When you never hear from an ex

[Thistooshallpass.]

We were together 7.5 years - very happy together albeit with the complications of ex spouses and children (none together ) . Had been thinking about moving in together .
Ended in February when he confessed to sleeping with someone I'd had my suspicions about . It was one incident of physical stuff but had obviously been building up to it which was what I had been picking up on .
I listened to his confession, asked some questions and then told him I didn't want to see him again as it was too painful and left.
I haven't seen him since . We've communicated three times through text on a couple of practical matters and that's it .
Everyone always says exs will come back / beg for forgiveness etc etc . I've not contacted him as he hurt me so badly and the only way to get through was no contact .
No mutual friends and neither of us do social media .
Find it hard knowing nothing and just radio silence after all that time .
It still hurts and I still miss him .
Just can't understand it in a way .

You got what you asked for. Be pleased you can move on, guilt free. What's the issue.

In my experience it's only the ex's I didn't want back who contacted and never the ones I did
He's been a shit though so although it's hard it would be even harder to get over if you were still in contact so this is for the best

I don't have any advice, only that the same thing is happening to me and I feel just how you described. Waiting for something that isn't going to happen. I'm trying to find closure by myself without him but it isn't easy.

Do you want him to come back begging for forgiveness? It sounds like you wanted a clean break and got it. I'm not sure what your issue is.

You miss him because you weren't ready for it to end. It ended because he wronged you, not because you fell out of love. That's hard.

Everyone always says exs will come back / beg for forgiveness etc etc

Who says that?! I think if someone told you that, they were trying to comfort you. It's bollocks. I've not had an ex try to come back to me since I was a teenager.

They don’t always come back that’s a lie obviously it’s just something people say to make themselves feel better “they will come crawling back, they will regret it” it’s nonsense I’ve had exes I’ve never heard from again

Does he hurt that he hasn’t expressed any regret i.e. realised your value and made you feel wanted? I get why that would hurt a lot.

If it is that, it’s impossible to find your worth in others’ opinions of you so it’s something that needs to be grieved. Work on finding your own sense of self worth that isn’t dependent on anyone else’s opinion of you.

You made the right decision.
That doesn’t mean it’s not painful.

A big relationship to end so suddenly - your heart hasn’t caught up with your head.

You didn’t want him to be unfaithful.
Has he been unfaithful before?

Do you think he is with the OW?

It’s a grief process that takes time - often things feel worse a few months on before they get better - once all of the superficial anger has gone and the sadness beneath.

There's a phrase "women mourn, men replace".

I'm sure that must be unfair to lots of men, but 0% of the ones I've known.

But he had checked out of the relationship you had. People are not a set of rules so exes beg for forgiveness some skip off into the sunset and much grey in between.

Sometimes they take a year or two to try to come crawling back. Occasionally they don't at all. It sounds like you've got one of the cold ones who can switch their emotions on or off easily. And thats probably what enabled him to cheat in the long run. Its strange because normal human behaviour isn't to drop all contact and treat someone as a stranger, but be proud of your decision to end it, because you can guarantee if you hadn't and he had done it again, he would have dumped you in just as callous a way. At least this way you have control. Its also possible that he has ended all communication because he is ashamed/embarrassed/guilty.

Be glad he's gone. Having one that turns up like a bad penny every 18 months is very disruptive.

Definitely this . I was still very much in love . He had actually been the keener for years for more commitment and living together - when I finally was ready he messed it all up which is what I don't understand .
Re OW ... don't know if they are together or it didn't come to anything . When I asked about her that day he didn't seem very keen and said I was better than her in all respects . As I left he said he hadn't stopped loving me , hadn't wanted the relationship to end and that I was his world .
But then nothing !
And yes I did want him to beg for forgiveness and say he regretted it - whether I wanted him back or not .

How sad OP. But this is a character trait he has - he can clearly switch on and off his emotions, and what he says isn't to be trusted. Some of these men look for a woman who will tolerate their cheating and once he realised that wasn't you, he was out the door without a backward glance.

Taking all comments on board .
Been feeling at a loss with it all . I got past the first few months of utter desolation and became stronger and thought how weak and pathetic he was and how he lost out not me .
But now I still find myself waiting for something to happen - waiting for him to say something. Whereas realistically it doesn't seem like this will happen . Just have no real understanding of why it all happened.
I am sure he must regret what he's done as I know I brought a lot to his life and was in many ways way out of his league ( others opinions not necessarily mine) . Yet why would he never say anything.

I feel he should reach out . He did the wrong .
All I have left is my dignity of not chasing him !

I had a very similar situation @Thistooshallpass. same time scale, same reason for splitting. I listened and left. Sadly maybe things could have changed back in time but he became obsessed with trying to get me back..so ignoring..or that…neither is good feeling.
Take it as he did you a favour.

I think you just need to be honest with yourself. It sounds like if he get back in contact, asking for forgiveness and asking you to take him back, you would do. If that’s the case, then you need to reach out to him as he is probably under the impression that you don’t want him back. You told him to leave. He might not want to get back together, in which case nothing lost. The worst thing is living with regrets, and wishing months or years down the line that you hadn’t let the relationship go without trying to rescue it. Infidelity doesn’t have to mean the end if you’re both open to talk about why it happened and if you care enough about each other to try to work through it.

You are right if I'm honest I want to be in contact with him - whether together I don't know . The betrayal and hurt is so much .
But I've worked so hard to try and move on .
Never contacted him
Moved jobs
Looking at moving house
Keeping busy taking up new interests etc
All the things you are supposed to do
Sometimes it works and I forget him for abit .
It just feels unfinished as I don't suppose I got all the answers and then nothing .
Surely if he wanted me he should have tried to get me back or done something and he hasn't .

He’s either a coward who didn’t want to face seeing your hurt and you rejecting him further cos you worked out his cheating or he doesn’t care enough to work through it.

Either say you deserve better than a life of what ifs.

Definitely a coward - always hated confrontation, couldn't express his feelings very well and buried himself in distraction if there was a problem! Basically emotionally immature.
On paper he has so many flaws and we're very mismatched in most aspects I could never work out how we worked so well together

You’ve got to get under one to get over one im
afraid
It’s best he’s not around
but your heart is still broken x