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Original poster

Is this rude or am I being too picky?

96 replies

LBGTheoriginal · 10/07/2022 23:28

Been chatting to a guy for a while, like how he sounds etc, he’s now asked if I’m free for a drink. He is quite jokey so it might be that.

We live in a big city, about 20 mins walk from each other - but having met yet.

I work about 30 mins away, in the main city itself.

I have suggested a few more central pubs for us to meet as otherwise would have to trek home and he has suggested places that are very near him, let’s call the place he lives Village A.

the central pubs look better and more lively and are nearer my work. Plus I’d prefer to meet more centrally for a first date than to have to go near him tbh, not sure it sends the right message?

I sent him a few suggestions and said I’d let him mull over. His response was “literally couldn’t care less about going further than Village A really”.

wtf? It seems so low effort and rude tbh. Should I say something like lol that makes you sound like kind of a dick?

OP posts:
Pamlar · 11/07/2022 10:24

He wanted a quick drink and back to his... you swerved a dull evening with a dull and lazy man

SummerWinterSummerWinter · 11/07/2022 10:24

(I mean, he still sounds like an idiot so you're def not being picky in regards to his bad sense of humour and attitude. But I can understand him not wanting to go into central London if he doesn't work there.)

pimlicoanna · 11/07/2022 10:27

He just wasn't that in to you. He's done you a favour as at least you could tell right away.

Marluuu · 11/07/2022 10:33

I don’t know, I might give him the benefit of doubt if otherwise ok. Unless not having regular outings in central London id a deal breaker for you, of course. A good friend of mine is outgoing, lovely, active etc but really doesn’t want to travel to central London unless she absolutely has to. I never quite understood it but I learned to respect it and now we’re just meeting in our neighbourhood. Some people just don’t feel comfortable taking the tube and mixing with a lot of people. I think we’re just all different, and not wanting to meet centrally doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not into you or only after sex. As long as you meet in a public place and are safe, I wouldn’t be concerned about the where, if it was me.

burnoutbabe · 11/07/2022 10:38

SummerWinterSummerWinter · 11/07/2022 10:23

Does he work in the centre though?

If he doesn't... why won't you compromise and go with somewhere near where you both live?

Not sure I'd want to go on a hot tub for 30 mins into busy central when I knew the person was only a 20 min walk from where I lived!!

yes indeed. if i worked from home (say Putney) i really wouldn't be that keen to then travel into central london when things near putney - or clapham - are much closer and less busy (And you live near there anyway)

you HAVE to travel to get home so somewhere between Putney and Clapham/Balham is all fine. But if he isn't starting in the city centre, you are expecting him to make all the travel effort but not you.

Thereisnolight · 11/07/2022 10:40

Aquamarine1029 · 10/07/2022 23:33

NEXT.

You should have added ten exclamation marks after this but otherwise I’d agree.

Original poster
LBGTheoriginal · 11/07/2022 10:43

Points taken all thank you!

my point wasn’t so much insisting we meet locally, it was more his tone and the way he said it? So so rude. Like the actual communication was the issue, I think that’s the red flag, so obnoxious “I could care less about leaving Putney”.

im not hideous and I have had guys literally willing to meet me anywhere in London before and ask what I want to do (it’s not a looks thing is it) - hell this guy has been asking to make plans in two months time for his birthday so obviously feels this has longevity, he wants to hang out but it appears just when it suits him and on his terms.

it feel a bit neggy too as objectively im intelligent, I have a good job, I scrub up well in pics. And he’s made “jokes” about all these things in our conversations.

im currently on the wind up with him. Calling him out on the fact he won’t leave his postcode (in fairness he has now backtracked and said he will, he will come to me in Clapham, he just doesn’t understand the point of going into central for the sake of it).

onwards though! I think as a fairly uncomplicated person I just don’t get why I meet so many dicks, it’s not that they’re normal but we’re incompatible, they are actively selfish and not nice people. I have had attention from a few friends of friends and guys in life so maybe should focus my attentions there...

OP posts:
theemmadilemma · 11/07/2022 10:49

When a person tells you who they are, listen.

“literally couldn’t care less about going further than Village A really”.

What more do you need to hear?

gannett · 11/07/2022 10:51

His message wasn't only rude but it shows him up to be lazy and incurious.

Lazy I get, I also live in London and it's obviously much more convenient to drag friends to your postcode than shlep across the city to them. But sometimes you just need to make the bloody effort.

And when it comes down to it, one of the great things about living in London is that there's so much to discover about so many areas in the city. First dates should be a fantastic opportunity to get out of your comfort zone and go somewhere new.

Someone who can't be bothered to leave Putney when there's a whole city with so much culture and history at his fingertips is not someone for me. When I started dating DP we'd deliberately pick bits of London neither of us had ever been to - walking east along the Thames to the barrier, going to Richmond Park - because it was exciting to see something new. Can't comprehend just wanting to stay in Putney, which is perfectly nice but hardly on anyone's list of the most exciting postcode of London.

Triffid1 · 11/07/2022 10:51

He doesn't sound compatible with you but for the record, if you both live in Clapham/Putney, meeting in central London seems totally bizarre to me. There are about 10000 pubs/restaurants/bars in the area, many of them nice and buzzy, and so schlepping by tube anywhere IS odd when it's so unnecessary.

slowquickstep · 11/07/2022 10:54

So he wants to sit on his arse whilst you do the running around ? Bugger that way of life

Original poster
LBGTheoriginal · 11/07/2022 10:58

As I say, the issue wasn’t the fact he suggested meeting locally, it was how he handled it, it’s just rude

OP posts:
burnoutbabe · 11/07/2022 11:00

Triffid1 · 11/07/2022 10:51

He doesn't sound compatible with you but for the record, if you both live in Clapham/Putney, meeting in central London seems totally bizarre to me. There are about 10000 pubs/restaurants/bars in the area, many of them nice and buzzy, and so schlepping by tube anywhere IS odd when it's so unnecessary.

yes this isn't exactly the case of village A being 1 pub and a post office., its many many cool individual bars and restaurants.

Central london is mostly chains. And less good service as more tourist customers.

In this heat, the idea of wanting to actually go on the tube for 30-45 mins in the heat over just walking to a nearby pub seems odd - and far better to actually go home from date first, qyick change/freshen up and then walk to date seems to be making MORE effort than wanting to fit it in on the way home from the office!

JiggaWattz · 11/07/2022 11:09

If he was sufficiently attracted to you, he would be concerned about potentially offending you. Especially before you have even met.
It's about how he views you, not necessarily how objectively attractive you are.
Someone who is considered exceptionally attractive in the goth community probably wouldn't do to great amongst a group of Love Island contestants and vice versa.
On an individual level, all you can go on is how you are being treated and this man does not want to put himself out for you and does not care if that fact bothers you.

Original poster
LBGTheoriginal · 11/07/2022 11:09

Yeah noted on those points, it was very much the delivery and tone of the message that were not right

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 11/07/2022 13:52

It's fine to swerve central London but “I could care less about leaving Putney”, I mean come on, that's just lazy and shows a lack of interest in doing anything new.

Cameronnorrieisabitofalright · 11/07/2022 13:58

He wants sex on a plate. Delivered to his door....
Urgh grim.

MissMaple82 · 11/07/2022 14:30

No, I'd just reply, "literally can't be arsed meeting up at all now" then block, neeext

Ywnaged · 11/07/2022 18:06

“literally couldn’t care less about going further than Village A really”.

What a lazy, entitled, low value tosser of a man. And rude to boot.

Ignore the posters giving you a bloody geography lesson of London, OP. You dodged a bullet. Don’t doubt yourself.

SunshineLollipopsAndRainbows · 11/07/2022 18:16

I used quite a few dating sites before I met DH & my goodness I could have written a book! It was actually quite depressing! Met DH on a well known site that I paid for & when I first saw him it was like that song “ Exhale”. Such a relief! Definitely move on OP & I wish you the best - it’s not easy but there are decent guys out there ❤️

Mary46 · 11/07/2022 18:18

Yes its how he said it. Not nice. Op had a friend always wanted to meet out her way. I got sick of it in the end. Always me chasing

FinallyHere · 11/07/2022 18:22

literally couldn’t care less about going further than Village A really”.

When someone tells you who they are, believe him. He literally couldn't care less about going further than his own village.

Bin. Next

Ladybug14 · 11/07/2022 18:25

There are a lot of twonks out there, OP

I appreciate that I'm old fashioned but I believe the first dates venue should be chosen by the lady as she is more vulnerable

Purplehonesty2 · 11/07/2022 19:37

God if he can't be bothered now, what will he be like in a relationship.

Would he put any effort it? I suspect not.

pbj · 11/07/2022 19:53

Most people living in London cba going “out out” outside of their postcode area and I don’t think I blame him for not wanting to go out centrally and having to shlep into town however the way he worded it was rude and doesn’t give a good impression to a potential date.

plus he sounds entitled and bitter judging by his other remarks!