Hi,
There was a fall out between DP and in-laws about Mother’s Day this year. DP had said he wouldn’t be able to make it over to see his step-mum on the day but would be over two days later. He sent a message on the day itself.
The following day he had a horrid message from
his Dad. Saying how pissed off and upset step-mum was and not to visit as planned or contact them at all for at least a week. Lots of guilt tripping that they look out for him and this is what they get in return - no idea what this is referring to as he is totally independent and doesn’t have help from them.
Two days later a message from step-mum about how hurt and disappointed she was that he ‘couldn’t even be bothered’ to come and see her and more guilt tripping. Also that she considers him her own son - DPs own Mum is alive and well, he doesn’t regard step-mum as a mother figure. In-laws didn’t check if DP was even ok before assuming he hadn’t come because he couldn’t be bothered.
DP spoke to his sibling who passed on the message that the parents were expecting an apology. Sibling also said they had a similar experience of being told they had ruined Mother’s Day when they visited their bio Mum one year instead of step-mum. Step-mum does have bio children who she also didn’t see that day, but I doubt they got the angry tirade.
On Mother’s Day itself DP was exhausted having just worked 10 days straight. I was newly pregnant with an IVF baby - we’d had scares of bleeding too, so as if IVF wasn’t stressful enough, I would have hoped they would check the worst hadn’t happened before jumping to conclusions. We also had a poorly dog in hospital who was then PTS. My own DM actually came and cooked us dinner that day as we were both so drained!
Since then, I’m struggling to forget what happened and have total disinterest with the in-laws. They seem to have forgotten all about it and are just excited about my pregnancy. I feel protective about DP and find it hard to understand the dynamic he has with his parents - mine would never speak to me as his did, and if in a moment of madness they did, I would have no hesitation telling them to pack it in. DP seems to struggle to be assertive with them, although he hasn’t apologised.
How can I put this behind me? It could be pregnancy hormones but I don’t want anything to do with them at the moment. I’m worried that could come to a head when baby is born and they will understandably want to see us more.