknights. Weekends maybe 9pm but that extra hour is only because he has a nap in the afternoons, sometimes 2/3 hours. When the kids were young this bothered me. Id be alone every evening, 7 nights a week and wake up alone 7 mornings a week. Also dealing with them alone all the time and trying to keep them quiet when he had a daytime nap.
Now the kids are older i dont really care but he is constantly on my case about MY sleeping habits. How i am not normal. How it is me with the problem.
Maybe it is. During the week, i get up at 8 for the school runs. Awake all day, no naps (!) and go to bed late, say 11pm to midnight. Always have been a night owl. I like the alone time too. Weekend mornings i will rot! I will sleep in as long as i can get away with usually getting up around 11am to make food and start the household/family. Kids are teens now so can grab cereal etc while waiting for me, they dont starve!
DH says this is weird. That i should get up with him at the crack of dawn. I hate early mornings!!!
Its a constant issue. He will always say "dont stay up too late " as he trots off to bed or will be deliberately loud in the mornings to wake me up.
I let him get on with his sleep patterns, why am i being made to feel so guilty for mine??
Am i wrong? Is he?
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Am I really that weird?
Mamato3boysand2dogs · 05/08/2022 23:02
Mamato3boysand2dogs · 05/08/2022 23:24
He has an ace up his sleeve too in that, shock horror, i smoke. Never ever in the house, ever. So, in the evening when i want to relax and scroll the internet or read i tend to come outside to the little outhouse we have in the garden. Its nice. I can drink my tea and enjoy my alone time and yes smoke my cigarettes.
This is used to constantly batter me. Im not just "sitting up late' im sitting up late SMOKING. I feel i have no defence when he does this. He makes me feel such shame. Obviously i understand cigarettes are bad for me, but that is my choice surely and it doesnt define me!
So i am made to feel like a junkie or something, sitting up late etc. But its not like that! I never drop the ball at home or work, lots of responsibility, kids not late for school, everything is normal and fine so why cant i stay up late! And sleep in on a weekend?
rainbowandglitter · 05/08/2022 23:35
I actually think both your sleep patterns are unusual. Getting up at 5/6am surely does not need an 8pm bedtime (plus naps). That's 9/10 hours without naps. Does he do a very manual job?
I also couldn't lay in until 11am like you do and I go to bed late.
I think you're both getting a large amount of sleep but at different times.
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