Men/women being careful of situation that cause them to cheat

[Scorpio8]

I know Men/women cheat because their unhappy in their relationship/marriage.
LL
Do you think some men/women are happy and they just put themselves in situation with the opposite sex in periods that find them end up having an affair. Do you believe it's preventable?

Like say a man goes woman house to help her do her garden for week. He goes alone. The same with a woman if a man needed ironing doing each day weekly.

Do you believe certain situations could be prevented if they work with another person around the opposite sex long enough. Especially if they are married/partner.

Different if they are single.

I know I sound crazy just need to know opinions please.

At least one person knows whether or not they are in a relationship so if they cheat it’s their moral compass that’s off. The situation and circumstances are irrelevant.

“I personally wouldn't go to man house doing something everyday for 3 weeks I wouldn't want to go alone either.”

Why though? Has something bad happened in the past in that situation?

If you’re the one in a relationship and the guy comes on to you – you have the agency to tell him to fuck off. If you’re the single one and the (eg married) guy comes on to you – you have the agency to tell him to fuck off. If you don’t know if he’s single or not - err on the side of caution until you know his circumstances.

You can’t control other people’s behaviour but you can control your own.

You can’t control your emotions and feelings but you can control how you choose to act on them.

I just think what might start of completely innocent can lead somewhere. I think if you doing a kind of job in someone's say maybe it might last two week or more you shouldn't go alone especially if they are the opposite sex.
I personally wouldn't go to man house doing something everyday for 3 weeks I wouldn't want to go alone either.

So where does it end? I travel alone with my male colleague- we might be away for 10 days or more. I've never cheated

There most certainly needs to be boundaries in certain situations.
Not that men and women can't be alone just needs to be respect to their OH at end of the day.

People can restrain themselves perfectly well if they want to. I would never agree that some jobs should be segregated, or unavailable to married women, which I suspect is where this is going.

I don’t feel that as a single woman I shouldn’t employ male tradesmen to work on the house, that would be ridiculous.

@DatingDinosaur

Your totally right you can only control yourself and not someone else's.

I think long term relationships can be hard work at times, ups and downs of life. There are times when opportunities present themselves when people aren't actively looking and things happen that might not have otherwise. I am a bit cynical about friendships between opposite sexes. People choose their friends because there is something about them they like, something that is attractive to them. Throw in a bit of chemistry and opportunity , alcohol or personal crises and some people make poor and selfish choices.

@Scorpio8
When you talked about meeting new people while away. Never alone with a male that's really how it should be if your married.

What? You have absolutely NO self-control?

Someone is trying to write a 1970s porno… man just can’t find how to plug in his iron.. woman down the road (who could have had hot sex with him after a nice meal out but prefers to get steamy in household ways) just can say no. Can’t help herself get that ironing board out.
Sone people can’t help themselves 🙄🙄🙄

@swimlyn

I answered someone and don't think you understood so don't reply.

I think if you doing a kind of job in someone's say maybe it might last two week or more you shouldn't go alone especially if they are the opposite sex.

So if I employ a sole tradesman to do a job in my house that might take a week to complete, I should pay two men just in case I or they become overwhelmed by lust and “somehow” end up in bed together? Or maybe I just control my thoughts and feelings, keep my clothes on and don’t have sex with other people?

Your whole premise buys into the idea that love, lust, attraction or whatever is some unknown, uncontrollable entity that renders people unable to act on their own agency. Which actually absolves each person from being responsible for their own behaviour.

And “especially if they’re the opposite sex” is pretty useless if someone is same sex attracted.

Thanks all the responses some just was spot on. Exactly what I was thinking.
A lot of what you all said I agree with.

Whatever silly comments won't be responding no more.

Saying a woman should never be alone with a man 'cos temptation' is some epic-level regressive Talibanic bullshit...

@Scorpio8
You’re giving a lot of mixed messages here. Maybe proof read before reading?

Exactly this! I'd rather do the gardening

I think you can be around another person for long periods without cheating, even if you think they are attractive.
I'm also a firm believer that if you cheat you are not in love with your partner.

This tbh. If someone isn't particularly inclined to cheat then drinks/drugs are the strongest thing to change that.

Ha ha.

Did you mean "proof read before posting?"

Hyaluronic I think?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. So funny...

Hyaluronic I think?

Lol isn’t it ironic 😂

I would never have an affair with a woman who came to my house and did my ironing for a week, for free, because she would almost certainly be a kindly house sprite from a 1930s children’s book and thus we’d be physically incompatible, her overall height being likely the same length as my erect penis. (And 3.5” is actually perfectly functional, thank you)

So you’ll respond to those you’ll agree with and stick your fingers in your ears and sing “lalala” to those you don’t? You’re the type of person who won’t hear what they don’t want to hear, whether it’s sensible or not. Very childish, just like your opinion in my opinion.

@SweatyChamoisPad

I have had a lot of great responses here even if I hate to agree lol.
But there some silly responses will not reply too and yours was just a waste of time lol.
I asked for opinions and people gave their thoughts and it's been good seeing different responses.
Some really hit the nail on the head to what I was thinking.

Relationships are complex and I think sometimes people stay in them much longer than they should. It's really really hard to break up with someone who is Mr Nearly Right, to mess up the status quo and throw everything up in the air when you might have a perfectly nice life together. If an opportunity to cheat presents itself in this scenario I see it as a way to torch the relationship good and proper. Mr Nearly Right need never know but you would and then you know for sure it's over and can't go on, both because you'd be too guilty but also because the other person would have showed you a different future, even if you don't stay together.

Firstly, the married partner knows themselves well enough to know whether spending time with a particular individual comes with any risk. It’s very dependent on where their relationship is at, if they are being honest with themselves.

Even if the other party wants something to happen, does not mean that the married person in a scenario should act on that? Usually not.

Lets be honest, as women, I’m sure we have all been cat-called on the street, chatted up and/or had advances made by people we may even know, or know well. Typically that does not mean we reciprocate those advances. We may sometimes feel flattered, and it can make you feel more confident, but it doesn’t make you want to cheat.

The need to cheat doesn’t always come from a particular, individual threat, but I think more often than not it stems from a mindset of being OK with cheating at that time (consciously or subconsciously) and that is the issue.

So basically, if you’re insecure in your relationship or not fully happy then yes, opportunities or time spent with others could be dangerous. If you are secure in your marriage, and happy - then whatever happens should not seriously phase you.

Nothing would put me off an affair of any kind quicker than doing some blokes ironing for a week!

yeeeeeessssssss!!!!😁

I’ve been with DH for decades and he often worked away for long periods of time - his longest was more than a year with only one meet up! And I then had a job where I was surrounded by attractive successful men. Many of them become friends and we’d often have lunch / drinks, usually in a group, but occasionally 1:1.

Sometimes the dynamic would shift slightly and I’d notice the guy confiding over-personal stuff to me / sitting too close, and feel myself recognising that if I was single I’d be interested.

But whenever that happened I’d end the meetups, put a lot of distance between myself and the attractive guy, and in two instances just dropped friendships completely, because I don’t want to be some shitty cheater.

There is always a choice to cheat, and the option just to walk away, no matter the situation.