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Original poster

Going down on one knee?

92 replies

Corrimony · 17/07/2022 09:04

I’m in love with a man from work.He has recently separated from his partner. I separated from DS’s dad 1yr ago. He comes into my office and goes down on one knee and kisses and hugs me passionately. He has said it feels right, being on his knee. Do you think he is hinting at marriage, or alternatively just that he loves to be on his knees before me and would enjoy being in a sexually submissive encounter (he loves a wide variety of ways of exploring passion!!). Sorry, I’m pretty new to this and clueless!

PS. Being on his knees means he can’t be so easily seen by colleagues through the office window, so maybe I shouldn’t read more into it!

OP posts:
GreenManalishi · 17/07/2022 17:58

It doesn't matter if anyone can see. You can see. Sounds really unappealing at best, to me.

Original poster
Corrimony · 17/07/2022 22:25

Thanks for you advice everyone. I have been very isolated in one unhappy and controlling relationship since I left university twenty years ago. I am pretty clueless and have got caught up in things. I needed the extra perspectives, as depressing as they are.

OP posts:
Original poster
Corrimony · 17/07/2022 22:42

(That was, I was in that long relationship until one year ago)

OP posts:
Whadda · 17/07/2022 22:46

Corrimony · 17/07/2022 17:49

But this is when no one can see. The most they could have seen is holding hands and arm in arm from a distance, which we wouldn’t do if near anyone.

Do you genuinely think that’s appropriate in a work environment?

Original poster
Corrimony · 18/07/2022 14:29

The kissing bit, of course not, but I guess that made it exciting and I generally feel if no one except the consenting people involved see or know and something is harmless and there is no power imbalance, than it is okay. I genuinely find it hard to imagine ever being bothered by two people holding hands. Perhaps that’s because we work in a relatively less formal industry which is mostly based outside (horticulture). A serious question, if a husband and wife worked in the same company, is it weird and inappropriate for them to walk down a path on the company site holding hands?

OP posts:
Reallybadidea · 18/07/2022 15:00

I can't believe I'm getting drawn into this, but I work with 5 married couples (that I can think of) and I've never once seen any of them holding hands. I'd find it odd and unprofessional if they did tbh.

Original poster
Corrimony · 18/07/2022 15:52

We don’t hold hands when we are in company and in plain sight of anyone, but it is a large 20 acre outdoor sight with lots of paths connecting different areas and reasons to walk around and check on different bits. If we were walking together and no one was around, it feels natural to hold hands. Probably people have on occasion, from a distance, rounding a corner, noticed we were holding hands, but we would drop contact drawing near anyone. It didn’t seem like a big deal, but maybe I’m wrong. Obviously it would seem weird and unnecessary if a couple were sat next to each other in a meeting and holding hands.

OP posts:
TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 18/07/2022 16:15

A serious question, if a husband and wife worked in the same company, is it weird and inappropriate for them to walk down a path on the company site holding hands?

DH and I have worked together in the past and I can honestly say that it would have never occurred to us to hold hands while at work, but then we take work seriously and want to be thought of as professionals doing a good job. Given what you describe, I don’t think that’s high on the list of concerns for you and your partner!

LadyLolaRuben · 18/07/2022 16:27

From your explanation of previous relationship etc I can see why you have thought this behaviour is ok.

Basically you and this guy should behave the same as you would with any other work colleague during work hours, even during break times. Your relationship outside of work is nothing to do with your employment.

I work with many couples - we have 18,000. We only know they are couples as we have been told - you wouldn't know otherwise. The only glue may be that they have the sane surname and are often on leave at the same time

Whadda · 18/07/2022 16:29

if a husband and wife worked in the same company, is it weird and inappropriate for them to walk down a path on the company site holding hands?

Yes.

nca · 18/07/2022 16:43

Corrimony · 18/07/2022 14:29

The kissing bit, of course not, but I guess that made it exciting and I generally feel if no one except the consenting people involved see or know and something is harmless and there is no power imbalance, than it is okay. I genuinely find it hard to imagine ever being bothered by two people holding hands. Perhaps that’s because we work in a relatively less formal industry which is mostly based outside (horticulture). A serious question, if a husband and wife worked in the same company, is it weird and inappropriate for them to walk down a path on the company site holding hands?

Yes it would be inappropriate. I can't believe you even have to ask.

theillustratedmummy · 18/07/2022 16:48

If someone did this at my work I'd honestly think they had lost all sense or were having some sort of breakdown. I have never had a partner go down on one knee to kiss me let alone at work.

Spohn · 18/07/2022 16:54

Try to not date blokes who behave like a horny little terrier.

Don't jeopardise your income to indulge in foreplay at work.

The thought of seeing someone at work sitting with their lover kneeling in front of them is fucking vomit inducing.

Not sure who your replies are for, you haven’t tagged anyone or quoted, so your replies make no sense.

Summerslam · 18/07/2022 17:26

He’s zoomed in on your vulnerability and is taking advantage of you. Keep the kisses, cuddles and hand holding out of work. You’ll end up as a laughing stock.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 18/07/2022 17:41

Corrimony · 18/07/2022 14:29

The kissing bit, of course not, but I guess that made it exciting and I generally feel if no one except the consenting people involved see or know and something is harmless and there is no power imbalance, than it is okay. I genuinely find it hard to imagine ever being bothered by two people holding hands. Perhaps that’s because we work in a relatively less formal industry which is mostly based outside (horticulture). A serious question, if a husband and wife worked in the same company, is it weird and inappropriate for them to walk down a path on the company site holding hands?

Me and DH worked in the same company for 3 years, had desks on the same floor of the office block, just round the corner from each other. Noone even knew that we knew each other let alone that we were married.

We had a complete separation of home and work.

Original poster
Corrimony · 18/07/2022 21:02

“Not sure who your replies are for, you haven’t tagged anyone or quoted, so your replies make no sense.” Spohn

Apologies. New this this. I thought if I hit reply through the three dots under a post it would be automatically indicates that your reply was a reply to this post.

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Original poster
Corrimony · 18/07/2022 21:21

Summerslam · 18/07/2022 17:26

He’s zoomed in on your vulnerability and is taking advantage of you. Keep the kisses, cuddles and hand holding out of work. You’ll end up as a laughing stock.

Pretty unanimous replies. I’m feeling really embarrassed and ashamed now.

Although, I can’t help wondering if my place of work has quite a different culture. There is generally lots of hugging and physical affection, goofing around, lots of zany artistic types and designers around with larger than life personalities. The owner the zaniest of them all, who flits around in a whirlwind of drama (amazing genius mind though).

I am feeling really stressed about being a laughing stock now, but tbh the idea of a place of work where it is impossible to tell married couples even know each other fills me with dread. The kissing no one else should have to see. But I am really struggling with the idea of it being so shame inducing to see someone holding hands in the long distance.

It makes me think of some sort of dystopian novel where people are forbidden from showing any affection or emotion on pain of becoming a social outcast.

OP posts:
Original poster
Corrimony · 18/07/2022 21:26

The owner of my place of work once had his boyfriend in to visit. It was a few years ago but I’m sure it was a hot sunny day and the boyfriend was wearing lime green hot pants, and that they hugged and were affectionate and held hands as they toured the site. I don’t think anyone had a problem with this (we were just laughing about the bold attire and pleased he’d found someone).

OP posts:
ShrillSiren22 · 18/07/2022 21:42

It’s a bit different if it’s the owner. Can you really not see that?

Original poster
Corrimony · 18/07/2022 22:16

ShrillSiren22 · 18/07/2022 21:42

It’s a bit different if it’s the owner. Can you really not see that?

The owner works on site full time. Do you not think the owners and managers set the culture and lead by example? He calls me and my partner his favourite lovely people and seems to love spending time with us and generally seems very happy with people as long as they are kind and hard working and good with the clients and keep the money coming in.

OP posts:
Spohn · 19/07/2022 00:47

You’re talking about a married couple who own a company occasionally holding hands. You and your new shag who has only recently dumped his girlfriend are behaving like creepy weirdos. Why not focus on parenting, instead of cock?

LadyLolaRuben · 19/07/2022 02:13

Hes only your partner if you have a long shared history together. If you share addresses and bank accounts etc. This sounds like a guy you've just got together with.

You're not paid to be conducting your relationship while you're working. You are employees during work hours and need to behave as such. What the boss gets up to is nothing to do with you. How he conducts himself in this instance is the perk of being the owner

Original poster
Corrimony · 19/07/2022 08:38

Spohn · 19/07/2022 00:47

You’re talking about a married couple who own a company occasionally holding hands. You and your new shag who has only recently dumped his girlfriend are behaving like creepy weirdos. Why not focus on parenting, instead of cock?

No, the boyfriend of the owner only was a brief relationship which didn’t last long.

As I said, I have been working closely with my ‘new shag’ for five years and we have considered each other close friends for years. We have only recently been open about loving each other in the romantic sense, but probably have done for years too.

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wellhelloitsme · 19/07/2022 08:46

You just need to keep work and personal life separate OP. Anything else is unprofessional and risky. It's not appropriate to behave that way at work.

You do sound a little vulnerable and naive so please be careful and don't move too fast, too soon.

Date this guy if you want to, as in go on dates, and see how it goes. Slow things down. He sounds incredibly intense and that type is risky when someone is vulnerable as it can sometimes be a love bombing or future faking - even if you've known each other as friends / colleagues previously.

You only separated from your DS' son a year ago, have been in a controlling relationship previously for years and this guy also only recently separated. There's no need to rush anything. There's every reason to take it very slowly.

If he was to suggest moving in or marriage anytime soon then it wouldn't be a romantic thing, it would be irresponsible and inappropriate after such little time with kids involved, it would be a massive red flag. Huge.

nca · 19/07/2022 08:47

How recently are you and new man together? And how recently has he left his GF?