Well you were all right...he hasn't changed.

[zizzis]

Name changed many many times. Mumsnet admin must think I'm an absolute idiot.

Left H last year, he was emotionally abusive. He went to therapy, I've been living with my mum ever since. I've not gone back which I'm thankful for.

So he managed to convince me he had changed, he seemed to have and we were seeing each other again, just not living together.

He has become extremely paranoid since I left him and last night he showed it again. My mum wasn't at home and it makes him uncomfortable - in his head, I'm going to have some random man round. I have dcs with me!

I would never ever do anything to hurt him. I never have done. When I left him, he slept with at least one other woman and messaged god knows how many. I did absolutely nothing.

This morning, he said I had said a couple of things that made him think things. I told him I couldn't carry on like this. I asked him what he was going to be like if I ever went out with friends on a night out (which I hardly ever do). He said he would be suspicious as I never go out and he would think things.

How can I live like this? Obviously I can't. And I won't. I've had my own therapy and I can see everything so much clearer. He gaslights everything.

I feel like such an idiot for believing the changes. In fact there really has been some positive changes but what can I do if he has these thoughts? I would never ever hurt him. Ever.

Well done for not responding to his text this morning. A great lesson I took a long time to learn is you don't have to engage with people who are horrible to you. Just ignore his calls and texts - it's liberating. Have a think about how you will communicate re DC - say texts only for instance - and then if he calls, don't pick up the phone. Ignore anything that isn't directly related to care of your DC. You and your DC are your responsibility, he can look after himself, you're not his mum.

No I never went out. Partly as I didn't trust him with dc and partly because I just don't go out anyway. It probably would of been an issue if I did. It was an issue when I went on holiday with my family a few years ago. He got it into this head that I had a holiday romance then.

I can't win at all. It's awful. It seems to hurt so much more this time. I was hoping it wouldn't.

I've still got all the messages and my diary with absolutely everything in, even the most horrendous stuff but right now I'm down playing it all. I've never done that before. This isn't me.

What do you mean you're downplaying it?

I hardly go out (I've been breastfeeding one child or the other for the past few years). On the odd occasions that I DO go out my husband is usually the one encouraging me to do so - when our older child was a toddler he encouraged me to join a local art group and made sure he was always available to be at home when it was on, swapping shifts if necessary, he looks after the kids for a couple of hours on Saturday mornings while I go to Pilates (he looks after them a lot more than that, but I mean he specifically always covers the class time), a few weeks ago he had both the kids at home one evening (including the newborn) while I popped out with my best friend to celebrate her new job.

I'm sure you're aware that not trusting him with the children is a red flag in itself.