Has your husband ever stopped you from buying apparel for yourself?

[Jasjasrose1223]

My husband complained me for buying clothes for myself, he said I shouldn't spend the money when I don't know how to make money. In fact, I do not shop often. I only bought something that I like during sale. Last time I bought myself a dress was 3 to 4 months ago from TK Maxx. Also, I want to take our ds to the beach so I bought I tent from Amazon. Again, he said I should not spend the money. I had to return them all.

Don’t you use cards? How would he not know if you have enough?

No my husband never ever questioned what I bought or why, even when I was sahm and not earning anything.

No. Never.

My husband has said “watch what you spend for a while, money is tight at the moment” but that’s all.

But then in the past, when we had less money, we both discussed any expenditure over £50 even though he was the one who earned it. It was family money was spent together as we were a family.

This is very controlling and financially abusive behaviour.

An ex partner of mine wouldn't let me buy clothes without his approval. He had to like everything I bought, and if I bought something without checking in for his opinion, he'd sulk for days and give me the silent treatment as punishment.

He was very abusive and I left him.

Similar here. SAHM, have been for 7 years. DH earns all the money but has never told me I can't buy something. TBH, unless its ££££, I don't even ask him. He's my DH, not my accountant

I helped him with his business. Never get paid though. I don't know if that classifies as a job.

I mean help*

Dh ? No never.
Abusive exP - yes. Once shouted at me , in public , for buying a winter coat in the sales. He had spent more than double the cost of the coat the night before on alcohol. I was the higher earner. He was a twat, as is your 'D'H.

I am a SAHM and if I want to buy clothes then I do. DH often encourages me to do so as I am not a fan of shopping so often put it off and then complain I have nothing to wear.

I’ve read your previous thread and I think you should reread it and the replies that you received. Not being able to buy clothes is very much the tip of the iceberg. You need to leave this man.

You were advised to ring Women’s Aid and read ‘Why does he do that' by Lundy Bancroft. Have you done either of these things? If not, I really urge you to. I think you’d find them enormously helpful.

Woah - you work at his business but don't get paid???? He says you don't know how to make money? He's disugusting. He's happily using your labour for free, labour that you could use elsewhere and get paid for. Then he accuses you of not being able to earn??

Why don't you take your labour to someone who will pay you? Show him you can earn. And make sure he does his fair share of the parenting and housework being as you both work.

He is financially abusive. He is abusing you in his business. He is disrespctful. He doesn't value your parenting and the work you do in the home.

This is about so much more than money. He doesn't seem to have any respect for you. Do you feel loved, supported, listened to, important? Because your husband should make you feel all of those things. If he doesn't then he is not a good husband (and I can tell you he isn't a good husband from what you've told us already) and you would be much better off away from him. He doesn't deserve you.

Never. But we have separate bank accounts.

Once I've paid my half of the bills, I'll spend whatever is left how I like.

What does “help” look like is it now and again or regular work?

however it’s irrelevant, from your other thread this is the least of your issues. Did you act on any advice given before?

I'm a SAHM, I've been been on a bit of a spending spree since we moved in April. DH tries to look interested when I tell him what I've bought and that's about it really.

What do you do for his business? How frequently?
How old are the DCs?

You should have equal access to money.

Go through your finances with him, and agree what you need for bills and investments, and what you having for spending money for the kids and yourselves. If you aren't skint, you should have some money to spend on yourselves.

Why did you return things just because he said so if you can afford them? He's not your boss.

No

But then again we both contribute financially to our household.

Next time he buys anything for himself make him send it back and if he doesn't then guilt him every time he uses it.

What an arse hole he is.

So does OP?

What point are you making?

@csection12 she doesn't contribute financially at all.

What a silly view

@alphapie If she works for the business that finances the family, she contributes to the family finances. If she takes care of the children she contributes to the family.

OP, I would LTB.

She provides childcare (£1000 a month) and helps with family business which pays the bills.

You don't need to be physically bringing in money to be contributing financially.

She said she works unpaid for his business.

If she didn't, he would have to pay someone else to do that work.

You really don't think he sounds like he's being abusive to her at all?

Oh OP I looked at your previous thread 😞

Please, please leave this man.

He's physically and emotionally abusive. He's hit you. He berates you. He belittles you.

You are (rightly) frightened of him.

Please don't waste any more years living under the same roof as him and forcing your little one to do the same.