Is this rude or am I being too picky?

[LBGTheoriginal]

Been chatting to a guy for a while, like how he sounds etc, he’s now asked if I’m free for a drink. He is quite jokey so it might be that.

We live in a big city, about 20 mins walk from each other - but having met yet.

I work about 30 mins away, in the main city itself.

I have suggested a few more central pubs for us to meet as otherwise would have to trek home and he has suggested places that are very near him, let’s call the place he lives Village A.

the central pubs look better and more lively and are nearer my work. Plus I’d prefer to meet more centrally for a first date than to have to go near him tbh, not sure it sends the right message?

I sent him a few suggestions and said I’d let him mull over. His response was “literally couldn’t care less about going further than Village A really”.

wtf? It seems so low effort and rude tbh. Should I say something like lol that makes you sound like kind of a dick?

I just replied lol and received an insipid emoji back. Told him it may prove tricky in that case. His response was “well you have to go through Balham to get home so why not stop there” and I just said that in theory yes but I’d really rather not bother.

i genuinely couldnt care less (to quote Don Juan here...) but it’s a bit depressing. We had a lot of banter over text albeit he sounds like he has no friends (was giving him the benefit of the doubt as I know he has only recently moved.) It’s a shame how something that seemed very exciting and promising (I still do find him very witty) has ended in this miserable pool of rubbish really!!!

Wow, lazy, bitter and tighter than two coats of paint- what a keeper!! At least you sound like you have your head screwed on op! He's pissed off because he's paid for a couple of dinners and dudnt get a shag, now he's trying to seal the deal for himself by scrapping dinner, making you come to him so he can get you drunk and take you home, er no thanks pal 🤣🤣

Feel a bit downtrodden as I’m not a serial dater but tbh the last two guys I’ve dated just didn’t turn out to be very nice people! I have good friends so I don’t think I’m a shit judge of character. But have never had good luck with men. I’m reasonably attractive, I’m friendly, is it the type of guy I’m going for? Is it me? I do feel like I’ve had more than a few dickheads now, even with this guy we were talking for quite a while and there were many good points, why is there always some horrible hidden toxic trait. Is this normal?

Sorry what I mean is that even when I meet people in life (with no red flags over message), it’s never transpired to be really great over short relationships. This guy obviously showed his true colours sooner but what are the chances?

@LBGTheoriginal
Have you made your mind up yet about meeting up?

In my opinion you should meet up in a central area for both of you, that is a busy area and near a underground station and at a reasonably early time as you haven’t met before.
As for who pays well you can pay for your own so no problem there.

Sorry if I sound overprotective but I have a child of my own.
x

Thanks @avamiah no you don’t sound overprotective, I appreciate it 💜

tbh I agree, I want a central meeting point because I feel a bit vulnerable going on a first date anywhere remotely near my house, it feels a bit exposing. I’d rather somewhere more anonymous and busy as you say. I don’t want to have to walk home after and feel unsafe.

Id obviously be happy to pay but if I’m honest it’s a nice gesture if you go to a cheap boozer if the other person pays for the first round perhaps? That’s probably a misnomer tho! He keeps cracking jokes about me buying the drinks 🙄

im not meeting btw, it’s just really hard work and his attitude makes me feel a bit sick. It’s ungenerous isn’t it and lazy. Just lacks any kind of excitement or kindness or effort. Even if you do want to meet next to your house at least try and sell it! Eg there’s this wonderful pub, it’s one of my favourites, I’d love to introduce you to it.

this is the guy who has tried to invite me to multiple invites without having met me just to have someone to go with I assume. I feel like a handy hole with a sign saying “insert dick here”. Like what is in it for me.

I hope you’ve made your mind up not to meet this one. You are definitely not too picky!

I’d recommend trying a dating app that you pay for, to try to find someone more serious. I’ve had similar experiences in the past with finding very disappointing characters and lack of integrity, after dating a while. It’s rough and it really did crush my motivation to date and make me doubt myself. I think there are just a lot of men out there with rubbish ideas about women and relationships.

“im not meeting btw, it’s just really hard work and his attitude makes me feel a bit sick. It’s ungenerous isn’t it and lazy. Just lacks any kind of excitement or kindness or effort.”

YES!! Spot on

Multiple events, not invites.

ffs another one bites the dust! I probs should cast the net wider. Maybe I’m a (28 year) wizened old cynic but I feel like there are going to be a lot of unhappily single people in a few years who yearn for a relationship but are just shit partners! Like how can anyone behave like this in good conscience and think that is attractive and enough to hook someone in? As pp have said this is him at his best.

Thanks @Axahooxa

Is this a joke? Do people really not take the train/tube (*public transport) due to the environment?
Cost of living I some what get but environment seems far fetched…

@LBGTheoriginal
I think you have made the right decision here and if he wanted to meet you that much then he could of easily asked you to pick the venue which he hasn’t.

Always go with your gut instinct if you haven’t met the person before and do what you have done here and that is get other opinions which is the right thing to have done.

I’m sure you will meet the most amazing person soon and remember Rome wasn’t built in a day it took time to get Perfection.
x

He is rude!!

Oh God. RUN. RUN NOW!

He sounds like a tosser.

All the best and positivity op

When it comes to dating, if a guy shows any kind of reluctance about where to meet, I don’t go ahead with the date. If they’re interested in you and keen, they will make the effort. He’s showing you that he is awkward and difficult and you haven’t even met yet! Personally, I wouldn’t bother. Even if you did meet him, it doesn’t sound like the date will go well because he’s showing you how inflexible he is.

Time to block & move on! It's not happening, what is he? Some sort of adonis beautiful looking sex god that needs to treated and pampered and you should grateful he's meeting you at a pub near him. Why you bothering when he can't be bothered to make an effort.

It is lazy and entitled for a guy to do that.

Lazy, because he can't be bothered to find a place that works for you both and is looking for minimum effort and entitled because they tend to do this if they think they will be able to get you to come home with them at the end of the date...

It is also likely that he is chatting with and meeting several women at the same time so want to keep everything low effort for him.

I would block this one.

Also I always found it better to have a quick coffee with someone for a first meeting rather than evening drinks. I have never wanted alcohol to be involved when I am meeting a perfect stranger.

Don't be too hard on yourself, I remember dating in London, it's BRUTAL

Never just 'oh he's all right but we're not compatible', I met so many guys who turned out to be really strange or unpleasant or entitled. Or constantly playing games. It messes with your head if you're a normal person because you just think, why would anyone be like this? But try not to take it personally, it's not you at all. I think there are so many people in London that guys like this just feel like they have endless options so don't need to try that hard.

I know it's not original advice but I did find the best way to meet nice guys was through friends, because nice people tend to hang out with other nice people.

Don't despair! You are still young and you will find someone, and someday this will just be a funny anecdote about your dating years (I met this guy who wouldn't leave Putney!)

“Okaaaay well I wish you luck then!”

aaaaand block.

This is what’s called a red flag. He’s waved it, you’ve noticed him waving it, now it’s up to you to decide whether you’re going to follow your instincts and sack him off off carry on regardless because there’s nothing better.

Imagine having a relationship with someone like this. Bullet well and truly dodged

'suckered in to paying for Tinder dates before' sounds to me like it translates to 'paid for the date, got no sex in return' .

He sounds like a bit of a selfish twat if even on the first date he wont split the travel in half between you.

I'd not go ahead with the date.

It's not picky, it's sensible. Sex doesn't come easy for men who aren't paying for it, so most men will have sex with most women they do not find actively physically unappealing but the level of effort they will exert to get there will vary based on HOW attracted they are.

If they are very into you they will move mountains to accomodate you out of fear of putting you off and losing their opportunity.

If they are not very into you they will often still meet you but wouldn't be willing to inconvenience themselves by, for example, spending 10-15 minutes on public transport.

Genuine effort is a great marker of whether your time is being wasted or not and this guy is being very low effort.

Does he work in the centre though?

If he doesn't... why won't you compromise and go with somewhere near where you both live?

Not sure I'd want to go on a hot tub for 30 mins into busy central when I knew the person was only a 20 min walk from where I lived!!