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Is he turned on but can’t get hard??
71

Dainty22 · 04/08/2022 20:29

I’m dating a guy and we haven’t yet had sex. We’re getting to know each other and very playful with one another.

I’ve “stroked” him and he tells me he super turned on to feel my touch but he doesn’t feel rock hard. It’s like a soft erection, and the he stops me.

Am I missing something here? Is he just not turned enough or are there guys whose penises don’t get very hard. Never experienced this before.

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Homewardbound2022 · 04/08/2022 20:31

What age is he?
Is he a smoker/overweight?

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Dainty22 · 04/08/2022 20:35

Homewardbound2022 · 04/08/2022 20:31

What age is he?
Is he a smoker/overweight?

He’s 31, great shape and doesn’t smoke or drink.

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Longsight2019 · 04/08/2022 20:37

Give him chance. He, like many men, may need full foreplay and stimulation to get fully erect.

it isn’t a light switch.

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jammiewhammie65 · 04/08/2022 20:46

He stops you ? Must be a one off you've got there !

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LondonWolf · 04/08/2022 20:46

Porn.

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GOATtheAcronym · 04/08/2022 20:48

Could be he's holding back so as not to be uncomfortably hard.

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PermanentTemporary · 04/08/2022 20:49

Men vary. Some take time to get erect or need direct stimulation.

If I had to guess in fact I wonder if he has premature ejaculation at times. Or he might be stopping you because he knows you can feel he's not hard abd it's an issue for him.

Can you take the pressure off a bit? There may be an issue or there may not. He's not a machine and neither are you.

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Lineala · 04/08/2022 20:50

May be erectile dysfunction, use of steroids, too much hard porn, maybe he doesn't want sex until he knows you better . . .

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cheeseislife8 · 04/08/2022 20:54

Erectile dysfunction or nerves? Talk to him!

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Trustingreenthings · 04/08/2022 21:00

Maybe use a less direct approach? And I don't mean that as a criticism but as a practical suggestion.

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PermanentTemporary · 04/08/2022 21:02

I have a partner now who gets hard giving me oral sex - not something I've experienced before. It's very nice... when the time comes let him show you what arouses him. I would start with stuff where you're not touching each other - dirty talk, strip show - and go slowly.

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nodiggetynodoubt · 04/08/2022 21:03

LondonWolf · 04/08/2022 20:46

Porn.

A friend of mine told me recently that some of the blokes she works with have admitted that they struggle to get aroused with sex with their partners because of watching so much hardcore pornography. Might be a worrying trend for younger generations ...

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FOJN · 04/08/2022 21:05

There could be other reasons but I would bet it's he has ED due to excessive porn usage.

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Dainty22 · 04/08/2022 21:09

Thanks for everyone’s responses. I have direct contact when I’m stimulating him. I don’t place too much pressure and sometimes I do it for 20 minutes and never completely hard. But he does tell me he’s about to finish but doesn’t want to. I can see In the moment how stimulated he is but I don’t know if he has an issue and I don’t want to raise it, in case he’s uncomfortable.

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Dainty22 · 04/08/2022 21:10

PermanentTemporary · 04/08/2022 21:02

I have a partner now who gets hard giving me oral sex - not something I've experienced before. It's very nice... when the time comes let him show you what arouses him. I would start with stuff where you're not touching each other - dirty talk, strip show - and go slowly.

We definitely started with that before being playful with each other.

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Dainty22 · 04/08/2022 21:11

Longsight2019 · 04/08/2022 20:37

Give him chance. He, like many men, may need full foreplay and stimulation to get fully erect.

it isn’t a light switch.

We usually kiss and touch before getting to that.

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hewouldwouldnthe · 04/08/2022 21:14

It could be he is waiting for you to agree to a time and place to DTD and until then not getting himself too excited. maybe he is able to control himself well?

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Oopsiedaisyy · 04/08/2022 21:29

Um.... Perhaps I'd let him set the pace, and the direction of play, if what you have tried hasn't worked... I'd wonder why you two haven't progressed all the way?

My experience is even at the ripe old age of 50 that even some kisses alone leads to an immediate and solid reaction

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Dainty22 · 04/08/2022 21:36

Oopsiedaisyy · 04/08/2022 21:29

Um.... Perhaps I'd let him set the pace, and the direction of play, if what you have tried hasn't worked... I'd wonder why you two haven't progressed all the way?

My experience is even at the ripe old age of 50 that even some kisses alone leads to an immediate and solid reaction

I agree and I have never heard a man say how turned on he is through kissing and touching but not be rock hard in return. Sometimes I’m stimulating him for 20 minutes

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Aquamarine1029 · 04/08/2022 21:39

I would invest too much time into this one, op. If he does have sexual issues, don't make them your problem. They will not get better.

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SomeoneInTheLaaaaaounge · 04/08/2022 21:42

Death grip I think mate

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Aquamarine1029 · 04/08/2022 21:44

*wouldn't invest.

Sorry.

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Dainty22 · 04/08/2022 21:44

Aquamarine1029 · 04/08/2022 21:39

I would invest too much time into this one, op. If he does have sexual issues, don't make them your problem. They will not get better.

This is why I asked. I’ve never ever come across it and never discussed known anyone to have experienced it, so was curious whether it’s a problem or whether a soft erect was normal

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Dainty22 · 04/08/2022 21:45

SomeoneInTheLaaaaaounge · 04/08/2022 21:42

Death grip I think mate

Haha, this is actually something I’ve been told im
good. I have soft hands and get the pressure and rhythm right normally

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fudfootedfannybangle · 04/08/2022 21:48

I’m no looker, but it’s never taken me 20 minutes of fumbling only to achieve a soft lob-on.

throw him back. It’s

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