Does DH have the problem or is it me?

[Confusedmaa]

My DH is always wrongly accusing me of fancying blokes. I was out at the weekend with lots of work colleagues and DH joined me towards the end of the night. After we had got home he started saying that he could see that I couldn’t keep my eyes off one bloke in particular (he couldn’t be further from the truth). The guy he is referring to is a ladies man and all the girls fancy him but he really isn’t my type. I’m mid 40s and 20something muscle men aren’t my thing. We had had a few drinks and went to bed. We cuddled etc then he said that I smelt of ‘spunk’ and how I was disgusting. I’m heartbroken. I got so frustrated and cried a lot. He says ‘oh I’ve obviously hit a nerve’. I really love DH and really am not really interested in any other men. I’m happy with my life. We’ve had a similar incident today. Been to a family get together / memorial for my dad. My sister apologised to me about a bloke who she sent to help me on a charity fundraiser. I kind of laughed as he was a bit rubbish at the job. When we’ve come home tonight DH asked who was that bloke I was talking about that I fancied and even said that when he was mentioned I winked at my sister. I’m so upset. I feel really frustrated and want to scream. Don’t really know what to do.

So it’s the drink

well tell to stop drinking

bet he won’t

it’s still abuse, been there and done that and it was the drink that caused it and guess what he wouldn’t give up the drink and he was cheating also.

Stop making excuses for him.

TMI warning
Your friends see one side of him.
You see 2.
Get rid..
My exh was similar.. After any rare night out he would try and put a finger inside me to see if he could tell if I had been out shagging.....
I went on a religious retreat with a sick relative.. A female friend picked me up from the airport as he wouldn't.. He tipped my case on the floor to inspect my underwear.. That same friend saved my life making a 999 call when he ripped the phone from the wall during a call to her..
Don't let it get that far op.

if a friend was telling you all this what would your own counsel be?.

Your excuses for him are just that, excuses. What are you getting out of this relationship with him now?. He is right in one respect though, you certainly deserve better than he.

Oooh he could be my ex!
I'd not shaved my lady bits for a few days and while we were having sex he said 'your work colleagues might like having sex with sandpaper - but I don't'

He also used to accuse me of really stupid shit like not emailing him something- while we were in his car and then he would drive like a freakin maniac while screaming at me.. while driving 2 cm behind the car in front of us on the motorway...

He said my daughter was an attention seeker if we were sat downstairs and she came down to show me something new she'd bought. And then he would stay mad all evening

He once hid my underwear the evening before I had to get up at 3.00am for a worktrip. Because he thought it was too sexy. I didn't get a wink of sleep as I could not believe what was happening.. 🙈

Honestly- leave him unless he gets IMMEDIATE HELP. Therapy did nothing for us. Obviously I'm perfect 😂

Honestly, been there and got the tshirt. This is just the start. As other pp have said it will only get worse.
"Why are you wearing makeup? Who are you trying to pull you slag" so stop wearing makeup. Then its "your not going out dressed like that, who are you meeting?"
Then you stop wearing makeup and nice clothes then its "I'm not going out with you looking like that you tramp" Head truly fucked.

You will end up not going anywhere at all because it's not worth the shit and before you know it you will have no job/family/friends and spend you day stuck in the house. And even then it will be accusations of having men round, imaginary stains on the sofa etc.

I'm not exaggerating, it starts so slowly that you dont realise it's happening. 7 years it took me to finally realise and when I started answering back the physical abuse ramped up. I done a runner when he forgot to lock me on one night. Yes, he locked me in so men couldn't visit me and I could get out to meet them! For several years.

Please dont just pass this of as nothing.

Sounds like he love bombs and smothers you due to jealousy

This is why I’m so confused. I never feel like I need to stop being me. He doesn’t comment on what I wear or the makeup I wear (I wear it everyday) other than to compliment me. I don’t feel restricted in what I do. He never asks where I’ve been or where I’m going day to day. He’s not aggressive. Over the 25 years we’ve been together the jealous comments have been maybe the last 2—3 years. Most of the time we are together we laugh, really enjoy each other’s company and have lovely times together. I really think he needs some sort of help. Don’t think I could make him go to the doctors. What would he say? “when I’ve had a drink I think my wife fancies other fellas”?

we are due to go out at the weekend. It will be mostly footballers there, so the kind of fella he feels threatened by. we’ll see what happens. He knows how I feel about what he’s said so it’s kind of a test. I’ve told him he’s out on his ear if he ever behaves like that again.

Sounds like my ex, bar the drink. 16 years of gradually increasing emotional abuse and control. 18 months since I left him and he still tries to play mind games, using our DD. Leave him for the sake of your sanity.