bf out cycling all the time- I'm so bored !

[ilovesummers]

my bestie jokingly said "he's lucky u let him out so much all the time" I don't even let our dogs out that much.
I was explaining to her that my bf is obsessed with his cycling hobby. More than obsessed. Mental more like.

He cycles to work 12 plus miles each way !
Cycles on some evenings and does like nearly 80 miles on weekends with his mates around trails etc then hits the lodge or pub where they drink. He spends summers in Italy France where I think the Alps are. By his own admission says the ferry back from Ireland is a chance for a "good pish up".
We are both under 30 under have no children but I am looking forward to kids but what kind of dad will he be.
I knew he was cycling obsessed on our first date when he turned up in his cycling gear.
But this is just an obsession surely we all have hobbies like I do spin and run. But with my oh it's always something a scouts thing, charity thing some fricking flaming cycling memorial ride for some cyclist who died.. at home he has the tour de France or something on or the cycling channel. Gosh !
I punctured his tire a few months ago as I was so annoyed.
Some weekends I'm alone like an old lady in an armchair watching Columbo! So bored
What to do please 🥺

you don’t sound compatible. Definitely don’t have kids with him unless he understands he will have to scale back his hobby.

What to do?
Get your own hobby
Go out with friends
Get a new boyfriend
Take control of your life
Stop waiting in for him

Any of those appeal?

Leave. He won't change and you'll be miserable and resentful if you have kids.

My first ltb

I have no advice but I just wanted to salute you for being so open about the fact that his hobby is cycling, which makes you almost unique on MN where most posters talk coyly about their “DH’s hobby” which they can’t possibly make as it would be “far too outing”.

two things do come to mind - if he turned up in his cycling gear on your first date, I’m amazed there was a second one

don’t have kids with him…

Ditch the bf.

End the relationship presumably.

It's healthy to have hobbies

But this is an obsession.

What does he say if you ask to spend time with him?

But he's choosing his bike over you so at least you know you'll always be second best.

Fuck me don't have kids with him. Imagine how low on the scale they'll register.

Ditch him. It’s not going to get any better and you will always come second place to a metal object.

What do you do? If you are bored and unhappy in your relationship, you leave.

My ex-H was a serious triathlete when I met him, but that gradually died off as he preferred to spend time with me than training all the time.

Your Boyfriend is quite clear what his priority is. If that does not suit you, and you don’t want a part time relationship, leave.

Its always "I want my man to change" . Pick a man whose lifestyle is compatible with yours.

I punctured his tire a few months ago as I was so annoyed.

I suggest you delay having children until you've grown up.

I'm sure thousands of Brits cycle it wouldn't identify anyone ? Well i found it funny actually him turning up in his lycra shorts at this Italian. He is funny, travelled a lot, intelligent, brainy etc all appealed to me.
I don't want to cause a rift yet unless theirs a solution

My dh cycles. Not as much as this and it’s still annoying. It will be a terrible battle if you have kids. I would give him a miss

You know his passion is cycling. Either join him or leave him and find someone you have more in common with.

If you choose to stay and have children, you will be in sole charge of parenting.

He loves what he does and has every right to continue. You need to think seriously if this is the life for you.

This is who he is. I assume he knows you are unhappy? And he doesn’t care enough to change.

There are many threads on here from women with hobby obsessed partners who ignore their DC and continue with their selfish hobbies. If you want DC you need to be looking for a man who will be a good father. This guy ain’t it.

Get a tandem?

Dump him. Unless he gets some serious injury this isn't going to change any time soon. And if you want children, bear in mind that all that lycra and pressure from saddles are not good for sperm production.

Ask him if he'd consider having one weekend of cycling and one weekend off for you both to go and do something together?.... if he says no, I would dump him and go enjoy your life. You cannot carryon like this for the rest of your life, your kids would never see their dad.

I'm married to a mad keen cyclist & find those distances seeming quite tame. OP didn't even mention time trials, road racing, audax, X...

fwiw, DH did hugely less mileage when DC were small.

MN husbands all seem to cycle not play footie. It's funny because I know people married to (amateur) swimmers, sailors, gymnasts, football players, gamblers ... those hobbies take a lot of time, too. I've known families where the whole weekend every winter weekend, is given over to football (running matches, washing kit, cheering, travel...) plus midweek training & volunteer coaching for youth sides. Women who spend whole weekends swimming around sea islands while husbands hold the fort. Guys who train (pool swimming) 4-6 hours a week & compete (somewhere long drive away) every other weekend. Guys who disappear fishing for hours & hours. And let's not forget traditional types who went down the pub or to bingo. My grandmother literally spent her whole weekend and some of the week, in church activities from time my dad was young.

He sounds like a fairly normal hobby/keen cyclist, so it's not outing;)
Yeah dump him, it won't change, you go find yourself a nice lad more in line with the lifestyle you'd like. Don't worry about him, he'll find a GF at the cycling club who either doesn't want kids, or who will be shopping for trailer buggies to put on the wedding present list!

So when do you actually spend time together?

Sunday's and some days of the week or on annual leave days. We do usual couple stuff holidays , friends, restaurants etc
Even during bloody lockdown when his cycling club was shut he still got up at stupid o clock and did 2 hours before logging onto his laptop. I said at least stay in bed as u don't have to get up so early anymore i.e no more office commute but hey no bike came first

There are so many posters on here who complain that their husbands are either avid golfers or cyclists ( though coy about saying it) and spend most of the weekend on their hobby and spend next to no time with them and the kids. If you don't want this life in 5-10 years maybe time to re-think your future?

That’s how he turned up to a first date!!! Seriously! You was crazy to have a second date if I’m honest, he couldn’t even be bothered to change or put effort into getting dressed to see you. Says it all!!