I Can't take no more

[theuseless1]

Background-
Been together for years, not long been married, 3 kids and I'm pregnant with another. 2 oldest children have very complex needs

Recently he's just been toxic with me, says I don't do enough and is constantly on my case, I can't seem to do anything right?? I can't take it no more
He went out last night, not a clue on when he got home, I sorted all the kids and got them to bed and meds etc i then bleached all 3 bathrooms top to bottom, cleaned all the downstairs, did a wash, sorted the 4 dogs out we have and got to bed gone midnight. Their was nothing wrong with the house when I went to bed everyone comments it's a show home it's immaculate, then I got up with the 3 kids, fed them, sorted the dogs, usual.... (I do a full day at the hospitsl with my oldest 2 every 2 weeks. And I mean near 11/12 hours, hes never done this ) 9.30 we was just sat relaxing an he runs downstairs and says he wants me up and ready with the kids I shouldn't be so lazy- they had a party this afternoon hence lazy morning just playing for a change so they wasn't sat around in nice clothes and no doubt get them minging!
He then starts how what will he do for dinner as I'm out with all 3 kids on my own and that I'm a slag an just baby sit the kids I'm not a mum etc just usual going for gold on me, I take them at 12 an come home for 6, get the youngest to bed then sort the older 2 for pjs, toilet, meds etc. Then he starts how I havnt made the dinner yet or cleaned the kitchen table stand and that the dogs needed cleaning to! He had all day to himself I honestly am so fed up I'm just a piece of shit on his shoe, why couldn't hw have put some roasties in whilst I drove back with all the kids, I made the chicken before I left or cleaned the dogs why I've been out all day- hw then put his hands around my throat an said keep blaming him an he's Guna strangle me. I'm just a slag who does nothing and I'm a shit mum. He then wished the new baby dies (second time he's done this)
Last month I was cleaning the bedroom floor so was on my hands an knees. He came behind me calling me a slag etc, I didn't speak back then as I went to get up he hit me in the fact an bust my nose all over the room then said he didn't realise he was that close to me ? Seems to be more an more often now I'm pregnant
He also keeps giving me loads of abuse over sex saying il sleep wirh anyone but him, Iv not slept with anyone but him since we got together, yes I had sex prior to him how shameful but I can't change it! I just don't want sex I'm 7 months pregnant I cannot be arsed an it's uncomfortable
This is a daily thing it's never good morning it's X do this X pass me that x you havnt done this today, I have NO purpose anymore but to do as I'm told, it's always worse if I plan something with the kids as I really should be at home cleaning I feel ??
Why do I deserve this? I honestly cannot do enough and I'm never good enough I just don't want to be here anymore, Iv been begging and begging the local council for help, he constantly kicks me out but won't write a letter to say this so I don't get anywhere as he lies saying he wants me at his house - his mortgage I pay !

I just wish I could have someone who loved me for been me and be happy. Not to be told on a daily basis im just a fat ugly slag who does nothing and I'm a shit mum and the kids deserve better. I'm honestly broken and don't see any way out. I take my son to bed and just picture myself jumping out of his window or I picture myself hanging from the top floor of the noise ??? This really isn't right

Honestly don't want any hate, I have no one to turn to and my life is a total mess I just want my baby's an to run away and to know we will be okay on our own

abdidab · Today 21:28
Ring 999 and report he tried to strangle you. They will remove him from the home.

Tell them that he checks your calls and that you are frightened

Report his violence to the police and ask for him to arrested this buys you time and evidence to obtain an occupation order.

You and the DC have rights it sounds like he Shiism go to prison

Luv, this can't wait a moment longer and you must know that, The time has come to call the Police and have him removed. You stay in the home because the children need a home. Please do the right thing before he kills you and the baby. Your children need you x x x

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear that you are going through this.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Domestic Violence information helpful.

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's important that you seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Thanks everyone.

If you're alone at the hospital for 11 to 12 hours twice a week with your kids, that's an open window to seek help. In house SS for a start I would have thought?

I can only echo every one else OP. I’m thinking of you an hope you can tell someone who can help soon xx

That was heartbreaking to read he hates you for whatever perverted reason in his twisted mind. I really hope you find a way to get yourself and the kids away from this piece of filth.

When you do the school run, can you just pop into the office for ‘a word’ and then ask the receptionist if you can call women’s aid? Otherwise ask for the school’s safeguarding lead and ask if they can help you speak to women’s aid. Would either of those be possible?

Yes as PP have said, please use any reason out of the house to phone the police and/or woman's aid.

I fear you are so used to this behaviour you don't realise how dangerous it is.

I felt sick reading your post. When you are out with the children please ask someone to use their phone. This is not a safe situation at all and you will have to be careful to not use your own phone. Please also be careful he doesn't see this thread.

When you go to hospital with your DC for the day, ask for help, they can call the police for you. If your appointment isn't for a while find a reason to go tomorrow.

I'm on private browsing "on the toilet" so he won't be able to see the thread

How do I get the occupation order ?

And is it bad that I just think "will he hurry up an out me out my misery?" I just feel so done an trapped right now. He's in bed an I'm scrubbing the kitchen units as requested ? I don't see the point in me anymore I have no life or happiness. I'm ringing them tomorrow il use the kids iPads as the contract is in my name il out the sim into my mobile to make the call? That will work wont it

Thank you all. Really means a lot to not feel on my own x

I am thwir this week. I'm going to ask them if they can help me somehow
I dread coming home ? Or I dread him coming home

I agree with ringing woman's aid, tell someone at the next hospital visit or next time you're out at the shops go into Boots the chemist and ask for a private consultation with the chemist, they take you into a side room then ask the chemist if you can use a phone to call woman's aid.
Save yourself op, that was horrendous to read, update us and good luck ❤️

Non mol and occupation order through here.

www.ncdv.org.uk/self-referrals/

Police as soon as you can. Report the assault. The non fatal strangulation.

After I discovered my ex was having an affair for the previous 18 months after my stepdaughter dropped by her grandparents and he was sitting on their sofa holding his new girlfriends hand....she called me in tears after he told her I was moving country and never wanted to see or talk to her again and that's when it all began for me.

Never raised his voice or hand to me prior, but when confronted, he demanded I sign away my rights to the marital home as it was in his name only and he starting putting my belongings on the porch. I refused and after slamming doors, screaming at me and telling me how I had no rights, he slammed the kitchen door in my face and broke some teeth, damaged my eye socket and then broke my wrist when he slammed it again as I was backing out in pain. He sat and ate dinner, put his dishes in the sink for me to clean and left.

I walked to my friends, told them what had happened and then the process began. Hospital put the cast on and documented the physical abuse. Next was the police and put my signature to paper and he was arrested. Of course he denied it and said I broke my own teeth and wrist to frame him. Next morning was Citizens advice and was first in line. Because of the DV, I was assigned a solicitor free of charge through Legal Aid and met with her the same day.

First thing she did was file an order against the house so that he would be unable to re-mortgage it, sell it or give it to a family member. (He later tried as mortgage company refused because he legally was prohibited and the assets were protected.) I had no income and in no state to work so next was benefits. Step by step I got there. Solicitor got a court order of protection and he was allowed 30 minutes in the house supervised by police to get all his belongings he needed and was removed from the property for 12 months to begin with and a 12 month court order of protection because of the severity of the violence.

The court ordered him to pay the mortgage, council tax & all utilities until the divorce was final. Later on in the process he was also ordered to pay spousal support.

Step by step I survived and thrived and took a lot to get where I am now. I had no family and 1 pair of amazing friends to help me along the way. It's a hard path, but if you stay, the abuse will only escalate and you don't want your children to witness or be the next targets. I hope you can find a way to get help as there are people who can guide you on the steps you need to take to be safe.

Write a note in very clear print on a piece of paper and give it to the senior nurse at the hospital when you go next.

In the note, please write:
I need help urgently.

My Partner is abusing me violently and has been doing this more and more in the past few weeks. In the last two weeks alone he has hit me in the face and injured my nose, and has put his hands around my throat and squeezed.

I am terrified he will see any calls I make to police or Women's Aid using my phone.

I have nobody to help me.

Put your phone number on the note.

It’s your marital home so you have a share to it, doesn’t matter if the deeds are in his name. I second the idea of writing a note and passing it to the nurses in hospital.

You could also pass a note to the DC school or if they get special transport the staff on there?

To be honest using the sim from the iPads should work but it’s very high risk- if you forget to switch them back it will immediately alert him to what you’re doing at which point I think the danger to you would heighten.

you’re exhausted (understandably so). I think you’re better off buying a crappy talk and text with £10 of credit and using that to make the calls you need to make. In the meantime when it’s not being used switch it off and keep it well hidden. Again the risk to you if he discovers it will be grave

Thank you all so much, their is a section on the non mal order and on the occupation order to say you don't want the person whom it's about to know until after the decision and to explain why, I think if I apply for both and explain what's happening. It'll go to a hearing etc and then just hit him in the face an then thwir isn't anything he can do he just has to leave and leave us alone ? If it worked in my favour anyway
Think that is my best option and then once he's gone an has no idea so cant go at me. Il report him and just try get on with my life ? Xx

Thank you all so much, it feels better to have it or my chest and know it isn't me cracking up and who's always in the wrong

this 100% do this.

You do need to let the police know too. The judge will look for you having reported it esp for a without notice application

You are in danger and you need to report this to the police.

You do not need him to 'write you a letter' (WTF?)

If you do not have access to a phone of your own, you need to talk to someone at the hospital in confidence as he will obviously not be there with you.

Why are you bringing another child into this toxic relationship?

YOU NEED TO TAKE THE KIDS, GET IN THE CAR AND LEAVE NOW.

The council won't class me as homeless to house me in emergency accommodation without this

Also if you read properly I say it's been recently. I'm already pregnant when this started ?? Sorry I didn't have a glass ball at the time of conception