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Original poster

Going down on one knee?

92 replies

Corrimony · 17/07/2022 09:04

I’m in love with a man from work.He has recently separated from his partner. I separated from DS’s dad 1yr ago. He comes into my office and goes down on one knee and kisses and hugs me passionately. He has said it feels right, being on his knee. Do you think he is hinting at marriage, or alternatively just that he loves to be on his knees before me and would enjoy being in a sexually submissive encounter (he loves a wide variety of ways of exploring passion!!). Sorry, I’m pretty new to this and clueless!

PS. Being on his knees means he can’t be so easily seen by colleagues through the office window, so maybe I shouldn’t read more into it!

OP posts:
ShrillSiren22 · 19/07/2022 08:53

You clearly think it’s fine for the two of you to be twatting about like a couple of 14yo’s at work so why are you even asking? You originally said he came into your office to go down on his knees and passionately hug and kiss you, everyone told you that was not acceptable behaviour in an office. Now you’re working in some beautiful gardens in Narnia where everyone skips around holding hands all day in flourescent hot pants so it might well be acceptable there.

If you’d said at the beginning that you were working somewhere like this, that in no way adheres to normal rules of professional behaviour or expectations, the answers would have probably been quite different. Either way, you’re both just out of long term relationships, I don’t think you should read anything into him going down on one knee.

Original poster
Corrimony · 19/07/2022 09:00

nca · 19/07/2022 08:47

How recently are you and new man together? And how recently has he left his GF?

The long and messy separating of lives has been going on since last autumn for him, but only finalised a few months. I think we both knew we had strong feelings for each other for years, but we’ve both been in bad relationships that needed to end anyway. We waited until our relationships were over before getting together and being open about how we felt.

OP posts:
Original poster
Corrimony · 19/07/2022 09:04

ShrillSiren22 · 19/07/2022 08:53

You clearly think it’s fine for the two of you to be twatting about like a couple of 14yo’s at work so why are you even asking? You originally said he came into your office to go down on his knees and passionately hug and kiss you, everyone told you that was not acceptable behaviour in an office. Now you’re working in some beautiful gardens in Narnia where everyone skips around holding hands all day in flourescent hot pants so it might well be acceptable there.

If you’d said at the beginning that you were working somewhere like this, that in no way adheres to normal rules of professional behaviour or expectations, the answers would have probably been quite different. Either way, you’re both just out of long term relationships, I don’t think you should read anything into him going down on one knee.

Sorry for the lack of background, but I didn’t initially think about my workplace culture being relevant. It is the only place I have worked since I had my son 13 years ago.

OP posts:
knittingaddict · 19/07/2022 09:08

is he 4'6" and are you 6'? I really can't imagine the scenario without a massive height difference. Or this never happened.

Original poster
Corrimony · 19/07/2022 09:09

wellhelloitsme · 19/07/2022 08:46

You just need to keep work and personal life separate OP. Anything else is unprofessional and risky. It's not appropriate to behave that way at work.

You do sound a little vulnerable and naive so please be careful and don't move too fast, too soon.

Date this guy if you want to, as in go on dates, and see how it goes. Slow things down. He sounds incredibly intense and that type is risky when someone is vulnerable as it can sometimes be a love bombing or future faking - even if you've known each other as friends / colleagues previously.

You only separated from your DS' son a year ago, have been in a controlling relationship previously for years and this guy also only recently separated. There's no need to rush anything. There's every reason to take it very slowly.

If he was to suggest moving in or marriage anytime soon then it wouldn't be a romantic thing, it would be irresponsible and inappropriate after such little time with kids involved, it would be a massive red flag. Huge.

Thank you for your thoughts. He is a very intense person and I realise I have been isolated for more than a decade, looking after a DS with special needs and in a controlling relationship. I will be more careful and enforce boundaries and slow things down. I am worried now about the red flags. I guess I was already worried in the back of my mind, but needed someone else to point it out.

OP posts:
knittingaddict · 19/07/2022 09:09

knittingaddict · 19/07/2022 09:08

is he 4'6" and are you 6'? I really can't imagine the scenario without a massive height difference. Or this never happened.

Scrap that. 😂The other way around obviously.

Original poster
Corrimony · 19/07/2022 09:15

I guess it just felt so amazing to feel admired and loved like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Corrimony · 19/07/2022 09:17

knittingaddict · 19/07/2022 09:08

is he 4'6" and are you 6'? I really can't imagine the scenario without a massive height difference. Or this never happened.

I was sitting in a desk chair, and he went down on his knees. It worked.

OP posts:
ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 19/07/2022 09:23

I’m baffled by the disapproving and sneery comments on this thread.

OP, it sounds so much fun, after the bad times you had in your previous relationship. DH and I were like teenagers in love after we met in our 40s. Your new bf sounds funny and romantic, in an easy-going workplace where you’re not surrounded by tut-tutting bores glowering from behind their computers. Why not just enjoy this wonderful, joyful interlude, whether it’s going anywhere or not?

Original poster
Corrimony · 19/07/2022 09:57

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus - Thank you! Your post made me cry after all the negativity. I was beginning to think that maybe everything I thought was good was actually entirely bad.

OP posts:
wellhelloitsme · 19/07/2022 10:02

Thank you for your thoughts. He is a very intense person and I realise I have been isolated for more than a decade, looking after a DS with special needs and in a controlling relationship. I will be more careful and enforce boundaries and slow things down. I am worried now about the red flags. I guess I was already worried in the back of my mind, but needed someone else to point it out.

I personally think that after years of a controlling relationship, someone "very intense" being your first re-entry into dating could be a bad idea.

While someone has just said people have been sneery (I hope not me as I tried to ensure my message was kind, especially as you sound vulnerable) you do say you were "already worried in the back of my mind" so I think that this relationship is too much too soon' and wouldn't have gone at the pace it has if it wasn't for him being the driving force between that pace?

It might not be this at all but this could help you with red flags and boundaries. Scroll down to the signs of love bombing and take a look when you have time - do any of these feel like they're happening?

https://www.insider.com/guides/health/sex-relationships/love-bomb?amp

You sound lovely and have had a really tough time with your previous partner and your son having special needs will of course have meant you have had less time and energy to prioritise yourself at any time.

Please do be careful with your kindness and vulnerability (for now) to intense people that might not be healthy for you as partners Flowers

Original poster
Corrimony · 19/07/2022 10:20

wellhelloitsme - thank you, that’s kind and sweet of you and I will carefully go through all the advice in your link and think about it all.

OP posts:
Homewardbound2022 · 19/07/2022 10:37

Whadda · 17/07/2022 09:57

Also, is there a massive height difference given that he can hug and kiss you whilst kneeling down? I’m picturing Janette Krankie.

😂

bluegardenflowers · 19/07/2022 10:43

Act like adults, and save this shit for outside. You're in a work environment

AMindNeedsBooks · 19/07/2022 11:24

You sound lovely and I'm sorry the way people have treated you on this thread! I think the last thing someone not long out of an abusive relationship needs is being made fun of and spoken to like some have - unbelievable!

I do agree you should be wary of things progressing too quickly with this man. Enjoy the happiness you are feeling just now, but don't be rushed into any serious commitment (marriage etc) until a lengthy time of getting to know each other on a romantic level. If you have both not long come out of unhappy relationships you are both likely feeling overjoyed and therefore acting like teenagers! Nothing wrong with that, however you have to ensure your boundaries are where the need to be after a very long, controlling relationship. I would suggest counselling for yourself.

I wish you all the best and continue to come to MN if you need support for anything Flowers

(PS your work sounds like a fab environment!)

Original poster
Corrimony · 19/07/2022 11:32

wellhelloitsme - I went through the questions in the link.

Signs of love bombing:

  1. They give you excessive compliments

He does give me loads of compliments.

  1. They want to spend time with you non-stop

No, he has a very full life with many friends and family members to spend time with. A fantastic contrast with my ex is that I feel like he doesn’t need me constantly and make me entirely and solely responsible for keeping him happy at all times.

  1. They go overboard with expensive gifts

No, not expensive gifts, but he leaves a lots of notes and flowers (freely picked from work, not bought) and he makes us salads for lunch laid out in nice patterns.

  1. They introduce you to important people early on

No.

  1. They mold themselves to be who they think you want

No. Definitely not. He is a very unique person with a strong sense of self. He seems consistent over the five years I’ve known him.

  1. They say "I love you" very fast

Yes but there were years of friendship and working closely together for years, so maybe this is ok.

  1. They guilt trip you for having boundaries

No. He is intensely romantic but generally happy and positive and easy going. He never minds if I have to change plans - he always has loads of other stuff to do and seems happy. He always says my son comes first.

  1. They commit to you super quickly

Not really. He talks a lot about the future and things he wants to do with me - places to travel and explore etc, and there was the thing about him saying he felt right going down on one knee to me.

  1. They want to move in together ASAP

No mention of this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Corrimony · 19/07/2022 12:18

AMindNeedsBooks - thank you! 😃🌺

OP posts:
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