“You think you’re more important than you are”

[Mdus]

Me and my boyfriend have been trying to work on our relationship. We have a child together but we live 200 miles apart due to work. We were hoping the end of this year to close the gap.

Anyway he usually FaceTimes our child maybe every day but our child is a toddler, never sits still so they never really get time to talk. The next time they will be able to see each other is when I take our child to him to stay. I don’t stay.

Today he FaceTimed me whilst I was out without our child , the first thing he said was where is child. I said I’m just at the shops he rolled his eyes, I said oh I will call back when I’m with him. This turned into an argument where he said I’m self absorbed he called to speak to our child not me. He then said I’m not more important than our child ( I obviously do not think this) and then he said you think you’re more important than you are

i’m so hurt, who says that to someone. He’s important to me so why wouldn’t I be to him?

If he came to live with you - you'd be paying for everything. He'd still have 'no money'.

Wake up!

If he's working that much how come he can't give financial support to his child? What a dead beat

Good for you! Don't fall for his lies about being a couple and working towards a future. He's staying civil and friendly with you (talking, messaging etc) so he doesn't have to pay child maintenance. If you separated officially he knows you'd make things harder and his money train (you) will stop. Treat him like a co-parent, make sure he supports and pays for his child and ignore any promises he makes that things will change etc.

Working and living at home but can't send money for his own child. Deadbeat.
I wonder if he is really working or spending what he has on booze,drugs, gambling?

Did he pay anything when he lived with you?

Have you ever actually lived together, op?

Well done for taking the first step. I feel for you as this must be hard, but reading your messages it is obvious this man doesn't want a relationship with you. He has many excuses why he can't live with you / nearer you or see you more often. When you love someone you want to see lots of them, to be near them, and particularly if you're parents, you want to share the parenting load.

He isn't even contributing financially. And that made me jump to the conclusion, like others, that he is keeping you sweet (with promises of things that will happen in the future) so he can avoid paying maintenance.

He knows that if you split you can and will go for maintenance and he'll have less money. This way, you feel sorry for him and tell him he doesn't have to contribute (to his OWN CHILD), he doesn't have to have a proper relationship or do any parenting, cleaning, cooking, housework, gardening, DIY, life admin, and can live a single life living with his parents.

He's treating you and your DC appallingly. You would be so much better off without him.

Good. Time to have boundaries.

This x

Plus you are not sad, he's been telling you what you want to hear to keep you sweet. He's good at that.

Also you are vulnerable as a mum and he's played on that.

But you are strong 💪🏼 and good at
A) holding down a job
B) keeping a home
C) being a great mum to your child with no financial and practical support.
You are amazing. Thats the truth.

Pity he's not good at

A) supporting his child
B) supporting the mother of his child
C) being a father
D) being an adult
E) having a home
E) having a job

Ditch the loser, get the child maintenance. You are FAR TOO GOOD FOR HIM XXX

Op, he's a horrible bastard. And he doesn't even pay maintenance? He's a shit parent and a loser. He hurt you deliberately. What a shit!!!

Dump him, apply for CMS, and get in with your life. You deserve WAY more than this.

He thinks he is more important than he is, doesn't he?

His problems aren't more important than paying for his child.

If he has a job and is living with his family, how come he has no money at all?

Sorry OP, but he is taking the piss. He is making a pretence of caring about his child, but treats you, the child's mother with contempt. Don't let him move in with you whatever you do, or you will end up paying for, everything and be saddled with someone who has no respect for you. Get some maintenance payments started, and then dump the unpleasant git.

Keep strong. You are being used and kept sweet for his financial convenience, as others have said. But his true nature keeps breaking through because he can’t control who he really is. You will move on from this and find happiness.

WorkHardPlayHard1
But you are strong 💪🏼 and good at
A) holding down a job
B) keeping a home
C) being a great mum to your child with no financial and practical support.

You are amazing. Thats the truth.

@WorkHardPlayHard1 That is a true and powerful statement.

@Mdus Read that above statement every time you start to lose faith in yourself. And build yourself up. You are strong, important and you don’t need him. Don’t let him drag you down. If anyone tells you that you are not important, don’t believe them, because it is not true.

Screw him! He’s been stringing you along because it was convenient and cheaper for him, coward. This is who he is and always has been.

Never prioritise someone who treats you like an option.

What an absolute loser.

What exactly does he bring to the table? He’s living at home but has no money (how?) and treats you with disrespect.

It’s time for him to behave like an adult and face up to his responsibilities like you’ve had to OP. Sounds like he’s been stringing you along because he’s enjoying a pretty sweet deal.

He's taking the piss! Stand up for yourself OP and get what you and your child are entitled to from this manbaby.

Well done Op. first step to regaining your own power and control over this matter.

Does he smoke weed?