I went back to my abusive ex. We have a child together. After two years of not speaking- he went to domestic violence classes, has regular counselling, he told me that he has seen the error of his ways (he has never said this before) and that he has changed.
I thought I could be happy again but I couldn't forget what he did to me and I ended up being horrible to him (in the hope he would end things) but he sucked it up, he told me that he knew I was hurting and it would be alright, I would learn to trust him again. I said I couldn't forget and it would never be the same and that I have to do this for our child and it's best that we break up, that he deserves to be with someone that loves him, that's not scared of him, that is not horrible to him. But he got very upset and took pain killers to try to end his life.
Feeling guilty of what I caused. The next day I saw him at hospital and spent the night with him. At 4am, he kept going on about why have I been horrible to him and that he took his life. I told him not now as I have to get up very early to take our child to his classes. He immediately began to violently kick me, and told me "What did you say?! When it was your fault that I was in hospital". He was really angry. Hands clenched, I had to keep him happy, any I'll word against him, I knew would end with a punch up. When I was about to leave, he was very horrible, told me that why didn't I iron up my clothes, that he doesn't want to see me dressed like that again. I said "sorry sorry" as I knew that if I said anything, he would get angry.
When we left and he dropped me off at the station, he was becoming irate and shouty because I told him that I wanted to take a particular train as I would catch the other train in time. He shouted that I was stupid and I don't know what I'm talking about. A couple who witnessed everything, just looked at him and I said "see, people are seeing your behaviour". Then he said "so what, at least I'm real, I don't try to hide who I am, unlike you".
When I returned home. I had a sigh of relief. I thought I wasn't going to make it out alive. He then rang me and apologised. I bursted out crying saying that this cannot continue.
Weeks later on, he kept calling me. I told him that we were over and that he should only call for our child. He said that he accepts that it's Over but I cannot be in another relationship with someone else and that if I do, then I know what's going to happen to me.
In honesty, I am happy to have this arrangement. If that means peace and him not going to harm me. Then so be it. But he keeps on calling me and I don't answer. He become irate when I do. I just don't know what to do anymore or why I'm
Posting. I just have to make my bed and lie in it.