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Original poster

“You think you’re more important than you are”

67 replies

Mdus · 13/07/2022 09:54

Me and my boyfriend have been trying to work on our relationship. We have a child together but we live 200 miles apart due to work. We were hoping the end of this year to close the gap.

Anyway he usually FaceTimes our child maybe every day but our child is a toddler, never sits still so they never really get time to talk. The next time they will be able to see each other is when I take our child to him to stay. I don’t stay.

Today he FaceTimed me whilst I was out without our child , the first thing he said was where is child. I said I’m just at the shops he rolled his eyes, I said oh I will call back when I’m with him. This turned into an argument where he said I’m self absorbed he called to speak to our child not me. He then said I’m not more important than our child ( I obviously do not think this) and then he said you think you’re more important than you are

i’m so hurt, who says that to someone. He’s important to me so why wouldn’t I be to him?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mdus · 13/07/2022 10:58

He did live here but went through some financial problems after we split. Moved back home.

He ranted about how I haven’t invited him to live with me, but when we spoke about it he said he would be in a worse position?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mdus · 13/07/2022 11:03

No I thought we were together. We we’re together. It’s just that moving us forward was not a priority due to what was going on in his life. Or at least he told me so.

I know I’ve been stupid but I always just thought we would end up happy together.

OP posts:
SkeletonFight · 13/07/2022 11:05

You have just made a bad mistake as we all do at times. It's just time for you to move on from this one now. Does he pay you maintenance for your child?

Original poster
Mdus · 13/07/2022 11:08

He doesn’t pay maintenance, he asked if he could have a break because he was struggling

OP posts:
Mally100 · 13/07/2022 11:09

cushioncovers · 13/07/2022 10:08

That's not a relationship op. You're just the mother of his child.

Sorry op but this. A relationship isn't this much hard work.

dudsville · 13/07/2022 11:09

This is a very confusing relationship. I can't get a sense of it. But that alone makes me think it would not be worth my time and emotional investment. Imagine what it would be like to be in a loving relationship with someone who respected you and lived near you so that you could really see one another properly.

Fladdermus · 13/07/2022 11:17

Sorry OP but he's using you.

Dery · 13/07/2022 11:44

If you’re in a relationship in any meaningful sense, he would want to speak to you and you would stay when you take your DC to him at weekends. Even if you are in a relationship of sorts, it sounds like he regards you as unimportant. This doesn’t sound worth fighting for, OP.

AryaStarkWolf · 13/07/2022 11:44

Stop being so accommodating to him, get a proper maintenance agreement and don't take calls from him if he's going to speak to you like that. He clearly doesn't think you too are in a relationship and he sounds like he doesn't want that either.

butterflied · 13/07/2022 11:49

Sunshineandflipflops · 13/07/2022 10:01

You live 200 miles apart, you take your child but don't stay yourself and he speaks to you like that? This isn't a relationship.

At best you are co-parenting, OP.

He sounds like a wanker, tbh.

fedup078 · 13/07/2022 11:50

He doesn't pay maintenance!?
I'd be getting that sorted right now

differentnameforthis · 13/07/2022 11:56

I think he will find excuse after excuse to not move up when the tie comes... the way he spoke to you isn't love, it's dismissive.

Sounds like he is doing the bare minimum to "keep" you hanging until he has the guts... or excuse (or another women) to not have you holding on.

Why don't you stay when you take your child down?

differentnameforthis · 13/07/2022 11:58

butterflied · 13/07/2022 11:49

At best you are co-parenting, OP.

He sounds like a wanker, tbh.

Show quote history

I wouldn't even call this co-parenting... he isn't paying anything to help!

Original poster
Mdus · 13/07/2022 11:59

He lives with his family, he basically has a room, and it’s uncomfortable for me and him I suppose. I’ve never asked but I suppose if we had any meaningful relationship we would be a team doing it together.

I know about the maintenance, I just thought I was helping him and giving him a break. I haven’t had any maintenance since November. He was really struggling and sometimes he has nothing at all…..
I

OP posts:
Ncwinc · 13/07/2022 12:03

You deserve a partner who actively wants to be in a relationship with you. Your child deserves a father who contributes financially to their upkeep.

You’re settling for scraps.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/07/2022 12:04

He was really struggling and sometimes he has nothing at all…..

According to him. He lives with family and still can't manage? I don't buy it.

I know about the maintenance, I just thought I was helping him and giving him a break.

You're not running a fucking charity, op. He doesn't get a "break" from supporting his child. Stop being a doormat and get rid of this loser.

ToastedWaffle · 13/07/2022 12:06

Oh OP, please wake up! Sorry to be harsh but where is your self respect?? Why do accept the crumbs this twat throws you? Ditch the bitch and move on, your mental health will improve greatly. Must be confusing for your child to spend time at his dads without you there. Must be confusing all round. Kick his ass to the kerb.

CPL593H · 13/07/2022 12:07

Mdus · 13/07/2022 11:59

He lives with his family, he basically has a room, and it’s uncomfortable for me and him I suppose. I’ve never asked but I suppose if we had any meaningful relationship we would be a team doing it together.

I know about the maintenance, I just thought I was helping him and giving him a break. I haven’t had any maintenance since November. He was really struggling and sometimes he has nothing at all…..
I

Well, struggling or not he should be paying, but why the financial problems if he's living in a room at his parents? Is he working?

CPL593H · 13/07/2022 12:08

Honestly OP, you need to start prioritising yourself and your child pronto, because he isn't and he won't.

BlueKaftan · 13/07/2022 12:11

Your child deserves better than this current set up.

Original poster
Mdus · 13/07/2022 12:15

He is working. Which is the reason we can’t see each other or so he says. He said he’s told me this is the situation and I can go if I’m not happy.

I do feel sorry for my child but I can’t force him to be here. He says he couldn’t afford to live near me alone I offered for him to stay here as I could use the help. I work full time and I get no family help. I’ve just stuck my head in the sand. I just hoped if I kept things good it would get better and he would want to be here. I know that makes me sound sad

OP posts:
TooTiredToSleepRightNow · 13/07/2022 12:16

sorry he’s taking you for a mug OP. Get that maintenance sorted as a priority. Don’t do him any favours and after the way he treats you and his lack of respect I’m surprised you’re being so accommodating. There is no relationship here and as others have said don’t move near him. Start getting him to cough up seeing as he cares for his child so much.

fedup078 · 13/07/2022 12:19

So he lives at home and has a job yet has no money for his child ?
Yeah fck that op
Time to get your big girl pants on, set some boundaries and go through child maintenance
Bugger this for a laugh

Original poster
Mdus · 13/07/2022 12:22

I just sent a message to say we need to set up a payment date and discuss an amount for contribution to our child. If I have to go down the route of CSA I will.

OP posts:
Misstes · 13/07/2022 12:25

he is using you, saying what you want to hear to keep you on side so he doesn’t have to pay maintenance and you keep taking your child to him. What you have between you is not a loving relationship!

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