Men/women being careful of situation that cause them to cheat

[Scorpio8]

I know Men/women cheat because their unhappy in their relationship/marriage.
LL
Do you think some men/women are happy and they just put themselves in situation with the opposite sex in periods that find them end up having an affair. Do you believe it's preventable?

Like say a man goes woman house to help her do her garden for week. He goes alone. The same with a woman if a man needed ironing doing each day weekly.

Do you believe certain situations could be prevented if they work with another person around the opposite sex long enough. Especially if they are married/partner.

Different if they are single.

I know I sound crazy just need to know opinions please.

So is your fella a gardener? Or are you a bloke whose missus is a cleaner?

I don't get this assumption that you'll cheat if you're with a member of the opposite sex. It's just odd. Is Trust not a thing anymore. Do bisexuals have to be accompanied by their partner at all times just in case? Seriously? Just don't cheat on people.

There is always a choice.
My DH works closely with a female colleague - he doesn't cheat.

I work closely with a male colleague, we travel internationally together. I don't cheat.

There is always a choice

There is no way I would do any bloody man's ironing for a week.

Yes, I definitely think there are situations where this happens.
I think it comes down to knowing yourself, knowing your willpower, boundaries, and integrity, and knowing how easily tempted you are.
Some people can go years seeing someone they fancy in the sort of situation you describe, yet never act on it. Some people recognise there might be a risk developing, so will remove themselves from the situation. Other people just give in to temptation.

I used to do a job where I'd stay in a hotel once a month for a week. I met new people I would probably never see again each time. Sometimes we'd bond and people would want to go for dinner, which I would. Never alone with any male participant and not alcohol.

I love DH and firmly believe I wouldn't ever cheat. But if you go into a hairdresser's enough, getting a hair cut is more and more likely.

I agree with you.

I wonder if what the OP is hinting at is that there are certain situations where familiarity grows into an emotional closeness then the risk of cheating becomes greater. For example, between a PT and a client.

I used to be away all the time, for work, often just me and a bloke and we’d have dinner each night and, amazingly, I never considered cheating. It’s hardly difficult. Just keep your lips to yourself and your clothing on! DH never blinked at me being away and nor would I if he were.

i don’t think spending time with someone who is not your partner is going to make you cheat no, but if you continually put yourself in these situations then it becomes easier for sure.

If for instance you have a bit of spark with someone at work, you really should not spend time alone with them. You have to be honest with yourself and say “X is attractive and there is a bit of chemistry between us so I am going to do the right thing and keep it purely professional and avoid spending any direct time with them”

You can’t go through life never finding anyone but your partner attractive, but you can decide to govern yourself in a way that it would never ever have the potential to go beyond a surface level appreciation of someone’s good looks or great personality.

That said, if someone is going to cheat they are going to cheat. Doesn’t matter if they spend time with 100 friends of the opposite sex or one.

Although if you’re asking if it’s more Likely that people cheat with someone they’ve built a bond with through spending time with them - yeah probably.

lots of people have one nights stands but I would guess longer term affairs are built over time through spending time together either at work or through a hobby

both suck, both avoidable

It's not preventable. If someone wants to cheat, they will. I think there are loads of people who wouldn't actively go in search of someone to cheat with, but wouldn't turn down the opportunity if it presented itself.

@knittingaddict
That's why I said men and women if you did read in properly. Used an example of a man and woman.
I didn't just say a man nor a woman.

@Scorpio8 she's saying the idea of a male gardener and a female ironer are sexist

What a bizarre thing to say to the wife. It sounds like there’s a lot of internalised misogyny in the way you’re thinking about this. The only person to blame for him having feelings for you is him! Why wouldn’t she encourage two friends to spend time together? And if you thought it was that problematic why didn’t you decline?

I was using that as example they can swap roles it really doesn't matter but people got the idea.

@Googlecanthelpme

If for instance you have a bit of spark with someone at work, you really should not spend time alone with them. You have to be honest with yourself and say “X is attractive and there is a bit of chemistry between us so I am going to do the right thing and keep it purely professional and avoid spending any direct time with them”

I do think this why some men and women do cheat because they don't do the right thing. I like all what you wrote there.

Cheating is always a choice. Cheaters like to push the “it just HAPPENED!” thing because they cant or don’t want to take responsibility for their shitty choices.

If prolonged one on one exposure to another person is making someone want to cheat, they should either embrace and get over their crush on their own or they should just break up with their partner.

@MrsTerryPratchett

When you talked about meeting new people while away. Never a lone with a male that's really how it should be if your married.

It's not situations that cause people to cheat - it's their choices.

I have spent time alone with plenty of men in the past, and never cheated because I don't want to.

@Mumoblue

I agree

This is bullshit. Spending time alone with a male does not mean a woman will cheat, and vice versa.

God no, I spend loads of time alone with men! A couple of my best mates are.

I just think alone with a man you've known briefly, staying in a hotel, far from home, drinking... not smart. Safety as well as anything else!

@Octomore

Yes but even if you didn't some people cannot help themselves.

I just think what might start of completely innocent can lead somewhere. I think if you doing a kind of job in someone's say maybe it might last two week or more you shouldn't go alone especially if they are the opposite sex.
I personally wouldn't go to man house doing something everyday for 3 weeks I wouldn't want to go alone either.
Think your just putting yourself in a situation that you might not get out of. Not saying that it always happens. Any respect you would that job a two person job and then your not left alone.

I think it's a personality type. There are people out there who are easily tempted and love the attention. I hate the feeling of being single and women giving me a look that I might steal their husbands if I talk to them (which does happen). Not sure I really understand the idea that you should never be alone with a member of the opposite sex if you find them attractive but if you're seeking out someone's company or engineering time alone with them then it's a problem.

I don’t believe that you have to be consciously unhappy in your relationship to fall into limerence with someone else and ultimately, to be unfaithful. When in limerence, the cheater begins to view their existing, committed relationship less favourably to justify their actions. They may have genuinely been in an unhappy marriage. But, regardless of whether the marriage was unhappy or not, falling in love with someone else means their committed relationship/marriage pales in comparison to the new (exciting) one, so they begin to view that as a ‘bad marriage’.

In my experience, affairs can happen to anyone. All it takes is for a persons head to be turned in the direction of another.