Not sure my dh likes me anymore!

[changedmyname2022]

Name changed for this because a few other posts of mine are identifying.

He may love me I'm not sure but he definitely doesn't like me let alone fancy me.

17 years together, 10 married and 3 children (14, 10 & 8).

Currently on holiday and it was going to be my "fuck it holiday" because I haven't lost the weight I wanted to but I was determined to take photos with my kids, wear my swimming costume and just have fun. Trouble is husband clearly wasn't feeling the same and has done nothing except point out extremely attractive slim women, ask me if I "need that" when I'm eating something, tell me that we are definitely dieting when we get home and generally just make me feel like like shit. We were at a market today having a wander and letting the kids buy crap when I saw a beach dress I liked so I started to look and he said "don't get any ideas because that won't fit", we then went to the beach where he was talking about what a waste our gym membership is but then told me he is buying me sessions with a PT when we get home. I did say "wow you know how to cheer me up" but all he said was that I need help!

We have two rooms at the hotel and last night he chose to sit on his balcony with our 14 year old even though I said why don't we sit together, his answer was "no thanks I'm alright on mine" 🤷‍♀️

He is clearly disgusted by me and I'm just getting the general feeling that I'm an annoyance and that he doesn't really like me much anymore.

Im 43, 5'6" and a size 18 so yes I'm big but I'm not on the verge of needing a crane to get me out of the house. Also peri menopausal so may just being massively over sensitive.

I just want to go home but we have another 8 days to go. No idea what I want anyone to say, I'm just really upset.

Go on a day trip and leave him with the kids, day after that take the kids somewhere with just you, alternate doing that for the rest of the holiday. If you're stuck in holiday apartment and kids are in bed, leave him to sit with them and dolll yourself up and go clubbing. Living a good life is the best revenge on somebody out to make you unhappy. Then divorce when home.

Like what? He shouldn't be making you feel shitty about yourself.

Fuck him. Is he balding?? Stomach like a deflated beach ball? If the answer to any of these is yes, then feel free to point out any good looking trim, full head of hair-ed man you see and make him look. See how he likes them lemons😐

I'm wondering if he's having an affair.

Yeah I wondered the same as soon as I read his behaviour. he is missing the other woman and probably feeling stifled with the lack of privacy to conduct his activities with her. This holiday snappiness and digs are because you op are enjoying yourself. I wonder if he is trying to create drama so he can fuck off alone for a hours to spend them talking to her.
Your husband would have known you're a size 18 at home, even if you dressed in the dark and wore covered up clothes it would have been obvious you are size 18.

OP, your thread title is almost word for word what I said to my friends about my (now ex) husband at one point in our marriage.

He was having an affair.

Yours may not be but he's a nasty bastard anyway. You don't need him.

His behaviour is disgusting, has he also put on weight or is he still as you got together?

Unfortunately weight causes so many issues in relationships and I think if we’re all honest it is a huge turn off of our partner/wife/husband lets themselves go however, him speaking to you like that is totally unacceptable and I suspect he also needs to lose a big of weight and he’s taking his frustrations out on you.

Youll never regret losing the weight and being healthy for your children so perhaps you can use this as an opportunity to re-bond with your husband?

You both need to go for marriage counselling. There is clearly a lot of built up resentment and a loss of intimacy and fun between the two of you. You are both unhappy in this relationship right now.

This is hard.

he is being very rude to keep mentioning it in this way, personally I would say to him. “Look cut it out, I’ve heard you, I get your feelings, now shut the fuck up about my weight”. Only you can decide if this is a marriage ender or not.

on the flip side. I think at home we can hide our weight well, but on holiday in harsh sunlight and in swimwear it becomes very apparent just how big we are. Especially when surrounded by slim women in their swimwear. It would be lovely if he didn’t care about your size and loved and fancied you irrelevant, but it’s not the case, he clearly doesn’t find it attractive. However he is handling it incredibly badly and being both rude and offensive and needs to reign it in.

Probably having an affair? Men get nasty when they are, especially if he thinks he's trapped on holiday. Or he may just be an arsehole.

You will lose all of his weight if you get rid. Might be a good idea. What a charmer...

It must be frustrating for him to see you get bigger and bigger without actually doing anything about it.

He sounds tactless in this story... but has this been going on for years, you saying you're going to lose the weight and then not doing it? He's possibly just at the end of his tether.

Would having a brutally honest conversation with him help?

How awful op. I see it as it doesn’t matter what HE looks like..regardless he should love you & behave like a loving husband not a selfish horrible twat. Your poor kids are probably aware of his comments/body language towards you. I’d be seriously re thinking this relationship once home.
i hope you can manage to enjoy the rest of the holiday..I know that it’s hard though having to see / put up with comments like that.

It must be frustrating for him to see you get bigger and bigger without actually doing anything about it.

Where did the OP say she was getting ‘bigger and bigger’? She didn’t, did she? You’ve just made that up to create a reason to lay into the OP. For all you know @Animallover87 , she was the same size when they met.

Nothing justifies speaking to another person the way this H has. Nothing.

If a guy wasn't attracted to your size he wouldn't be regardless of harsh sunlight. Most men don't care about cellulite actually it's women who worry about it. Men who prefer slim women would prefer and point them out fully clothed, too.
It's women who pay more attention to skin quality and bumps.. men see it more as overall size and shape which is visible in clothes.

I'd put money on having an affair.

@Animallover87 is it not up to the person to loose weight ? Not the partner to tell them, you can't justify his shitty behaviour and how he has spoken
You have no idea how hard the op is trying or not or what reasons are behind it
I am overweight , i eat 1200 calories to try and loose weight, I'm shifting maybe 1lb a month, to the outside I may not look like I am trying
Luckily my DH isn't a dick and he actually loves me for me
On holiday I was covering up in a bikini , he told me why worry what others think just be comfortable
And the reality is on holiday there are all shapes and sizes around
People need support when trying go loose weight not judgement

Your H sounds like an absolute cunt and I would be outraged if my DH treated me this way, especially if my children were in hearing distance of ANY weight or exercise related comments as that attitude is incredible damaging for them to hear.

For me, this would be ultimatum time, he either massively shuts the fuck up forever or he fucks off immediately.

I despite these sorts of pathetic men who think it’s their god given right to judge and comment on women’s bodies. To be honest, an ultimatum is too good for him. He’s vile and doesn’t deserve any forgiveness.

God you wouldn’t speak to a stranger like that a husband is supposed to be the one person that totally has your back or what’s the bloody point of a marriage?

Dh superfit which is tough so I’ve upped my game got fit too and lost 2 stone. He’s never said anything though.

Are his comments a recent thing? I think you need to find a time to talk to him and tell him his comments have to stop.

As others have mentioned - it sounds as if he has disengaged/checked out? Unfortunately this can often be because he is comparing you to someone else.

A family holiday should be a time when there is no stress so you should be enjoying yourself...if time together feels painful then it is signalling issues in the marriage.

Like some others I think his behaviour on this holiday points to him having an affair. Mine was vile to me and very distant on holiday when he was carrying on.

Even if not, it’s just a horrible way to speak to you. I’d try to detach from him and just enjoy time with the DCs. If you get a chance, do get a bit dolled up and pop out for a wander round shops, to a cafe or a drink.

Every single time he makes a comment about your body reply with one about his.
Every. Single. Time.

Sorry everyone I didn't post and run, hotel Wi-Fi is a bit sketchy and I'm almost out of data! I'll reply properly later but all of your posts have given me massive food (ha!) for thought and I'm just having a couple of hours to myself at the adult pool.

The more I think about it , I feel like the weight is a red herring. Op if you were a size 8 he'd find something else to put you down.
Enjoy your holiday , you only live once . Tell him don't bother unpacking when he gets home he can jog on .

Aside from the truly awful weight related comments he's making, the fact your husband thinks it's acceptable on a family holiday to sit beside his wife pointing out beautiful women to her is madness!
I accept we all know they look ... and by all means, look, we're all human! but to voice it to his partner of 17 years whilst on holiday with your 3 kids .... that's disrespect on another level!!

I have to lean towards several others observations of a possible affair, does he usually make himself distant when at home too? Have you noticed any frequent disappearing acts or protectiveness over a mobile?? If he's not, then he's clearly a complacent asshole.. nobody has the right to make you feel the way he is. Married, 17 years or 7 days... I'd be packing his bags and turfing him out. Loose the weight because you want too. Not to appease him because I can assure you, they'll only be 'something else' once you have.

And the next time he has something to say, reply calmly with...
'are you feeling a little insecure sweetheart?'
'He'll puff out his chest and respond me? Why would I be insecure?'
And reply with, well it's usually insecure people that try to tear others down, that's all...
belittle the little twat where he sits. Even better if you kids are present. Set the president for them.. don't let them learn this disgusting behaviour.

What a truly nasty piece of work.

IMO a marriage is well over when someone speaks like that.

He's vile.