I know I've been daft, advice please!

[OhHenry]

Hello,

I need some advice please.

I've been a bit of an idiot and I know that so please don't be too harsh.

I stepped away from online dating as it's not the place for me, low self esteem etc at the moment...

Couldn't believe the way some of the guys behaved and for the first time in my life I experienced 'negging'...I've actually never encountered this until now (almost 30)

So I guy I was chatting to and planning to meet for a coffee/dinner showed his true colours before meeting thankfully, and texted when drunk to ask for something casual (after telling me he is not looking for casual sex at all) ...so I stopped speaking with him. So he sent a few nicey nice messages obviously trying to win me over again etc...

After ignoring a few of his nicey nice messages.... When he was hungover decided to text me and say 'prove I look good naked etc etc '

Saying 'hungover, you don't fancy helping me out etc, no? Nothing?' Sit on my face etc etc ...

The messages seemed to have a slight aggressive tone because I had been ignoring him...

I was not impressed and blocked.

I'm ashamed to say his negging worked and when drunk one night I unblocked and sent him a photo (not fully topless I might add as you can't see full nipple and boobs partly covered by crossed arms etc) ...my face however is in the photo ☹️

I can only blame my cripplingly low self esteem for the poor decision...

He was very complimentary about the photo but I obviously regret sending it...

I asked him to delete it and he sent a screenshot of our what's app convo on his end to show he had...

But I guess it's been playing on my mind he could have screenshot it first or saved it to his camera roll etc..

It was 4 weeks ago he sent the screenshot to show it's deleted.

He has asked to meet up and I've just ignored!

I don't know whether to message him and ask him to make sure he has deleted the photo of his phone and that it's not just deleted of our what's app convo,

Or if that's just showing that I am anxious about it

Should I ask him to make sure he has deleted it off his phone or just leave it?

Haven't spoken in four weeks as I said so maybe would seem random?

And yes, I know I am a twat and would never do anything like this again! So please be gentle 😕

As I say low self esteem and issues that I'm working on to blame!!

Bump as this is keeping me awake tonight lol 🥴🥴

Well, you didn’t like him in the first place, he’s been begging you, sending you dick pics and generally acting like a twat. So why would you like him any better now?

Yes, you made a mistake with the tit pic. Once it’s out there, it’s out there and you have no control over it. Especially daft if your face is in view. But nothing you can do about that now. Just block him and move on.

He has never sent me a dick pic...

He offered pictures of himself and I ignored him.

I'm just wondering if I should ask him to ensure he has deleted any photo of me off his actual phone and not just off what's app...

He is the type that would say 'oh well I thought you only wanted it deleted off our whats app chat, not my actual phone'

So wondering if I should message him to make it clear to him that I do not give him permission to have it saved on his phone at all.....

The problem is OP that even if you ask him to confirm he’s deleted it, you really have no way of knowing that he has. I don’t think contacting him is going to do you any good. Delete his contact details, block him and delete the text/WhatsApp chain. Trust me we’ve all done cringingly embarrassing things but there’s really no point revisiting this with him in my view. Be interested to hear what others think.

@ChuckBerrysBoots -thanks for your message...yes that's very true...he could say he has deleted it...I've never done this before lol so I'm wondering if it's common for men to keep nudes they have been sent?

A combination of low self esteem and being very drunk that night is what led to it...

When I scroll up the what's app convo with him I actually blush, I'm like wtf was I thinking?! ....so do you think it's best if I delete our whole convo?

He lives with guys I used to hang around with about ten years ago which makes the whole thing even more embarrassing...

I guess I thought the only value in asking him to delete it is I thought it kind of falls under revenge porn...I.e..If I've made it clear in writing that I don't give him permission to have it, then it appears somewhere, it's illegal for him to have done that etc...

And yes I am also interested to hear others thoughts on this!

I think you should try and rid yourself of some of the shame you feel for taking and sending the photo. Yes it wouldn't be nice for other people to see it but it's not the end of the world. If you were ever challenged about it (unlikely) you could say it was a vengeful ex boyfriend (true).

I would leave it at that.

If you make it clear how much it's bothering you, you're handing him some power, if you see what I mean?

It's nothing too terrible, you've done, anyway.

As PP said, you have no way of knowing if he deleted it or not so you need to move on and forget. Block him, delete his number etc.

Whilst I’m sure it was a nice photo I’m sure he has moved on.
four weeks is a long time. There’s a good chance he’s received lots of other photos from other women in that time that he’s now looking at. Please don’t worry about it.

@Besttobe8001 - I have tried to rid myself of some of the shame...but it's not like he was a boyfriend who I took a photo for , so we had a trusted relationship and then we split up ...I would say lots of couples take photos for each each other...this guy is off tinder so it's worse...god knows what he thinks of me!

@RobertSmithsLipstick - yes I know what you mean. If I show I am freaked out he will know he has it over me...just had another quick glance at it...it's the fact my full face is in it ...and no you can't see the full nipple, but you can see some nipple and a decent amount of boobage! 🥴😕

I feel like what I have sent is way worse than dick picks that guys send as their face isn't in it at least!

@Carrieonmywaywardsun -that's true. It's probably best if I also delete the what's app thread so I'm not tempted to click on it and die with embarrassment on a frequent basis!

@AussieAussieAussie - yes that's very true. I know 4 weeks is a long time...he has been asking me to meet since last year, like since last summer....and he asked me as recently again as 4 weeks ago. But maybe after me ignoring the last time he will quit asking....

Think of it as a piece of art.

Beautiful woman, scantily clad.

Honestly, it's nothing .

I would leave it and learn from the experience.

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to confirm it was deleted. My phone automatically saves any pictures or videos sent via WhatsApp to my photos. I think that is the default on most phones (certainly iPhones) so you have no real way of knowing if he did delete it.

He sounds like a total ahole and he’d probably get satisfaction from you messaging him again if you ask him to delete it.

Block him and move on.
He has zero integrity and is negging you.
Put it down to experience and take the positives now that you're more the wiser. 💐

Dont have any more contact with him. It’s also nothing to be ashamed of, lots of people have sent photos they regret, including me. It’s a photo you’d rather wasn’t out there, and whilst you might regret it, isn’t anywhere near as shameful or shocking as it feels now. Don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed over this, it happens to a lot of people, and at the end of the day whilst you might seem a sense of mortification, it’s one of millions of photos of bodies. We all have one.
if ever it crops up anywhere, report it as revenge porn. Don’t tie yourself up worrying about it. No one is shocked by this stuff anymore.

@RobertSmithsLipstick -haha okay I will think of it that way...he was very complimentary about it...I guess I also hate the fact that it might have given him an ego boost though

@IIama - yea my iPhone definitely does that. It depends on the settings. I know he has an android from the screen shot he sent me of our what's app convo to prove it's deleted...I'm not sure how android works in Terms of saving photos to camera roll!

When I asked him to delete it initially in fairness he was all 'oh don't worry we have all done things after a few' then very complimentary etc...so surprisingly no arsehole reaction...

@Monty27 - I know he really is a bit of a twat...I hate the fact the negging worked! The thing is after that photo being sent he was actually all sweetness and light 'oh I didn't think I would hear from you again' ..then proceeding to ask me to meet for coffee etc...being complimentary...so weird! Obv thinking he is getting a shag...sorry to disappoint. Part of me was also baiting him by sending him photo, so that he would respond and be all keen and ask me out, so I could just ignore him...payback for the negging I guess!

@Tromboleese - I guess that's true! I probably know plenty of people who have sent photos like this to people. I think I would feel a lot better if my face wasn't in it....

I deffo did also do it because he has been such an asshole to me and tbh I don't think I've ever had someone disrespect me so much..so it was kind of like, I baited him, knew he would take the bait...and he has now sent me 7 messages in a row, offering photos of himself, asking to meet up etc..and I've read them all and ignored...( this guy doesn't seem to like me doing that) ....so it's kind of like , 1 nil ...serves him right 😜

Why haven't you blocked him?

@SaltyCrisp - I did block him and had him blocked for ages then in a drunken stupor unblocked and sent the photo....He knows he has been rude before, so when I unblocked and sent the photo he was all nicey nicey and ' oh I didn't think I would hear from you again'

Another thing I noticed...the reason why I blocked him some months ago was because he bombarded me with a number of rude messages...when I asked him to delete the nude I sent him...he screenshot me our what's app convo to prove he had...

What's interesting is he has deleted all the rude messages he had sent me on his end...but left other ones that weren't rude....why would he do that? Is it that he was embarrassed and didn't want to look At them?

That wasn't negging. You are being a headfuck, though. Blocking him, then teasing him, then ignoring him. The only reason you want to pointlessly contact him about the photo again is to keep up the drama and attention. Stop playing manipulative games.

@BadNomad - to be fair he has also played manipulative games! He is not nice....I just can't figure out why on his end he would delete loads of rude messages he sent me! It doesn't delete them on my end so it's not like deleting them will undo it IYSWIM ....

@Martggl - haha I know it's not exactly porn I guess it just felt like it to me. However, he did say to me 'you look sensational topless' so perhaps he counts it as a topless photo 🙈

I am still a tad curious as to why he deleted a lot of rude messages he sent me on his end....do you think he was embarrassed by them? And if so, Is that a good sign? ( these twats on OLD usually don't care about how rude they are!)