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Original poster

“You think you’re more important than you are”

67 replies

Mdus · 13/07/2022 09:54

Me and my boyfriend have been trying to work on our relationship. We have a child together but we live 200 miles apart due to work. We were hoping the end of this year to close the gap.

Anyway he usually FaceTimes our child maybe every day but our child is a toddler, never sits still so they never really get time to talk. The next time they will be able to see each other is when I take our child to him to stay. I don’t stay.

Today he FaceTimed me whilst I was out without our child , the first thing he said was where is child. I said I’m just at the shops he rolled his eyes, I said oh I will call back when I’m with him. This turned into an argument where he said I’m self absorbed he called to speak to our child not me. He then said I’m not more important than our child ( I obviously do not think this) and then he said you think you’re more important than you are

i’m so hurt, who says that to someone. He’s important to me so why wouldn’t I be to him?

OP posts:
11Hawkins · 13/07/2022 09:55

Are you sure you're in a relationship with him? Sounds like he only cares about your child together.

YellowHpok · 13/07/2022 09:56

Because he is a prick that's why. It doesn't sound like a much of a relationship tbh.

Are you planning on moving away from your family and friends to be with him? Don't. It will end badly and then you'll be stuck there if you split and he wants child to stay

pippinsleftleg · 13/07/2022 09:57

It really doesn’t sound like you’re in a relationship with him.

if you are then you need to finish it and get on with life without him because he clearly doesn’t want to spend any time or effort with you.

PetersRabbitt · 13/07/2022 09:59

His just using you to keep in contact with the child and think a pretend relationship is the easiest way

PetersRabbitt · 13/07/2022 10:00

Thinks*

Original poster
Mdus · 13/07/2022 10:00

No he was planning on moving here. And we have been trying to have a relationship. I thought we were doing well. I’ve always prioritised their relationship. He’s done things in the past where I told him I felt I was unimportant to him. For him to say this has kind of stopped me in my tracks and really really hurt me

OP posts:
Sunshineandflipflops · 13/07/2022 10:01

You live 200 miles apart, you take your child but don't stay yourself and he speaks to you like that? This isn't a relationship.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/07/2022 10:01

He has contempt for you. This relationship is already over.

Original poster
Mdus · 13/07/2022 10:02

He does come to stay here most the time . I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid and believed him when he said we’re working on us. No it was just easier to have me when he comes up.

OP posts:
cushioncovers · 13/07/2022 10:08

That's not a relationship op. You're just the mother of his child.

fedup078 · 13/07/2022 10:18

I have a friend who has a situation exactly like your current one
Except they are divorced
This is like you are separated
It's not a relationship

SheWoreYellow · 13/07/2022 10:21

Why don’t you stay with him when your child does? I read the whole thing like you’re not a couple I’m afraid.

Original poster
Mdus · 13/07/2022 10:22

We did split up and he had a lot going on his life so us as a couple took the back burner.

I’ve felt pushed a side for a while. Whenever he talks he says he can’t wait to see our child, never me, he said he needs to come and see our child never me. But I felt like I couldn’t question him because I would look selfish. But I’m a person too, I want to feel wanted too

OP posts:
Misstes · 13/07/2022 10:24

If you was in a relationship with this man he would of been just as happy to talk to you even though your child wasn’t there. He has no interest in you, just your child. You deserve better.

PinkButtercups · 13/07/2022 10:26

Oh so he spends time away from your child but don't you dare go to the shop without him OP!

It doesn't sound like a relationship the fact he has him alone and you don't stay. Honestly you're pretty much a solo parent so cut your losses now.

ChaToilLeam · 13/07/2022 10:26

You don’t have a relationship, not any more. Best to accept it and live your life accordingly. Anything else is just setting you up for more hurt.

Original poster
Mdus · 13/07/2022 10:27

But he does talk to me that’s the thing. We usually text throughout the day, we sometimes call just each other. When he FaceTimes we usually end up catching up throughout the day. It’s not like we do not speak and only have sex when he’s here

OP posts:
Original poster
Mdus · 13/07/2022 10:37

I know it seems like I’m making excuses or looking for the good but I’m not. I know what is I’m just so sad it took me so long.

Its taken my confidence, it makes me think what is wrong with me, all I’ve ever done is try.

OP posts:
ImustLearn2Cook · 13/07/2022 10:40

@Mdus If he is still sexually intimate with you and acts like you and he are a couple then the way he spoke to you on the phone would not only hurt but be confusing.

He is not treating you right. You deserve better than that. He’s acting like a couple when it suits him and treating you like an ex partner who he dislikes when it suits him. He is not a good person. He is not someone you can trust or rely on.

IncompleteSenten · 13/07/2022 10:44

You're not important to him.

I'm not sure how much clearer he could have been.

I don't think he wants to be with you and I think you shouldn't want to be with someone who you aren't important to.

djdkdkddkek · 13/07/2022 10:45

your “boyfriend” said this to you?

SkeletonFight · 13/07/2022 10:50

Was your pregnancy planned or an accident? How long had you been with him before you had your child? I'm sorry but it sounds like he is not interested in a relationship with you other than as mother of his child and a bit of sex when he sees you to keep you sweet. If he was he wouldn't be 200 miles away. Please see this for what it is.

D0lphine · 13/07/2022 10:52

Sorry but he sounds like a shit partner. End it and focus on your child.

Johnnysgirl · 13/07/2022 10:54

Mdus · 13/07/2022 10:00

No he was planning on moving here. And we have been trying to have a relationship. I thought we were doing well. I’ve always prioritised their relationship. He’s done things in the past where I told him I felt I was unimportant to him. For him to say this has kind of stopped me in my tracks and really really hurt me

Your child is a toddler and he still hasn't moved. He's not going to. But then you haven't moved closer to him either 🤦‍♀️
You say you drop your child off at his place to stay, but you don't stay yourself.
Why are you still kidding yourself you're in a relationship?

Johnnysgirl · 13/07/2022 10:57

We did split up and he had a lot going on his life so us as a couple took the back burner.
Confused
So you're perfectly aware you're not a couple? This is very confusing, tbh.