Dumped because I have children... update

[waveybaby]

I need a good slap from you all who have read my previous thread 😭

Against advice I didn't block my ex... he continued to contact me, call me, and sent a message stating he was going to turn up at my house.

I ended up speaking to him and he said all the right things, love of his life, can't live without me, lost without me etc

That what we have is special and he wants to fight for it. That "love is enough".

Asked me to come and stay with him. I went for 5 days. Everything felt normal, lovely, telling me constantly how much he loves me, having sex with me, inviting his friends round and saying how happy they will be that I'm "back". Referring to me as his girlfriend, talking about future things and addressing his insecurities and MH.

On day 5 I asked him "what are we doing?".

He tells me that he doesn't know, and that he just wants to be there for me as a friend... that he loves me but the "situation" has not changed and that's why we can't be together. Said the time we were having was amazing and everything felt so normal like nothing had happened, but he just can't.

Referred to all the things he'd said and done, including calling me his girlfriend and future talk as a "slip of the tongue" and that he was acting like we were together when we weren't... he said all he could say was that he was sorry that he "fucked up again".

Obviously I'm disgusted at myself and disgusted at him. How is "helping" someone telling them you love them, carrying on as normal and sleeping with them for 5 days?

I should have listened to all your advice. He is now blocked everywhere.

I feel so stupid, and used.

I'm so sorry, OP. What a shit.

The small consolation I can offer is that if you'd taken the MN advice, you'd never have found out the hard way what he's really like and there would always have been that "what if...?"

Don't beat yourself up, OP. There's a much-quoted statistic about abusive relationships ... is it an average of 7 tries it takes to leave them? You're not alone!

When a relationship has fucked-up dynamics, and you were willing to go along with that at first, it takes time and practice to develop the skills and confidence to leave it for good. Consider this episode some of that "practicing."

Can you access any counseling to talk through why you found it hard to leave? Something to help you build better boundaries and confidence?

You gave it another go, it didn’t work, but you would have always wandered if giving it another try would make him feel different. If it makes you feel better, think that you used him and had a good 5 days enjoying each other and definitely don’t feel stupid and be hard on yourself.

I feel completely worthless.

Why did I allow myself to be sucked back in?

I don't think I've ever felt so low as I do now.

I agree. Now you absolutely know, and there will be no future doubts.

It is hard, that is true. If you can possibly reframe it for yourself and really start appreciating the fact that you will have more time. money and energy for other things! And I'm not talking about diving into another relationship either.

He sounds mentally ill tbh. Or just very unpleasant. Either way please sack him off and mean it this time. No good can come of it.

What a dishonourable shite he is!

Glad you know for sure now op.

He’s the one that should be feeling low and worthless not you op. Hold your head up high.

Thank you all.

I'm just struggling to understand why he does this... why he continues to come back when I am not engaging with him. Say and do all these things only to dump me again.

It hurts.

You tried. You cared about him and he fed you bullshit and then tried to turn it back in you like you misunderstood, like the prize asshole he is. Please don’t let him make you feel worthless. He sounds like he talks such a convincing game and he’s messed you around.

That’s on him and is who he is, you didn’t deserve this.

Don’t beat yourself up over it, sometimes the only way we actually learn …. is the hard way. At least now you definitely know without doubt.

It's a game to him. How many days he can string you along for. Could be boredom and horniness too. Easier to get you back for shagging than chatting someone else up.

And the reason he does that is because you let him, simple as that.

he does it because he wants sex-youre easy to manipulate maybe with all his future faking because hes got away with it before

just block him now op

Why? Because he can have sex without having to make any compromises.

Look at it this way - you now have absolute proof that he is a superficial dishonest arse who only cares about himself, and you won't be tempted to make the same mistake again.

Block him and go and find someone lovely and considerate.

Please don’t be hard on yourself, it’s normal to want to have a healthy relationship. It’s him who is disturbed and the chances are that he has 0 self awareness and his fragile ego doesn’t want to acknowledge how much harm he’s doing.
Sound so much like my useless ex. Believe me, it’s a lucky escape!
Close the door firmly this time. It’s his shame and loss, not yours.
You’ll be fine and with time you’ll have a chance meeting someone worthwhile x

What I've found quite hurtful is he has made out like I have misunderstood his intentions.

How can I misunderstand someone telling me I'm the love of their life and sleeping with me to equal friendship?

I’ve been in your situation. My ex H would come running back to me when he had an argument with his new woman. I took him back twice only for him to fuck off again! And the last time he left I told him he would never set foot in my house again and I stuck to it. But he did all the living things too when he came back - until the other woman started messaging him again!!

we are now divorced and I wonder what I ever saw in him !

Stay strong- it will get much better for you and not necessarily for him.

He sounds dangerously psychopathic with absolutely no concern for the impact of his behaviour on others.

What an unmitigated wanker.

He sounds like a narcissist look it up Dr ramani on YouTube

he said it as narc can’t abide not being in control -

As a pp said - at least you can now move on with the certainty that you've seen his true colours. He's an arsehole and a complete waste of space.

Yup, just a standard garden variety narcissist.

You're well shot of him.

Stand tall OP, he is a pathetic little gobshite. He will have a horrible lonely life because he is incapable of love.

He's not mentally unwell. Hes a prick. He 100% knows how you feel about him and he will use that to his advantage Every. Single. Time.
I really hope for your sake and your childrens that the rose tinted glasses are well and truly off and you can see him for the using, scumbag piece of shit he really is.
If he wanted to be with you he would be.

You're not stupid but you were used.

Make that the last time he gets to make use of your body.

And don't beat yourself up about it.