Hi everyone, sorry, essay time!
I have a long history of my mother putting me down and saying insensitive thing. This has led to low self esteem. Things like criticising my weight and build as a young child but never adapting my diet from enormous portions, accusing me of trying to seduce married men, of being 'weird' for being introverted (this was a recurrent one), of being 'on the game' when I wore short shorts as a 21 year old, of being anorexic as a teenager when I tried to eat less but not actually finding out whether I was.
With boyfriends, there have been many comments over the years like 'what if he meets someone else?' (whilst at an event).
I am retraining in a career that is pretty hard to get into. She is always assuming I have failed assessments and 'assuring' me that it is ok to give up. I'm no prodigy but I am academically able and have done well professionally and at uni so I'm not sure why she thinks I need this assurance.
She's not a bad person but is very insensitive and thinks the worst of me a lot. This probably comes from her own insecurities. I have had to reassure her a lot over the years.
Anyway, I have had good relationships in the past but am mid 30s and trying to meet the right man for a family etc. I've had a lot of 'maybes' but not found the right one to settle with.
I have met someone new who seems nice and we have been on 5 dates now. We have a lot on common and really get on so far. He is always keen to see me again and has asked me out on 2 dates (lovely activities but not flash) and is not love bombing at all.
I saw my mother and some of her friends st the weekend. I don't see that much of her tbh. They asked about my love life and I showed them his OLD profile. The friends said he sounded nice and were pleased I am giving things a go with him. My mother's 'worried' face appeared. He looks 'too good to be true'. This means 'too good for me'. She thinks he will not turn out genuinely interested in me
He doesn't look Instagram- perfect or anything in his pics, just a nice-looking, slightly quirky bloke my age with a good job.
He may not turn out to be the right one. Fine. But this has made things feel a bit shit now. I am now am thinking things like 'why would he be interested in me?' and that she is right and must be onto something and I'm an idiot for thinking he would be into me, and that he will lose interest for all the things I have low self esteem about. This made me nervous on our last date and very aware of the things I don't like about myself, for instance I am not huge (size 12-14) but a couple of stone over my ideal weight due to some medication. My last boyfriend was both highly complimentary and put me down a lot (negging) and I am also thinking 'he must've been right too'.
TLDR: How do I forget what my mother has said and just enjoy getting to know this man, relaxing around him and seeing where it goes?