i havent seen my mum for over a yearbecuase of an argument.
the thing is this. from my being very young she has been depessed always on mogadon insomniac speaks to herself, has always had arguments with herself, when i was little she took the kettle upstairs and lived in her bedroom rarely surfacing ( my dad died when i was 4 she never got over it) and that was ok becuase my nan lived with us until i was 12 but after that it was a lonley house - am an only child.
Later and whilst i was an adult the talking to herself turned into not using the phone becuase people were listening, not using the telly for the same reason, she told me there was a radar honing in on her, she told me once my uncle came and talked to her - and he was in sri lanka at the time, she said a van was outside her house listening to her. she phoned me at xmas time desperatley upset about the people listening to her - i drove 300 miles the next day to get her and 300 back to bring her down to stay with my family. i begged her to stay, i moved my daughter out of her room to share with her brothers.
my nan is still alive she doesnt contact her either and this kills my nan who is 86. my oldest son always favoured my mum as his favourite nana and i had to explain to him that nana was ill becuase her husband died years ago she was still upset about it.
i got social services mental health team onto her who visited 6 times told me she was feeding herself and they couldnt see anything wrong and were dropping her case. that woman could die and no one would know til the smell hit them
i am going up to oldham and taking my youngest son as earlier this year we went up for a wedding and he wanted desperatley to see his nan and i said no. i said no becuase i didnt want her to shut the door in his face and be devestated. but a firend told me that it would be better that i let him and i dont look the bad bastard. tell him to go for an hour and wait outside for an hour. so i am
so its a difficult one, mothers plainly a nutter no one will help her and i am her only child -but there comes a time when you just have to cut the shit.
the winters are the worst especially when it gets dark and when its too icy to go out, when she is trapped in a house that has radars beaming onto her, that has vans outside in a house where the telephone is a source of paranoi and the tv is never turned on. where there is no form of comnicationto the outside world at all.
but the nasty things she said wont go away. she said "your fking kids ruined my life" i replied " well mother you have the rest of your life now ..enjoy it" she pushed me out of her house, and i never rose to her bait once, my voice was always calm. the thing is the sense of absolute relief i felt afterwards, between me entering the house and not being spoken to and returning to ask why she didnt speak to me i sat in the car distraught crying uncontrollably - when i left her house after her shouting i felt villified and just and proud of myself for not reacting the way she wanted me to, i was not happy but most certainly happier than not knowing why she was ignoring my family
and since i have done all i can for her from a distance with social services. so if she dropped dead my conscience is clear