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Original poster

Is he turned on but can’t get hard??

71 replies

Dainty22 · 04/08/2022 20:29

I’m dating a guy and we haven’t yet had sex. We’re getting to know each other and very playful with one another.

I’ve “stroked” him and he tells me he super turned on to feel my touch but he doesn’t feel rock hard. It’s like a soft erection, and the he stops me.

Am I missing something here? Is he just not turned enough or are there guys whose penises don’t get very hard. Never experienced this before.

OP posts:
Lydia777 · 04/08/2022 21:49

I had this with a guy. It was bad ED. He never got hard and so obviously sex was out. He was able to come though without without being hard. (sorry TMI) But it wasn't fun for me.

Bunnyfuller · 04/08/2022 21:51

Porn.

FOJN · 04/08/2022 21:52

People don't actually think men can control their erections do they? He is unable to get a full erection not saving himself for the big event.

StarCourt · 04/08/2022 21:58

It's either some form of nerves or ED or porn overuse. If he's not willing to talk about it I'd leave.
Been there and ended up with a man who would only initiate BDSM type sex but couldn't actually penetrate me.

Rewis · 04/08/2022 22:00

Why haven't you had sex yet?

RichardMarxisinnocent · 04/08/2022 22:06

Aquamarine1029 · 04/08/2022 21:39

I would invest too much time into this one, op. If he does have sexual issues, don't make them your problem. They will not get better.

I think men should apply the same thinking if they're dating a woman who has difficulty getting aroused or wet enough for sex, or if she can't orgasm. Her sexual issues shouldn't be his problem either.

Original poster
Dainty22 · 04/08/2022 22:10

Lydia777 · 04/08/2022 21:49

I had this with a guy. It was bad ED. He never got hard and so obviously sex was out. He was able to come though without without being hard. (sorry TMI) But it wasn't fun for me.

Did he not get hard at all? With this person, he’s hard but still soft if you know what I mean. Like I could bend his bit. Maybe enough to penetrate but I’d feel like he would sprain it with action

OP posts:
Original poster
Dainty22 · 04/08/2022 22:11

StarCourt · 04/08/2022 21:58

It's either some form of nerves or ED or porn overuse. If he's not willing to talk about it I'd leave.
Been there and ended up with a man who would only initiate BDSM type sex but couldn't actually penetrate me.

I haven’t brought up that he’s not fully erect. I thought that some guys don’t get fully erect.

OP posts:
hotsouple · 04/08/2022 22:14

Porn Addict

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 04/08/2022 22:14

Some men don't get fully hard. Various reasons for that but yes some men can ejaculate and still not be fully hard. It's disappointing if I'm honest.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 04/08/2022 22:15

hotsouple · 04/08/2022 22:14

Porn Addict

Literally every single male sexual dysfunction is put down to porn on mumsnet. I can't tell you how dumb that is.

Algbu6 · 04/08/2022 22:18

Sorry but I'm laughing at sprain with action. Perhaps just leave it for a while and let him pursue the sexually side... see what happens.

summerlovinvibes · 04/08/2022 22:27

Any chance he may be on antidepressants / other medication that he may not have told you about? This can affect men getting fully hard and being able to finish easily.

Original poster
Dainty22 · 04/08/2022 22:28

I now remember that as I was stroking and gripping gently, his penis was twitching. Like he’ was some how jerking it. I sound crazy now

OP posts:
Original poster
Dainty22 · 04/08/2022 22:29

summerlovinvibes · 04/08/2022 22:27

Any chance he may be on antidepressants / other medication that he may not have told you about? This can affect men getting fully hard and being able to finish easily.

Not that I am aware of no.

OP posts:
FOJN · 04/08/2022 22:29

RichardMarxisinnocent · 04/08/2022 22:06

I think men should apply the same thinking if they're dating a woman who has difficulty getting aroused or wet enough for sex, or if she can't orgasm. Her sexual issues shouldn't be his problem either.

Show quote history

If she's pretending everything is fine then I would agree with you. Bodies do not always function as we would like but when it comes to intimacy communication is key.

Unreliable erections are a common problem for men as they age and partners adapt to compensate for this but this man is 31, generally an age where the merest suggestion of sex induces a swift and reliable erection. He is not able to achieve a full erection and is claiming he's very aroused. OP cannot work around this or decide if she wants to if he won't acknowledge the issue.

This is not a men Vs women issue.

AngelinaFibres · 04/08/2022 22:30

Lydia777 · 04/08/2022 21:49

I had this with a guy. It was bad ED. He never got hard and so obviously sex was out. He was able to come though without without being hard. (sorry TMI) But it wasn't fun for me.

Me too. It was quite a shock to put my hand on it for the first time and find that it was completely soft. He could only get remotely hard by pulling away at it and trying to push it in. The relationship didn't last very long.

ermagerdabear · 04/08/2022 22:34

Literally every single male sexual dysfunction is put down to porn on mumsnet. I can't tell you how dumb that is

It's not every single male sexual dysfunction. But you're extremely naive to think that porn isn't responsible for the vast majority of it, especially in young men like the OP's fella.

altmember · 04/08/2022 22:39

Dainty22 · 04/08/2022 22:28

I now remember that as I was stroking and gripping gently, his penis was twitching. Like he’ was some how jerking it. I sound crazy now

Sounds like he's tensing his pelvic floor muscles. My guess is he's doing that to try and stimulate things down there to try and encourage/will an erection. It all points to ED really. Highly unlikely to be porn related.

Hopeandlove · 04/08/2022 22:41

Dainty22 · 04/08/2022 21:45

Haha, this is actually something I’ve been told im
good. I have soft hands and get the pressure and rhythm right normally

Show quote history

Porn and death grip is his friend I’m afraid I wouldn’t invest

AngelinaFibres · 04/08/2022 22:41

RichardMarxisinnocent · 04/08/2022 22:06

I think men should apply the same thinking if they're dating a woman who has difficulty getting aroused or wet enough for sex, or if she can't orgasm. Her sexual issues shouldn't be his problem either.

Show quote history

Since time began men have been happy with a handy hole to stick their cock in and women have been faking it for a quiet life. It hasn't mattered whether the human woman attached to that hole was aroused or ever had a tiny bit of pleasure, never mind an actual orgasm. Lube sorts out the lack of arousal. A man without a reliable hard on is as much use as a chocolate teapot.

tiggergoesbounce · 04/08/2022 22:42

Is there a reason you are not having full sex?
Maybe he is just holding back until you do.

Featuredcreature · 04/08/2022 22:44

Sounds tedious tbh. Unless stellar in other ways I'd be wary.

Childbeinganiggtmare · 04/08/2022 22:44

Throw him back. Honestly, don’t waste your time, if it’s like this now it’ll never get better. Don’t even try to work it out or make excuses if you value sex. Just move on.

crowdedout · 04/08/2022 22:45

Coke

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