Background-
Been together for years, not long been married, 3 kids and I'm pregnant with another. 2 oldest children have very complex needs
Recently he's just been toxic with me, says I don't do enough and is constantly on my case, I can't seem to do anything right?? I can't take it no more
He went out last night, not a clue on when he got home, I sorted all the kids and got them to bed and meds etc i then bleached all 3 bathrooms top to bottom, cleaned all the downstairs, did a wash, sorted the 4 dogs out we have and got to bed gone midnight. Their was nothing wrong with the house when I went to bed everyone comments it's a show home it's immaculate, then I got up with the 3 kids, fed them, sorted the dogs, usual.... (I do a full day at the hospitsl with my oldest 2 every 2 weeks. And I mean near 11/12 hours, hes never done this ) 9.30 we was just sat relaxing an he runs downstairs and says he wants me up and ready with the kids I shouldn't be so lazy- they had a party this afternoon hence lazy morning just playing for a change so they wasn't sat around in nice clothes and no doubt get them minging!
He then starts how what will he do for dinner as I'm out with all 3 kids on my own and that I'm a slag an just baby sit the kids I'm not a mum etc just usual going for gold on me, I take them at 12 an come home for 6, get the youngest to bed then sort the older 2 for pjs, toilet, meds etc. Then he starts how I havnt made the dinner yet or cleaned the kitchen table stand and that the dogs needed cleaning to! He had all day to himself I honestly am so fed up I'm just a piece of shit on his shoe, why couldn't hw have put some roasties in whilst I drove back with all the kids, I made the chicken before I left or cleaned the dogs why I've been out all day- hw then put his hands around my throat an said keep blaming him an he's Guna strangle me. I'm just a slag who does nothing and I'm a shit mum. He then wished the new baby dies (second time he's done this)
Last month I was cleaning the bedroom floor so was on my hands an knees. He came behind me calling me a slag etc, I didn't speak back then as I went to get up he hit me in the fact an bust my nose all over the room then said he didn't realise he was that close to me ? Seems to be more an more often now I'm pregnant
He also keeps giving me loads of abuse over sex saying il sleep wirh anyone but him, Iv not slept with anyone but him since we got together, yes I had sex prior to him how shameful but I can't change it! I just don't want sex I'm 7 months pregnant I cannot be arsed an it's uncomfortable
This is a daily thing it's never good morning it's X do this X pass me that x you havnt done this today, I have NO purpose anymore but to do as I'm told, it's always worse if I plan something with the kids as I really should be at home cleaning I feel ??
Why do I deserve this? I honestly cannot do enough and I'm never good enough I just don't want to be here anymore, Iv been begging and begging the local council for help, he constantly kicks me out but won't write a letter to say this so I don't get anywhere as he lies saying he wants me at his house - his mortgage I pay !
I just wish I could have someone who loved me for been me and be happy. Not to be told on a daily basis im just a fat ugly slag who does nothing and I'm a shit mum and the kids deserve better. I'm honestly broken and don't see any way out. I take my son to bed and just picture myself jumping out of his window or I picture myself hanging from the top floor of the noise ??? This really isn't right
Honestly don't want any hate, I have no one to turn to and my life is a total mess I just want my baby's an to run away and to know we will be okay on our own