help....... need advice about living together

[clare1980]

my boyfriend has asked us to move in with him after xmas but i dont know if i want to move across the country away from my family and friends.he is still legally married as his divorce is not finalised yet. i stay at his house most of the time usually 2-3 weeks at a time but there is always an option to go home which i have to do so my daughter can see her dad. i am really happy and we are practically living together but i am not sure whether i should give up my house and make it permanent.i would be grateful for any advice

Wig and Robe - I am glad you are online because I want to say something to you. How dare you refer to pph as a 'glorified office girl'. Who on earth do you think you are? I read your profile, and I know exactly who you are and what you do and you don't impress me one bit. Law must be pretty dead in the water in Cardiff if you have quite so much time to be dispensing your 'legal advice' in the fashion you have been doing of late. But apart from that, I do wonder if the bar council would be quite so impressed with your dispensing of justice in this fashion. You seem to have awarded yourself 'lawyer of the week' on MN and I wonder if you are very experienced because as a member of the law society I know full well how careful I have to be when advising people in this way. (ie. I shouldn't). You ought to be very careful about setting yourself up like this. At the very least, could you knock off being quite so pompous.

i have decided there is no way i am gonna win this arguement so i have decided to drop it and see what happens. he spends xmas with his parents every year and he has his dd on boxing day for a couple of days and is working the rest of the time so it is very differcult. i think maybe i expect to much to ask to come first for a change.

would mners please give wig and robe a break she has dispensed good advice to lots of people on mn and i am very grateful for her advice

sorry clare, I don't mean to sound so ratty I thought it was just so horrible the way she spoke to pph. I hate the term 'glorified office girl' its just so nasty. I'm glad you've found her advice to be helpful, I' guess that's the main thing from your point of view.

sorry clare, I don't mean to sound so ratty I thought it was just so horrible the way she spoke to pph. I hate the term 'glorified office girl' its just so nasty. I'm glad you've found her advice to be helpful, I' guess that's the main thing from your point of view.

sorry you have had friction over Xmas - imho Xmas is such a massive source of family and financial worry - just have the best Xmas you can with your daughter, family and friends and don't attribute too much importance to whether or not you see your DP or not - and don't see it as the be all and end all. not everyone out there is having a fabby xmas surrounded by all the people they would want to be there - i just think in general that overly high expectations/media hype round xmas make people feel down when there's no need (rant over!!!).

take care

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Sorry, haven't read all the other posts but my instinct says be cautious before giving up any of your independence. Does this man intend marrying you? If so, then why not wait till after you've taken that step before moving in together? If not, then how can you be sure of his commitment? Tread carefully.

leglebegle

Clare: what did he want you to do over Christmas?
In many ways, it sounds as if you are v happy with him, but before (anyone) takes a big step, I think it's worth them asking why they want to do it.You have clearly had a difficult few years: you're not settling with him just because it's nice to have someone who wants to look after you, or so that you can get away from your DD's dad, are you?
Am I right in thinking that his DD is actually his Step-daughter from his previous marriage? How old is she? So your DD would be the second Step-daughter he would be taking on? Do you know why he broke up with his previous partner? (I have just realised that makes it sound as if I'm implying somehting really horrible - I'm not - it's just interesting to see what patterns people get themselves into before you decide if you fit!)

Hope you are ok following the Xmas row!

hi blu, his marriage ended cos his wife went off with another man and his dd is 7. we have decided to see each other just before xmas so we still get some time together. i am not trying to get away from my dd dad but just make a life where he and my past with him play a very small part in my life. this is not the first relationship i have had since we split but this is the only one that has felt rite.