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Original poster

So Bizarre...

59 replies

Pixiedust1234 · 13/07/2022 13:04

I dont know what I want from this thread. A vent, abiu, clarity, support... no idea but I havent been able to get this out of my head.

Yesterday DH and I went to pick up a large item from Argos in my new (to me) car. We dont have a manual for it yet so do not understand some of the controls ie satnav, mykey stuff. I have repeatedly asked him not to fiddle with the controls until we know more. He decided to delete all settings in the trip meter (miles per gallon, etc) and I told him to stop. Major strop. He also put on the stop/start without telling me (and he still denies) but I had done a test drive that day. I had driven it from another city back to home (over 30 miles) but it decided to stop on a corner when I went to pick DD up from work that day. I couldnt understand why it kept repeatedly stalling at a junction since it had been perfect up to then. He still denies he pressed the button but it does have A on it so possibly he thought it was A(ircon). He does frequently bugger things up by not reading instructions.

Anyway, I put my window down and a minute later started leaving the drive. DH started fiddling with the aircon and I told him to leave it be. He said he was hot, so I replied open your window then. Well.... you would think I had kicked a puppy. He shouted at the top of his voice (my ears were ringing it was that loud), tore off his seatbelt where it hit the glass window with such force I thought it might crack, opened the door while the car was still moving, swiveled his body to leave the car and had one foot one inch off the ground.

Normally I would stop, and either shout back or try to explain (again) why I didnt want it. This time I carried on driving. If I had stopped then he would have got out and the preordered item not collected (I cant physically put it in the car). So we would have the same scenario today, or tomorrow or until it got collected, or it wouldnt get collected and we would have to try and get the money back (which he doesnt do). Anyway..... he shut the door, restrapped the seatbelt and sat in silence the whole way. He didnt touch the aircon, nor opened his window. He sat there getting hotter and hotter. Same on the way back.

I still cant get over him trying to get out of a moving car, while shouting at the top of his voice (I cant actually recall any of his words) just because I told him to open a window. Please help me make sense of it so I can let this go.

((btw dont hate me for no aircon in this weather, I have a lung condition where window open, no aircon actually helps me breathe, and it was cool enough anyway)).

OP posts:
Arrivederla · 13/07/2022 13:10

Does he normally behave like this? 😯Sounds a bit like my exh - I was never allowed to "tell" him anything (or even suggest/mention anything). Reason being, he was always right and I was always wrong... 🙄

TreePoser · 13/07/2022 13:14

Wow, what an arsehole.

TreePoser · 13/07/2022 13:14

Arrivederla · 13/07/2022 13:10

Does he normally behave like this? 😯Sounds a bit like my exh - I was never allowed to "tell" him anything (or even suggest/mention anything). Reason being, he was always right and I was always wrong... 🙄

My x was like this too. You could never tell him anything. Information came one way only.

Aprilx · 13/07/2022 13:17

Well he does sound awful, but then I wouldn’t appreciate being told no aircon in this heatwave either. And you really should spend some time working out how your car works before driving it around. There are lots of online resources.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/07/2022 13:17

Fuck this guy and fuck making sense of such reprehensible behaviour. There's no excuse for it.

You can do better.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 13/07/2022 13:19

You both sound a bit controlling if I'm honest. Sounds like he's sick of being told what to do.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 13/07/2022 13:20

I would think he behaves far differently around his work colleagues or people in the outside world; this treatment is reserved for you and you alone. Such men hate women and all of them.

Why did he do this - well its because he can and he's also learnt that such behaviour works for him. I would also think this is not the only incident in your relationship where he has acted so very passive aggressively either.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 13/07/2022 13:24

Many car manuals are online these days so you should be able to find a manual pertaining to your car's make and model.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 13/07/2022 13:30

He’s a man. One of the definitions of ‘man’ is a refusal to read instruction manuals ( one of the others is never asking for directions). You just have to read them yourself, so you can tell him later ( and he can pretend to have absorbed it through osmosis).

So that’s pretty much par for the course. The shouting and jumping out of the car is not so normal, though. Does he often have tantrums like this? If no, maybe it’s the heat. If yes….

picklemewalnuts · 13/07/2022 13:31

Gosh I hate it when someone fiddles with the controls while I'm driving.
1- it's really distracting
2- I want to set it up so the driver is comfortable. The driver can't shift their position as easily to get comfortable, move out of the sun, whatever. Driver needs the most focus, so gets to prioritise their comfort.

As for just messing with settings, really unhelpful. It's like he's marking his territory. Really annoying.

CourtneeLuv · 13/07/2022 13:44

Pixiedust1234 · 13/07/2022 13:04

I dont know what I want from this thread. A vent, abiu, clarity, support... no idea but I havent been able to get this out of my head.

Yesterday DH and I went to pick up a large item from Argos in my new (to me) car. We dont have a manual for it yet so do not understand some of the controls ie satnav, mykey stuff. I have repeatedly asked him not to fiddle with the controls until we know more. He decided to delete all settings in the trip meter (miles per gallon, etc) and I told him to stop. Major strop. He also put on the stop/start without telling me (and he still denies) but I had done a test drive that day. I had driven it from another city back to home (over 30 miles) but it decided to stop on a corner when I went to pick DD up from work that day. I couldnt understand why it kept repeatedly stalling at a junction since it had been perfect up to then. He still denies he pressed the button but it does have A on it so possibly he thought it was A(ircon). He does frequently bugger things up by not reading instructions.

Anyway, I put my window down and a minute later started leaving the drive. DH started fiddling with the aircon and I told him to leave it be. He said he was hot, so I replied open your window then. Well.... you would think I had kicked a puppy. He shouted at the top of his voice (my ears were ringing it was that loud), tore off his seatbelt where it hit the glass window with such force I thought it might crack, opened the door while the car was still moving, swiveled his body to leave the car and had one foot one inch off the ground.

Normally I would stop, and either shout back or try to explain (again) why I didnt want it. This time I carried on driving. If I had stopped then he would have got out and the preordered item not collected (I cant physically put it in the car). So we would have the same scenario today, or tomorrow or until it got collected, or it wouldnt get collected and we would have to try and get the money back (which he doesnt do). Anyway..... he shut the door, restrapped the seatbelt and sat in silence the whole way. He didnt touch the aircon, nor opened his window. He sat there getting hotter and hotter. Same on the way back.

I still cant get over him trying to get out of a moving car, while shouting at the top of his voice (I cant actually recall any of his words) just because I told him to open a window. Please help me make sense of it so I can let this go.

((btw dont hate me for no aircon in this weather, I have a lung condition where window open, no aircon actually helps me breathe, and it was cool enough anyway)).

You sound like a micro-manager. Your poor dh.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 13/07/2022 14:04

Sounds like paying for delivery would solve a lot of the problem in future.

Whichisit · 13/07/2022 14:17

It's your car- you get to decide what you do with the controls!

We too have a thing where the driver gets to set the temperature. Makes sense to us as the driver is the one who has to concentrate on the task.

Whitesapphire · 13/07/2022 14:20

What a freak

oobeedoobee · 13/07/2022 14:23

Is this your car ? Or the 'family' car ?

If it's the 'family' car, then I understand he wants to learn the settings etc, and is just using the fact that you're driving as a suitable 'free' time for him to fiddle about and try to learn what's what (though I totally get that you find it distracting and irritating) but having to repeatedly ask him to stop (and him ignoring your requests) and to then have him shout and try to get out of a moving vehicle ? That's NOT normal 'behaviour' from anyone !

If it's 'your' car, then I'd be telling him to mind his own fucking business and to not change anything at all ! It's got bugger all to do with him what the settings are, and how they work, if it's not his car ! If he wants the air con on, then he needs to ask you first, politely, like a normal person.

If I drive my H's car, I'd never dream of doing anything other than turning the radio off, because it annoys me. I'd never change any settings etc, because it's not my bloody car ! My H also wouldn't touch the settings on my car either. (But obvious exceptions would be seat position/mirror position etc for safety reasons, or using the de-mister/heated windows to be able to see etc)

Tessasanderson · 13/07/2022 14:24

Stop/Start systems are ALWAYS reactivated when you start a car up. Its part of their emmission ratings and as such MUST be activated at all times as standard. The button for stop start is a OFF button, if that makes sense.

If the car is new to you then it is entirely possible it has sat for a little bit before you have it. This can reduce battery charge levels. ONLY when certain perameters are met will Stop/start activate. IE, enough charge to maintain AC, wipers, etc. It is entirely possible you got the car and Stop start, is activated but not having enough charge to fullfill the AC etc. After a few trips it then activates.....low and behold you have taken it out on DH.

The fact you shot him down on a hot day for using the AC seems pretty uncalled for too.

Him touching loads of buttons and the subsequent argument all sounds a bit childish tbh.

StopFeckingFaffing · 13/07/2022 14:25

You both sound like you overacted tbh

TooHotToTangoToo · 13/07/2022 14:49

Sounds like he had a full on tantrum.

But I'd have also just let him fiddled with stuff, it's a new car and all part of the fun

Original poster
Pixiedust1234 · 13/07/2022 14:54

Tessasanderson · 13/07/2022 14:24

Stop/Start systems are ALWAYS reactivated when you start a car up. Its part of their emmission ratings and as such MUST be activated at all times as standard. The button for stop start is a OFF button, if that makes sense.

If the car is new to you then it is entirely possible it has sat for a little bit before you have it. This can reduce battery charge levels. ONLY when certain perameters are met will Stop/start activate. IE, enough charge to maintain AC, wipers, etc. It is entirely possible you got the car and Stop start, is activated but not having enough charge to fullfill the AC etc. After a few trips it then activates.....low and behold you have taken it out on DH.

The fact you shot him down on a hot day for using the AC seems pretty uncalled for too.

Him touching loads of buttons and the subsequent argument all sounds a bit childish tbh.

So the ONLY time it has been activated is when he was alone in the car? I have driven it numerous times since and it hasnt done it, therefore its not the default setting.

Since some of you have stated it was mean of me to say no to the aircon, I did say it helps with my lung condition to have it OFF and the window open. Is his temperature more important than my medical condition?? It was also cool in the car as we went in the late evening and my car had been in the shade. He has also stated that a window open and an aircon on should never happen, so why did he go against his own statement? (and one that I agree with btw).

And yes, it is MY car. He told the sellers it was MY car. He personally registered it in MY name (I am registered keeper and owner now). I am insured as the MAIN driver. He has told everyone, work, neighbours, friends, family that it is MY car. He has his own car which I cannot drive. I am not allowed to change or touch anything without asking, including changing a radio station. However that is not my point. Its the extreme reaction of trying to get out of the car because I suggested he open the window. My old car didnt have aircon, he opened the window in that car.

OP posts:
Tessasanderson · 13/07/2022 14:59

OK you sound like you dont want to see if there is any reasonable explanation to this. I have given you a reasonable explanation to BOTH of your views on why it kicked in.

If this is your attitude to a stranger, your DH may be at the end of his tether.

Tessasanderson · 13/07/2022 15:00

And trust me.......25+ yrs in the motor industry, i know why stop/start is and isnt activated.

drlel · 13/07/2022 15:03

He has his own car which I cannot drive. I am not allowed to change or touch anything without asking, including changing a radio station.

You both sound a bit highly strung tbh. I don't live with my partner and we each have our own separate cars. When I'm in his I wouldn't give a 2nd thought to adjusting the temperature or flicking through radio stations between songs/during ads and he would do the same in my car. I wouldn't bat an eyelid

Are you both this highly strung in life in general or is this different because the car is new.

Think if I got to the stage where such a small thing got me so annoyed/frustrated it'd be over. How do you deal with life's big issues together?

Watchkeys · 13/07/2022 15:19

@Allthegoodnamesarechosen

One of the definitions of ‘man’ is a refusal to read instruction manuals ( one of the others is never asking for directions

What's the use of comments like this? It's not true, for a start. Lots of men read instructions and ask for directions. And what use is it? Is OP supposed to just put up with it, because he's a man?

He's an individual, OP, and needs to sort out his reactions. His possession of a penis is neither here nor there, on this issue.

notlongtoo · 13/07/2022 16:24

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Pixiedust1234 · 13/07/2022 16:26

@Tessasanderson I have read your posts regarding stop/start but I cannot see how to translate your theory to my car. The battery is fine. All twenty trips of various lengths including 30 miles have not resulted in a single stop/start being activated. The only time it happened is when DH was in car alone for 3 minutes before I drove it and it activated at the very first junction. It has not happened since. I have a button to switch it off and it has remained in the off position. I can only assume he messed with it, which is a reasonable assumption imo. But this is only a minor point that I was adding to the main part of the post of him just pressing buttons willynilly with no idea of what they do.

To other posters, I am bowing out as apparently it is my fault he tried to exit a moving vehicle because I told him to open a window 😂

OP posts: