Finding female friendships harder as I get older

[wigglypigeon]

I work in an all male environment which is great fun and I like that men are in general just 'black and white' with their thoughts and opinions.
Now, being middle aged I'm finding I just don't have the desire to have 'best buddy' girlfriends nor have the energy to deal with their dramas. I don't even really enjoy going out to dinner with them anymore.
Is this an age thing as when I was younger, there was nothing more important to me than having lots of female friends?!?!

Sounds like an internalised misogyny thing rather than an age thing.

I find there's a shift in our friendships as children leave home - there are people i am gravitating to more. It helps that we have big walking and swimming groups- more fun to meet for something active and purposeful than just drinks/food.

This. Why do you assume that all middle aged women are hard work/behaving dramatically?

I think it's a you thing.

The women I associate with are all great. Drama free and lots of fun.

Most people at work,male or female, are black and white.

Personal friends do come with drama.

But it's your life spend time with who you want to. No biggie to anyone else. The other females will continue to go out discussing their dramas without you.

Yes op know what you mean. I have a few good friends. But not mad on cliques when you join things and have noticed that with women.

I guess you’re just not like other girls, right?

On MN posters are always going on about the drama of female friendships, but none of my friends create 'drama". Yes, sometimes they need support. My best friend recently lost her brother and is quite low, but I don't call that drama. I think it is internalised misogyny too.

I guess it’s just so much easier to be friends with men, with their black and white thinking and lack of drama

its so weird coz I thought most stats about violence etc centred around men being the perpetrators
id call violence “drama” but you know, at least they’re black and white in their thibking right!

I haven't noticed this at all. I've actually made some amazing friendships in middle age.

hahaha

I do find it harder to make friends now, but not because of drama. It's because women in middle age are so busy taking care of everyone else and also probably very busy at work.

I get it OP I'm actually a bit relieved to read this thread as I thought maybe it's just me that's an antisocial old cow.

I'm in a few different friendship groups and I find gatherings are often non stop moaning, negativity, insularity, obsession with crap on TV, competitive ailments....I sometimes come away having spent all evening sympathising, taking an interest etc and not one person has asked me anything about me or my life. These are well off women on the whole and I despair about the lack of perspective ☹️

OP you sound like such a “pick me” 😂 I’m joking, I know understand how you feel.

But the men are better? I think DH only asks after his 'friends' if they are on the verge of death. And he certainly doesn't know the names of their wives or DC.

I’ve never had ‘drama’ with a female friend. I think the pp who suggested internalised misogyny is correct.

Really? While there are 'dramas' at all stages in life, most of my friends (post 50) are over that, and certainly don't spend their time moaning! Our kids are at the starting uni stage (I still have one in school even though I'm 60), or starting careers. A couple are becoming grandparents, though for most of us that's years away.
We are an optimistic fun loving bunch. I don't have a partner (the only one as I'm a widow) so I particularly enjoy ladies night out, 6-10 of us, just enjoying each other's company. If husbands join us they tend to sit one end of the table anyway.
I'm planning a holiday and I'm going to invite a couple female friends - can't wait! Maybe you just need different friends.

100% agree.

@JanisMoplin yes men or mixed groups are better.

😀I agree with PPs that your post reeks of internalised misogyny and weird sexist assumptions. Quite apart from none of my female friends from a variety of cultures and backgrounds causing ‘drama’, my close male friends are very far from ‘black and white’-thinking, simple creatures. The male friend I see most of is a complex, touchy, sensitive individual — also funny, clever, kind and an excellent friend.

For the people saying she has “internalised misogyny” maybe she’s just had bad experiences with female friends and it’s not the deep, the same way some women avoid relationships with men because they’ve been badly treated, it’s a completely valid way to feel

Men are easy to befriend because they're often low quality friends. Either they secretly think you're fit, or you're the black sheep of the 'friendship' group because you're the only woman.

Female friends can be harder to find because you can't just rely on your looks or just being the only female around. You have to put effort in, sometimes it's intimidating, sometimes you just don't click.

From experience, as soon as you said you have male friends - avoid. Volunteer or join a club you like, you will find women you gravitate towards. Invite them out for a coffee. Go from there.

I would hope that most people's personal lives have more nuanced and complex interactions than those required of colleagues. Although if that's not for you then crack on.

Spot on

I always roll my eyes when it’s talk of men not having drama. They do - it’s just celebrated as interesting interactions.

you are hanging out with women that don’t match you and you have internalised misogyny.

find some women that are interesting to you.