Has your husband ever stopped you from buying apparel for yourself?

[Jasjasrose1223]

My husband complained me for buying clothes for myself, he said I shouldn't spend the money when I don't know how to make money. In fact, I do not shop often. I only bought something that I like during sale. Last time I bought myself a dress was 3 to 4 months ago from TK Maxx. Also, I want to take our ds to the beach so I bought I tent from Amazon. Again, he said I should not spend the money. I had to return them all.

What do you mean? This is presumably your money, earned from work, not joint money?

He is financially abusive. Divorce him. This is not how partners treat each other.

Even if it’s joint money, why shouldn’t she be able to buy herself some clothes occasionally?

I came skipping onto this thread because it’s the first time I’ve seen the word apparel used in everyday language, it being like “garment” and “beverage” in this respect.

I now feel bad because your husband is a horrible man and you clearly need support to either stand up to him or to leave.

You are married and share a child, assuming you don’t spend your days reclining on a chaise longue eating peeled grapes while he’s down the salt mines 12 hours a day; then it’s family money.

This is unfair and unreasonable of him... I make a lot less than my husband but in the past I used to make more than him. Never has he said no to me shopping for myself or our son. When I earned more than he did, I wouldn't stop him either. As long as neither of us were inconsiderate with our spending, it's surely just a part of normal life' isn't it?!

It depends if they are struggling to feed themselves and keep the bailiffs from the door or if they are happily drinking champagne while booking another nice holiday.

Context matters.

Never. We put all our money in the same pot. He earns more because I work part time but he'd never police my spending. We both have a mutually agreed amount that we need to 'ask' the other about before spending, but below that amount it's fine. We trust each other not to drain our bank account and to prioritise spending responsibly. Couldn't live any other way. Sounds like you're dh is controlling, a big red flag.

It is joint money. We are not rich, just living an average life. I have never stopped him from buying anything for himself. In fact, he has just bought himself something few days ago.

Why did you “have” to return it? Can”t you say no?

I am a sahm with 4 kids and my husband runs his own business. I can honestly say I buy what I want, when I want (within reason obviously) and my husband never ever questions it. I run everything to do with house and kids and he pays for it. He is still a hands on dad and does plenty with the kids but although some would insist I am financially reliant on him I can assure you he is reliant on me in many other ways. We are a team!

I wish my husband would think and do the same. He never appreciate what I do for the family and always think I don't know how to make money.

I don't want them anymore because they are stained with stigma.

What did he buy himself? Are you in debt? Are you supposed to be saving up for something? It could be sensible or abuse hard to know without details.
The tent could be a waste if you hardly ever go to the beach and it's expensive or if you have something else adequate to use for cover at the beach. It's difficult to say without knowing your situation more.

What does I don't know how to make money mean? Does he mean that you have not had to work before and don't know what it's like to earn money or does he mean don't know how to manage money or make it last and spend it sensibly?

No, never.
it’s my money!
We each put the same amount into the joint account each month for mortgage, bills, food etc, but still retain our own personal accounts, so can spend whatever we like from those accounts.

When was the last time you went to the dentist, opticians, got your hair cut?. My guess is that if he treats you this badly about clothes to the point you feel you have to return them then self care like the above fall by the wayside as well. Make no mistake here this is abuse from him towards you (and in turn your kids). One rule for him and quite another for you is completely unacceptable and the only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

How can you be helped here into leaving your abuser?. You do not want to stay with a man who does not appreciate what you do for the family here.

Yes, but he was right...😂 just like I was right in saying no to his request for a new TV..

Yours is financial abuse though. Very different.

No, never. My dh insists I spend more on myself. He took me to a massive clothes shop and insisted I spent a good 500 euros on clothes for a cruise we are going on next year.

Best response ever!

Why don't you get a job? Show him you do know how to make money.

Tell him fine you'll get a job. That you both need to work out how to share child and household tasks.

Or you're could leave the financially abusive twat. Think I'd rather be on UC than put up with that.

Bloody hell I expected to find out your husband was Tom Ford and he was merely commenting that the shade of pink you bought is not complementary and to go for the navy and cream.
Not that your dh is a nasty twat.
Is he worth the effort op?
Would you be better off without him?

No, my DH has never done that, in fact if I'm going out shopping he'll often ask me if I've got enough money and will press a wodge of cash in my hand as an extra.

We're not exactly flush by any means, but he's never been tight.

'Stained with stigma'....that's a very loaded statement for a very minor purchase which most husbands wouldn't bat an eye lid about.

Do you feel ashamed often OP?

Gosh stained with stigma is a bit extreme.

you say it’s joint money it’s clearly not. Do you have a job op, do you earn anything?