Men/women being careful of situation that cause them to cheat

[Scorpio8]

I know Men/women cheat because their unhappy in their relationship/marriage.
LL
Do you think some men/women are happy and they just put themselves in situation with the opposite sex in periods that find them end up having an affair. Do you believe it's preventable?

Like say a man goes woman house to help her do her garden for week. He goes alone. The same with a woman if a man needed ironing doing each day weekly.

Do you believe certain situations could be prevented if they work with another person around the opposite sex long enough. Especially if they are married/partner.

Different if they are single.

I know I sound crazy just need to know opinions please.

It’s more unlikely in those cases but not impossible to happen.

No I don't think so, I think you always have a choice whether or not to cheat.

What your referring to are boundary issues. These aren't ok (to me) even if no cheating occurs, because they're disrespectful. Like being close friends with a former FWB, going alone to a female friends house without asking etc.

You'll probably get a load of people who will happily let their H sleep in bed platonically with another woman, but I will always have (fair and reasonable) boundaries.

Its obviously more likely to happen if the opportunity is there often. But in the end its always a choice.

Nothing would put me off an affair of any kind quicker than doing some blokes ironing for a week!

You have to want to cheat. If you're so inclined, you'll look for any opportunity to spend more time with the object(s) of your desire.
It is perfectly possible for a man to spend a lot of time with a woman and not sleep with her or develop feelings.

Cheating is always a choice. I don't think your examples are necessarily a problem for people who wouldn't dream of having an affair. Obviously for those that would cheat it's a perfect environment.

Also your examples were a bit sexist op, so I'm objecting to that.

I think more affairs start off with alchohol tbh. The office party, the pub after work, the conference away not saying you can’t have a few drinks without your pants falling off but it certainly feels emotes boundaries and lowers your nhibitions

I know Men/women cheat because their unhappy in their relationship/marriage

That's not universally true. There are also those who are fine and happy, but just weak, greedy and selfish.

You can be in a man's company and behave completely respectfully/professionally/platonically.

It's when you start behaving inappropriately that other things develop.

Agree. Just spending time with the opposite sex isn't going to cause cheating. I know abusive partners who won't let their significant other spending time with the opposite sex.

😂

I think if there isn’t an element of trust in a relationship then it’s dead in the water. I don’t have boundaries - I don’t stop my other half seeing female friends the same way he doesn’t stop me from spending time with male friends like going climbing or allotmenting - neither of which he enjoys. I trust him and he trusts me and we both understand that if there is any unfaithfulness then it’s over. No working through it, no mediation - it’s over.

While this is true, there’s a parallel in legal terms with the idea of entrapment.

The principle there is that it’s possible to engineer a situation in which someone acts so out of character that it’s unreasonable to hold them fully accountable for their actions.

There must be millions of people of either sex who’ll live a life without cheating, or thinking of it, but who could do the wrong thing if approached in the right way at the right time.

There’s nothing wrong with being aware of this and choosing to avoid increasing the risks. For example, if you are away on a business trip, and an attractive person asks if you’d join them for a drink, saying no and moving away may be a better idea than spending a couple of hours chatting and having cocktails.

Someone will only cheat if they are the sort of person who would cheat.

I could be in those situations and I wouldn't cheat.

Someone else would.

However, there is also a lot of truth in this. But I the person who would say no and walk away if asked to join someone I found physically attractive for a drink.

So I still wouldn't!

I had a very good male friend a few years ago. I was also friends with his wife. She trusted him amd so left us situations when it would have been very easy for us to have an affair which included dropping out of plans at the last minute and insisting we go alone! We had a very candid conversation once about relationships and fidelity and I told her quote bluntly that she wasn't affair proofing her marriage and that the time her husband and I spent together (encouraged by her) could have been problematic if we'd been attracted to each other. She was, understandably, quite cross and defensive and told me she trusted both of us.

She was right to trust me but he eventually told me he'd fallen in love with me. I've not seen either of them since. Whilt that wasn't her fault, she facilitated the time we spent together and often insisted we went somewhere, eg to check out a pub, on our own.

It isn't the situation they find themselves in, or that the opportunity presents itself, or there's some sort of irresistible magnetic force, it's what is going on in their head.

At some point, they make a choice.

Not going to say everyone would cheat but anyone is capable of cheating. A momentary lapse of judgement, like when drinking, and you've kissed someone. Some situations just aren't appropriate regardless like being drunk alone with someone you find attractive.

IME, the only thing that prevents cheating is making the decision to be faithful and sticking to it. Avoiding alcohol or drugs if they'd cloud your judgment is part of that. I think the idea that consciously staying away from any and all possible temptation or opportunity makes cheating less likely is a false comfort. I don't want to think a partner's not cheating because s/he doesn't have the opportunity; if I did find myself thinking that on an ongoing basis I'd probably consider ending the relationship as the trust is gone and that's an unhappy way to live (for me).

And restricting normal human interactions in order to prevent illicit sex has tended to systematically disadvantage women rather than men. For example, if no one hires an opposite-sex junior employee in case of sexual or romantic temptation, that's more women left out as men are still disproportionately in positions of power and decision-making and the majority of men are heterosexual. I'd rather individual people just exercise normal restraint and self-discipline if the issue comes up; most people can.

Obviously if there's a specific person that you've previously cheated or seriously though about cheating with, you should avoid being in contact with that person if possible.

@Scorpio8 Definitely I believe it's preventable.

These things start from very innocent interactions majority of the times.
"Nothing wrong with that!" Is the thought behind

Trick is to nip it in the bud.

Some situations are of course necessary and unpreventable but we still can minimise the consequences

We need to start by being clear about our values and morals and following them through and through.

For eg. You said the guy comes to garden.
1: Does he have to come when the woman is alone? Is there absolutely no other workaround?
2: Does she have to chit chat with him? Can she just be polite but reserved and same from the man

You get the idea, steps can be taken from the get-go. Unless some people (esp women) argue that's backward. Then don't expect to avoid these sticky situations easily.

It must be said that I'd have to be very, very into a man to offer to do all his ironing for a week - and I quite like ironing. But men are perfectly capable of using irons themselves, and if they think it causes their penises to fall off, they'd be no use for an affair anyway, and if they vlaimed not to know how to iton i would be deeply unimpressed. He can have 10 minutes of my time to learn which fabrics need higher or lower temperatures, which to iron on the reverse, and that’s about it.

I think that alcohol is responsible for precipitating many flings and affairs, but it's certainly not essential.

I do think that people will quite often lie to themselves that they are buying drinks or volunteering to do that bit of work with someone or something so that they can be with a particular person, and then it just happens to happen - except deep down, they were making the situation so that it would be possible to just happen, and they couldn't help themselves - even if they don't admit it to themselves.

Of course it can be avoided, but people often don't want to avoid it. They want it to happen without having actively sought it, so they're not really guilty. The hormonal rush of meeting someone new, kissing them, having sex, can be very addictive. All addictions can be overcome if you try.

Most people are perfectly capable of keeping their underwear on, yes. Just because two people happen to work or spend other time together it does not follow that they will even be remotely attracted to one another, let alone tempted to cheat on their partner.

I don’t think I’ll ever understand this kind of premise.
You should be perfectly capable not to fuck someone else while you’re in a relationship.
No matter how long you spend time alone with someone.
No one or nothing or state of your relationship forces you to smash your genitalia with another person.
Cheaters cheat because they want to.
They chose to do that.

No idea but what’s with the “man helping a woman with her garden and a woman helping a man with his ironing” nonsense?