Mum won't apologise

[muminapickle500]

Here's a thorny one: do I ever speak to my mum again?

She (87) severely upset my youngest DD (23) by publicly calling her into the living room when we had company, and then scolding her on her table manners in the restaurant saying she had embarrassed herself and us (no-one else had noticed). We're agreed that was just mum seeking attention when the spotlight was elsewhere. She does this a lot.

Anyway, my daughter is a sensitive soul and was at the time coming off her meds (SSRIs) and very fragile. Mum knew this. DD burst into tears and ran out of the room - it was the last time she would see her granny before she returns abroad, and the telling off made her doubly upset. It all ended very messily and embarrassingly for all. To her credit DD gathered herself enough to say a proper goodbye, but no apology from mum at the time.

Mum has now asked me to carry a message about something quite separate to DD (she lost her email), but I have told her until a proper apology is forthcoming, it's unlikely DD will want to speak to her. Mum has point-blank refused (no justification given). I am now also minded to go nc with her until she apologises, but haven't said anything yet. Mum is stubborn as hell.

Does Mumsnet have any thoughts? It feels like a hill to die on but I might be over-complicating things.

Thank you. I am. 😇

I would purely love to have you come and try to tell me off......

Are you saying you've no table manners and you'd like me to help you?

Made my blood boil this one. My mother does this all the time. Inappropriate attention seeking behaviour. Sometimes really upsetting my kids or just downright offensive/awkward. She's nearly 70 but very feisty so she cant be told. When she upsets or annoys someone and i point it out, she is massively defensive, never wrong and usually results in her telling me to fuck off. Charming.

I totally understand your feelings on this.

That said. Shes 87. Probably easier all round to let it go? Age doesnt excuse her behaviour , i know, but what's the point in falling out with your mum when she is so old? You'll probably regret it.

Let it pass. Give your mum DDs email and then step aside. DDs reaction would be a bit silly for your average 23 yr old woman but if shes coming off her meds then understandable.

Not worth falling out over

As long as your prepared to be told in forthright language that your contribution is unwanted, and asked who the hell you think you are?