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Original poster

bf out cycling all the time- I'm so bored !

78 replies

ilovesummers · 09/07/2022 11:31

my bestie jokingly said "he's lucky u let him out so much all the time" I don't even let our dogs out that much.
I was explaining to her that my bf is obsessed with his cycling hobby. More than obsessed. Mental more like.

He cycles to work 12 plus miles each way !
Cycles on some evenings and does like nearly 80 miles on weekends with his mates around trails etc then hits the lodge or pub where they drink. He spends summers in Italy France where I think the Alps are. By his own admission says the ferry back from Ireland is a chance for a "good pish up".
We are both under 30 under have no children but I am looking forward to kids but what kind of dad will he be.
I knew he was cycling obsessed on our first date when he turned up in his cycling gear.
But this is just an obsession surely we all have hobbies like I do spin and run. But with my oh it's always something a scouts thing, charity thing some fricking flaming cycling memorial ride for some cyclist who died.. at home he has the tour de France or something on or the cycling channel. Gosh !
I punctured his tire a few months ago as I was so annoyed.
Some weekends I'm alone like an old lady in an armchair watching Columbo! So bored
What to do please 🥺

OP posts:
FictionalCharacter · 09/07/2022 16:35

It’s very obvious what kind of dad he would be. The kind that feature in MN threads about a DH who spends all available time, money, energy and attention on his “hobby”, and almost zero on his wife and kids.

Electriq · 09/07/2022 16:43

Tell him you want to start going with him, his reaction would be the decider for me

jeffbezoz · 09/07/2022 16:45

Feed him so he gets big and can't ride anymore. Or puncture his tires. Or can't you just join in with him?

Spohn · 09/07/2022 16:55

He’s been completely upfront that his bike comes first, not sure why you’re hanging about.

Spohn · 09/07/2022 16:57

Puncture tyres just to get a boyfriend to be forced to spend time with you? 🤣 mortifying. Besides, OP already did this 😂😂😂

hotcoldnotsold · 09/07/2022 17:04

Leave him. I love and do a lot of cycling but would never prioritise it to the extent he does. In fact I never date the keeno cyclists myself because they are already in a relationship- with their bikes. It amazes me when some of the guys in my club get gfs because I think they just need a woman for sex - not meaningful companionship.

He's already an absent bf, he'll be an even more absent husband and father. Not worth it.

Viviennemary · 09/07/2022 17:06

Unless you are happy with the situation cut your losses now.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 09/07/2022 17:48

I ended it with my cycling-obsessed university boyfriend, who went to do a tour of America, as I thought it wouldn't last. It didn't but we are now good friends. I then took up with his friend from the cycling club and was with him for 20 years until I dumped him last year - I wish he was still cycling obsessed instead of moaning at me all the time!

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 09/07/2022 17:53

Well I can tell you categorically his hobby will always come first and he will never change. They never do. You will be a single parent.
You have no fun together so dump him and find someone who isn't glued to a bicycle.

LovelyDaaling · 09/07/2022 18:18

He's a single man who lives life the way he wants and it will continue that way. If it's not the life you want to live, leave him and find someone else. It's pointless trying to change him because he won't be happy and ultimately, nor will you.

Neversaygoodbye · 09/07/2022 18:23

Met my exercise (cycling/running) mad DH at 19 and still together with 2 teens 33 years later. Life as a couple (and family) is all about communication, compromise and growing together. When kids were small we both worked exercise and social lives around them and disappearing for hours at a time was definitely curtailed until they were older. It can work if you both want it to.

brookstar · 09/07/2022 18:25

if he turned up in his cycling gear on your first date, I’m amazed there was a second one

Exactly. He couldn't even be bothered to make an effort on your first date.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/07/2022 18:29

He's married to cycling and cheating with you. Sorry.

BluebellCockleshell123 · 09/07/2022 18:51

It sounds like he should be in a relationship with a fellow cyclist. And you should not!

Cornishclio · 09/07/2022 19:50

You only have two options really. Either get yourself a hobby whether it be cycling or something else so you are not bored or ditch him as he has shown you how important his hobby is to him. There is no guarantee he will be prepared to sacrifice time to bring up a family so if that is important to you then you need to have a conversation with him as to where he sees this relationship going. Does he even want children?

Naughtyperson972 · 10/07/2022 10:43

Just ended a relationship with a bf who also was obsessed with his hobby and never gave me any time. Life is too short OP, don’t waste anymore time being unhappy, he won’t change and you deserve to be happy.

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 10/07/2022 11:28

Leave the pedalling bastard.

superram · 10/07/2022 11:50

My husband is a mamil too. He does bat shit crazy races BUT he gets up early and we still have much of the day together. He also has a watt bike so he isn’t always out (we have kids). There has to be compromise, he used to play football and cricket and would love to join a gold club-he doesn’t have time as he has responsibilities. You need to have a chat and if he won’t compromise then bin him.

madasawethen · 10/07/2022 11:54

You two just aren't compatible in a major way.
He'll be off playing single guy on his bike while you will be alone with children all the time.

There are thousands of funny, interesting, traveled men out there.

Toss bikie bob back.

PermanentTemporary · 10/07/2022 11:56

Join him? Maybe it would be fun.

billy1966 · 10/07/2022 12:46

You are not his priority.
Cycling is.

You have low standards that you would accept this.

Either dump him or accept your awful boring life.

Oh and it will just get far, far worse if you are silly enough to have children with him!

wellhelloitsme · 10/07/2022 13:02

Imagine your life now, with him gone that much, but add a baby or two to the picture.

He'll still be gone that much. You'll still be alone and resentful.

You've already got to the stage of slashing his tyres.

Frankly it would be selfish to bring a baby into this relationship as it's not happy, healthy or stable enough.

Aprilx · 10/07/2022 15:34

I am not joking when I say there would not have been a second date if he had turned up in cycling gear. That is somebody who cannot be bothered to make an effort. This is not going to get any better, time to move on.

DontBlameMe79 · 10/07/2022 16:51

You sound very controlling OP. Some self reflection would be in order. He has a pastime that keeps him fit. - deal with it.

Leftbutcameback · 10/07/2022 17:37

It's a real shame, but he's unlikely to change. My OH is a slightly less devoted cyclist and gets fed up of it every so often. Nevertheless the bike still lives next to the dining room table, and he has spent half this year injured because of cycling. He's now planning a cycling trip in this country later in the summer.

I know some of his club mates do 200 or 300km rides most weekends. They sound just like your boyfriend and some are in their 50s. The commute to me sounds like a great thing - distance is reasonable, saves money, saves carbon, and he arrives at work less stressed.

You might decide it's something you can live with after all there are worse hobbies (golf, real ale, hunting etc) but if you do you need to make your peace so it's not bugging you the whole time. And find something to do with your time.