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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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I Can't take no more

69 replies

theuseless1 · 24/07/2022 20:37

Background-
Been together for years, not long been married, 3 kids and I'm pregnant with another. 2 oldest children have very complex needs

Recently he's just been toxic with me, says I don't do enough and is constantly on my case, I can't seem to do anything right?? I can't take it no more
He went out last night, not a clue on when he got home, I sorted all the kids and got them to bed and meds etc i then bleached all 3 bathrooms top to bottom, cleaned all the downstairs, did a wash, sorted the 4 dogs out we have and got to bed gone midnight. Their was nothing wrong with the house when I went to bed everyone comments it's a show home it's immaculate, then I got up with the 3 kids, fed them, sorted the dogs, usual.... (I do a full day at the hospitsl with my oldest 2 every 2 weeks. And I mean near 11/12 hours, hes never done this ) 9.30 we was just sat relaxing an he runs downstairs and says he wants me up and ready with the kids I shouldn't be so lazy- they had a party this afternoon hence lazy morning just playing for a change so they wasn't sat around in nice clothes and no doubt get them minging!
He then starts how what will he do for dinner as I'm out with all 3 kids on my own and that I'm a slag an just baby sit the kids I'm not a mum etc just usual going for gold on me, I take them at 12 an come home for 6, get the youngest to bed then sort the older 2 for pjs, toilet, meds etc. Then he starts how I havnt made the dinner yet or cleaned the kitchen table stand and that the dogs needed cleaning to! He had all day to himself I honestly am so fed up I'm just a piece of shit on his shoe, why couldn't hw have put some roasties in whilst I drove back with all the kids, I made the chicken before I left or cleaned the dogs why I've been out all day- hw then put his hands around my throat an said keep blaming him an he's Guna strangle me. I'm just a slag who does nothing and I'm a shit mum. He then wished the new baby dies (second time he's done this)
Last month I was cleaning the bedroom floor so was on my hands an knees. He came behind me calling me a slag etc, I didn't speak back then as I went to get up he hit me in the fact an bust my nose all over the room then said he didn't realise he was that close to me ? Seems to be more an more often now I'm pregnant
He also keeps giving me loads of abuse over sex saying il sleep wirh anyone but him, Iv not slept with anyone but him since we got together, yes I had sex prior to him how shameful but I can't change it! I just don't want sex I'm 7 months pregnant I cannot be arsed an it's uncomfortable
This is a daily thing it's never good morning it's X do this X pass me that x you havnt done this today, I have NO purpose anymore but to do as I'm told, it's always worse if I plan something with the kids as I really should be at home cleaning I feel ??
Why do I deserve this? I honestly cannot do enough and I'm never good enough I just don't want to be here anymore, Iv been begging and begging the local council for help, he constantly kicks me out but won't write a letter to say this so I don't get anywhere as he lies saying he wants me at his house - his mortgage I pay !

I just wish I could have someone who loved me for been me and be happy. Not to be told on a daily basis im just a fat ugly slag who does nothing and I'm a shit mum and the kids deserve better. I'm honestly broken and don't see any way out. I take my son to bed and just picture myself jumping out of his window or I picture myself hanging from the top floor of the noise ??? This really isn't right

Honestly don't want any hate, I have no one to turn to and my life is a total mess I just want my baby's an to run away and to know we will be okay on our own

OP posts:
RandomMess · 24/07/2022 20:39

Please ring woman's aid, please report the physical abuse to the police.

FlowersFlowersFlowersFlowersFlowers

WaveyHair · 24/07/2022 20:44

Police for the physical abuse- every time he tries to strangle you, hits you etc. Tell them you fear for your baby's safety.

And woman's aid for an exit plan. You do not need him in your life.

The relationship is dead, it's just that he does not have the balls to leave. You have rights to the house here and he knows it.

Donotgogentle · 24/07/2022 20:44

This is terrible op. Do you have anywhere else to go?

You must be so tired.

AsanteSana · 24/07/2022 20:45

As @RandomMess said - just get away from this cunt...

Paul72 · 24/07/2022 20:48

RandomMess · 24/07/2022 20:39

Please ring woman's aid, please report the physical abuse to the police.

FlowersFlowersFlowersFlowersFlowers

I am a man. I agree report this and get support.

orbitalcrisis · 24/07/2022 20:50

Call the police, now. You deserve better, SO much better. He is not worthy of you, no matter what he says.

theuseless1 · 24/07/2022 20:52

He knows I'd happily leave now Aslong as he provided me a letter so I could get a hostel or something with the kids to put us on but he refuses an says he will tell them I'm lieing and it's my hormones.... I really need to ring women's aid if he goes out an use another phone as he checks my calls via the itemised billing on 02. I just feel trapped. He watches, follows and is just constantly on my back, Iv emailed women's aid an they say please ring but I can't!

I'm really fed up, I'm trying to give my kids the world whilst I'm able to and he's ruining it for us all as we're not happy,
I'm so tired, the oldest 2 don't sleep much as it is so by the time I do get some sleep it was pointless shutting my eyes ?

I did bleed the other day but thankfully it stopped and all is okay with baby. He wasn't one bit bothered but was bothered enough to ring me moaning about something I didn't do good enough and then scream in my Face that Id missed some of my pregnancy vitamins when my youngest wasn't well and I was around the bend with him been sick an he was out ???

This is the tip of the iceberg

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 24/07/2022 20:54

Please contact womens aid and phone the police. He has assaulted you.
Have you got any family or friends around that can support you?
you need this man out of your house. You are doing everything on your own, 7 months pregnant and should not have to deal with someone abusing you all day!

theuseless1 · 24/07/2022 20:55

Hiddenvoice · 24/07/2022 20:54

Please contact womens aid and phone the police. He has assaulted you.
Have you got any family or friends around that can support you?
you need this man out of your house. You are doing everything on your own, 7 months pregnant and should not have to deal with someone abusing you all day!

I don't have anyone that can help me and the mortgage is in his name it's his house so me an the kids have to leave... x

OP posts:
Lizzyclar · 24/07/2022 20:58

No one should be treated like this. This is abuse mentally and physically.
You need to ring womans aid and they will help you. This is not good for you and your children. Ring the police next time and report him.
Don't be afraid. You will be protected and be high risk if he tries to do something again.

Iammeiamfree · 24/07/2022 21:08

You deserve so much more than this, sorry you are going through this op. Show him your worth by making a plan and getting out. The help is there, reach out. Can you speak to women's aid while at a midwife or hospital appointment? You can do this and have the life you deserve

theuseless1 · 24/07/2022 21:11

I need to use a phone he can't check though? The midwife is to open an I'm never their long an the past few he's actually attended ????? Never ever done this before an the hospital is full on with the 2 kids on my own for the full day its hard work I don't get to pee let alone make a call lol x

OP posts:
Sandra1984 · 24/07/2022 21:15

You and your kids are in danger with this man.

WaveyHair · 24/07/2022 21:21

Just get a cheap pay as you go mobile he doesn't know about. Or the hospital or police can phone for you.

Stop listening to what he is telling you and find out your rights. Your kids have rights to stay in the house, he is trying to bully you out of it so he does not leave have to leave.

RandomMess · 24/07/2022 21:25

You are married and the DC need to be housed, the years you lived together directly before manage contribute towards it be a "long" marriage with DC. You will be entitled to a share of all the assets.

You could tell staff at the hospital?

Livelovebehappy · 24/07/2022 21:27

It’s heart breaking that you seem to have had to put up with this for so long. He’s a vile human being and things will get worse. I’m not sure where you stand as far as the house goes, with it being in his name, but if you call Woman’s Aid they will be able to advise you on what your options are. These situations are what they deal with day in day out. You and your DCs and unborn child will be so much happier once you’re away from him. Be strong OP and remove yourself and your DCs from this abusive excuse for a man.

abdidab · 24/07/2022 21:28

Ring 999 and report he tried to strangle you. They will remove him from the home.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 24/07/2022 21:36

abdidab · 24/07/2022 21:28

Ring 999 and report he tried to strangle you. They will remove him from the home.

This. He is abusive and you are not safe to stay in the home. Call the police, he could have killed you and the baby strangling you.

Toothemoonandback · 24/07/2022 21:40

Please ring the maternity unit triage line, and tell them that you need a place of safety. Or tell them that you have abdominal pain, or baby’s movements are reduced. They will invite you in, and can contact women’s aid or the local domestic abuse support service on your behalf. They will help create a safety plan for you.

theuseless1 · 24/07/2022 21:41

RandomMess · 24/07/2022 21:25

You are married and the DC need to be housed, the years you lived together directly before manage contribute towards it be a "long" marriage with DC. You will be entitled to a share of all the assets.

You could tell staff at the hospital?

I think they have an idea as they've been asking me things recently, i need to know my rights if I am entitled to the house as I simply cannot go rent privately due to the adaptions needed for the older kids. So isn't as easy an I so bloody wish it was

OP posts:
teaandtoastwithmarmite · 24/07/2022 21:41

I got to the he is going to strangle me part and it sent shivers down my spine. You do know how that ends right? Most women who die at the hands of their partner die if that. I'm sorry to scare you but you need to call the police and report him for threatening you and hitting you and then you need to never let him near you again. Please do this.

mathanxiety · 24/07/2022 21:44

CALL THE POLICE.

REPORT THAT HE HAS ASSAULTED YOU.

MAKE THEM HELP YOU APPLY FOR A NON-MOLESTATION ORDER TODAY.

Men who put their hands around a woman's throat are likely to kill her.

Your P has deaued you to the point where he will kill you if you don't take steps to stop him.

You are in grave danger. Don't sit there waiting for what will come next. Take action.

mathanxiety · 24/07/2022 21:45
  • devalued
mathanxiety · 24/07/2022 21:49

You can get an occupation order as well as a non-molestation order.

The occupation order states who can live in the house and who can't. The children need the house more than your vile excuse for a man does, regardless of whose name is on the mortgage.

FairyBatman · 24/07/2022 21:51

Putting his hands around your throat is a big indicator hat he really is a dangerous man.

Can you slip the midwife or hospital staff a note.they will help you.

If you call the police they will remove him, and there is an order you can get that means he can’t come home.