‘The decent men won’t want you now’

[HippoJpe]

I’ve heard the ‘decent men won’t want you now’ line very often too. Not only directly to me but overheard and general chat at work etc about someone else with DC.

I just can’t imagine it happening with someone new. DC is one and life is full on. Can’t imagine anyone wanting me for me or wanting to take on DC as well.

I’m 36 and feel a bit like im stuck now.

any nice stories of meeting a good one, solvent, loving, loves DC too? I can’t imagine it at all.

I've never managed to find a decent man...are there any?

My advice would be to focus on you and your child. Build a life for you. Make yourself ‘solvent’. Do they things that make you happy.

And don’t worry in the least about anyone ‘wanting’ you.

When you find one see if he’s got a brother for me lol !

I feel the same and I'm exact same position and age
Though I see so many people on here say otherwise I really don't think it will happen for me
I found it hard enough to find anyone even before I became a single parent

I'm also not overly arsed anymore anyway

This is the sort of thing not-decent people say, because they don't understand how decent people think/feel.

It's nonsense, but if you choose to believe it, that's up to you. You're responsible for yourself.

I was roughly your age when I became a single parent with a 1 year old and felt the exact same.

When she was around 3 I started online dating (when she was with her dad). I was actually shocked at the number of men who were interested - there are a lot of single dads in the same position who will not be put off. In fact, a few of them liked I had a young dc as they were in the same position.

I met a few not so nice men but on the whole they were lovely decent men - we just didn't click or there wasn't enough chemistry.

Early days but I'm now for the 1st town since splitting with my exH in a really happy relationship. This particular guy is a bit older than me, never had kids of his own but doesn't seem bothered at all that I'm a mum (although Dd is now 6)

Honestly I think your first thought should be, do I need a partner?

Being genuinely happy in yourself is key to a happy life and onwards, in a relationship with another person.

I would say unless you're genuinely happy being single, you're not ready to date. Otherwise you're just looking for someone to fill a perceived gap in your life rather than someone who genuinely amplifies it several fold.

On the flipside, if you already have a child/children, there's maybe not as much rush to find someone to have babies with?

I met my now husband when I was 35 and we have a child at 40, yes it is perfectly possible, and people say all sorts of rude stuff to single women.
I second others focus on creating the life you want for you, interests, career and friendship qnd also make clear decisions to date men that show signs of being the kind of grown up man you want to be with.

I met my partner at a meetup. I think they are good options as you get to build friendships. I also hear good things about walking groups qs well.

Also my husband hadn't had a long term partner for ages and worked in male dominated industry . At first I was a bit suspicious about this but he turned out to be an undiscovered gem.

There are all sorts in this world. A friend of mine was on her own with four children and met the most fabulous man and they have been together for over twenty years.

I could never afford a babysitter and didn't have family to babysit for me, so didn't really have much of an opportunity to meet someone new. However I've had a great life and no complaints

I had a baby just months old and a 4 year old when I met my very, very decent partner. He has no children of his own.
It progressed very slowly as I worked around child free nights but now he plays a massive part in the kids lives. He helps with school runs, makes their dinners, gets up in the night with them. I think the decent men don’t see children as ‘baggage’. Having children weeds out the wrong ones for you.

You are young and have every hope of finding a very decent man. Don’t ever think otherwise and lower your worth!

I think in your 30s your dating pool is late twenties to forties and I imagine many are single parents too. It's harder being a single mum in her early twenties or teen.
Finding a decent guy is hard anyway at any age.
It will put off some men that you have children and the more they are and the more fathers they have the smaller your pool but it only takes one right person. Focus on yourself and your child(ren).

If you have a one year old why are you even thinking about men?
Just focus on the baby for now.

Ahh yes, strangers of the internet will decide if/when you're ready to consider companionship.

Where are the rules that tell us when we're allowed to think about relationships and when we're not? If there aren't any, why are you issuing imperatives?

This sort of comment demonstrates the sexist mentality of the person saying it, that a woman’s quality of life and value is predominantly based on her relationship status. They’re saying that a woman’s life is incomplete because she’s not married/a mum/etc etc. in other words, you can ignore it and live the way that’s right for you and your DCs.

Decent men really won't mind. It may take longer to find them, but they are out there.

(And decent men can behave wonderfully indecently. 😉)

It's a load of bollocks intented to shame single mothers.

🙄🥱

Set yourself up without a man and if one comes along who adds to your situation in every way, bonus. They are absolutely out there, it happened for me but I'm still fiercely independent and there is never a seconds doubt that DC come first and he respects that about me massively.

I found a goodun. Was married for 14 years, I won't go into details why we split but he's still a thorn in my side now years later.

I never thought I'd meet anyone, I was in my 30s have children etc.. fully prepared to just be a crazy cat lady and have a second chance at life once the kids had left home. Well completely unexpected my partner appears and I fell head over heals in love. He is amazing with my children who live with us full time, we have our own DC, happily married bought a house together. They are rare but there are men out there. Don't give up hope x

Decent men don't talk like that.

Why do you want to force your child into relationship with an unrelated man? Why not have a wonderful life at home with your child and an exciting love-life away from home?

OP has clearly stated that that isn't what she wants.