NC relatives that won’t accept it

[BiscoffSundae]

Has anyone gone NC with a relative who just won’t accept it? How have you dealt with it?

Continue to ignore them until they get the message?

You might have to provide more context about what you’ve already tried for people to give you helpful responses.

ive ignored them for 2 years they still haven’t got the message, just wondered if anyone had been in the same situation and what finally worked

So they still call if you block them?

No they are showing up at my house.

Yes, this happened to me. My NC relative followed us around in the car for weeks, bombarded us with letters and voicemails, and eventually tried to snatch one of my children from preschool.

We saved all messages and letters and passed them all to the police. We reported every incident. It took a while, but eventually the police made my relative sign the harassment act and told them they would be arrested if they contacted us again. They stopped at that point, although there have been a few little flurries of renewed harassment over the years - we wouldn't hesitate to involve the police again if it escalated.

Some people will not and cannot take "no" for an answer, and the only thing that will deter them is being threatened with consequences by someone they perceive as bigger than them, ie the law. It was the domestic violence unit that dealt with us, and I was surprised at how seriously they took it, once it had passed a certain threshold.

What have you said to them so far about not wanting them in your life?

I'm afraid you're going to have to give a bit more context if you want detailed replies. What steps have you already taken? What happens when they turn up? Do you open the door? Do you call the police? Have you blocked them on social media etc?

I’m asking how others have got it to stop, if you haven’t been in the situation then it won’t apply, I don’t answer the door but it doesn’t stop them coming.

I’ve haven’t spoken a word to them in 2 years but they keep coming to my door.

Surely you’ve told them already that they are not to come on to your property, in which case, pass the harassment diary on to the police.

Police. If you've told them not to come to your house and they keep coming, just tell the police. There's nothing you can do if they won't listen to you.

That must be so tricky. I never went NC but scaled right back and never left my parents in charge of my children once I worked out why I felt so awful all the time. When the 'we never see you' guilt trips started, I just explained in a very calm, almost kind way, why that was. I just gave facts. No emotional detail. Just: This happened. That happened, so now...' They can;t argue with facts.

It might be against your nature (or may not be safe) for you to use a similar tactic, but you coud try opening the door and stating a handful of irrefutable facts which have led you to your decision.

I don’t want to see or speak to her tbh, I’ve told her through other family members but clearly hasn’t worked, I was hoping to avoid the police being involved was wanting to hear that they give up eventually

So she keeps coming round because you haven't made it clear yourself? Obviously getting other family members to do it isn't working and perhaps that's what the problem is. You need to tell her yourself.

I have made it clear 2 years ago we had a massive fall out and we both said not to contact each other again. I’ve left it as I don’t want contact, she however won’t leave it and still contacts me. I did make it clear 2 years ago when she came to my house kicking off I told her to never contact me again.

Write a letter along the lines of I have camera evidence that you continue to come to my property. I have asked you in the past to stop and I am now telling you to stop with immediate effect. If you come to my property again I will call the police and report you for harassment.

What happens when she comes to your house? Do you speak to her, tell her to fuck off?? Like this makes no sense at all

What makes no sense? I fell out with a relative 2 years ago, we had a great big massive fall out and both weren’t speaking to each other again, feeling was mutual, however since then they have decided they don’t want to leave me alone and will occasionally turn up at my house randomly as they live close by, and knock on my door, I ignore them as I don’t want to see or speak to them... what is not making sense, if I don’t want to speak to someone I ignore them, they are blocked on my phone but as I live close by the feel they can turn up when they feel like it

Thanks I think I will go with the letter though I’m not planning to contact the police but that might be enough to stop them

Which relative and what was the fall out over?

Seeing as all they do is knock on the door occasionally Is it possible they might want to make up with you?

Careful LuckyLil, that sounds like a logical explanation! Seriously though, I have witnessed first hand the absolute heartbreak that's been left in the wake of two people going 'NC'.

Maybe worth a cease and desist letter from a solicitor? Does it matter that you haven’t asked her directly since the initial fall out? Maybe it does, maybe that’s all it needs? Although I often read on here that you shouldn’t speak/contact the harasser directly as that’s what they want. Can’t bloody win.

Oh right. So you just don't open the door. Seems like maybe they want to make up.

Open it and say no thanks and then hopefully they'll stop coming

I don’t want to make up, they can want to that doesn’t mean I have to? If they was genuine then why do they turn up in the middle of the night? 12am almost last night banging on the door, I don’t answer because they are known for being aggressive, I don’t think they are genuine but if they was (let’s just say if) show up at a normal time not in the middle of the night