If you're looking for a relationship, what are your 'non negotiables'?

[BeautifulSunrise]

I was chatting to some friends about this the other night as when it comes to relationships, I'd rather not have 'a list' of what I'd like. You can end up missing your 'person' if they don't conform to 'a list'!

But there are some things which are deal breakers for me such as honesty (last DP was a pathological liar), generosity (I can't stand stinginess) but also, I'd like someone who shared an interest in good food but wasn't a mad extrovert and needed to be out all the time. Give me a night in with some wine and a roast anytime!

Physically I prefer the 'rugger bugger' type but ultimately it's about chemistry and sometimes that arrives looking a whole lot different than you expected.

What are the 'non negotiables' for you?

My non negotiables were a non smoker and no young children.

Met a lovely man who has adult children. We get on fabulous but if I end up dating again I would only date men with no children.

Smoker
Drinker
Lots of tatoos
Religious

In no particular order...
Breathing
Knows what toothpaste is
Not depressed or having a mid-lifer
Doesn't tell me to mature gracefully...the inner child will rebel and run away
An amazing smile
No desire to marry me or live with me.
A vague interest in what I do, without living on my every word
Independence
Not a text-a-holic
Loves animals
Financially stable and debt-free
Good grace and manners...a diplomat
Education or a vocation
A career esp. self employed so they understand my time demands
Hobbies and interests outside work
Travel and gigs...don't want to be in a pub all the time
A night owl
No smoking, excessive booze or drugs
No tattoos or body piercings
No extreme political views

After recent events, I conclude this person does not exist in the UK, the world or the universe...and I don't mind either. Life single ain't so bad!

Good personal hygiene
Good old fashioned manners
Kindness

If I was looking for a relationship it would be someone who was affectionate and liked giving affection. Ambitious but doesn't have to be rich, funny and kind.

No dirty clothes - as in dirty for days and still worn so they smell

must have a nice smell as in aftershave

must have hairy chest

must be kind and love me and weird Tom Cruise love

When I was dating my Non negotiables were:

• has a job of some description
• solvent
• wants kids
• kind
• good in bed 🙈
• respectful of me and other women in his life
• supportive of my career
• at least as tall as me
• nice hands
• smart (not necessarily book- smart)
• had done at least one interesting thing (ie, travel, work abroad, done charity work, ran a marathon etc)

Must love dogs
Good sense of humour, makes me laugh/ smile
Foodie
Caring/ supportive

Needs to eat meat/not be a fussy eater, not teetotal but a happy drink, outdoorsy and active, have a stable job (no freelancers, can't handle the stress of when the next gig will be), financially prudent I.e saves, has pension etc and not a socialist or extreme left. Interested in the world around him, makes me laugh and has a good head of hair. And is dependable - does what he says, communicates regularly and is there for me in times of need.

Smell is also important - I find if I like their natural scent, chances are I get on with them.

And they have to drive, because I don't enjoy it so someone would have to!

No addictions, no right wing views and no religion. And must be working.

Kind, funny, clean, honest, solvent>=me, clever>=me, tall>=me, old>=me.

How are you finding it?

You've got no hope of getting a man who ticks everything on this list as your friend has clearly got the only man in the world who fits this criteria.
I actually think that's really sad that lists like these are a thing. I met my DP and he ticks most things on this list (he's a fussy eater and absolutely hopeless with tools) but he's 5'8 and while I'm happy no one else snapped him up, it makes me sad to think that women rejected him because he's a little bit short.

Oh, and "career I respect" is awful. I'm guessing you don't mean "isn't a pimp" but more "someone in an office and not retail or a bin man". The pandemic has shown us how hard people in socially "undesirable" jobs work.

Surprised to see so many anti-vegetarians here! My non-negotiables were:

dog lover
left wing/socialist
feminist (as in, really thinks about and engages with issues affecting women not just talks the talk)
not too posh or we’d have nothing in common
curious about the world and engaged with current affairs
enjoys a deep theoretical debate/discussion
doesnt have or want kids
not bothered by following tradition
must want to stay in London long-term rather than move to the suburbs
creative - writing, art, music etc, has something they enjoy that isn’t just their work or watching Netflix
not sport obsessed
not a macho/manly man or preoccupied with ideas of what masculinity should be

I’ve found someone who ticks all of these. He is actually quite posh but very socialist and aware of his privilege, he’s a musician is the lower earner by quite some way, but the nature of his work means he’s around a lot to sit with my dog which saves a fortune in dog sitters as I pursue my career. He’s also bisexual (as am I) which I think really helps as we both have the same ideas on sex/gender politics and reject a lot of the more toxic aspects of heteronormativity (like being suspicious of opposite sex friends, for example).

I'm interested that the mile long list excludes anyone who isn't bilingual or who lives in Highgate, but doesn't say anything about driving. You may not need to drive if you live in Central London, but it's funny that he needs to be well travelled, good with tools, ambitious and a homeowner but not a driver. Obviously you can accomplish all those things without driving, it just seems odd that someone who makes a deal breaker out of them wouldn't throw driving in as well.

What's a "strong chin"? Popeye?

Crime (including small things as I don't want to be dragged to cross a road on a red man, for example)
Drugs
Addiction
Nasty
Not in right age group
Unavailable (doesn't just mean must be single, also means a job with standard hours, doesn't live too far away, etc. )

Interesting combination.

Bloody hell, that's a hell of a list! Why does someone need a post grad education? There's plenty of intelligent graduates with great careers. Also the fluency in another language? How does that maketh a man 😂

"Can cook (That is the most important one for me)"

Why is this the most important? I can see that it's useful, but above everything else??

Using making an atmosphere as a form of manipulation.

This made me laugh ido agree

Bloody hell, that's a hell of a list! Why does someone need a post grad education? There's plenty of intelligent graduates with great careers. Also the fluency in another language? How does that maketh a man.

It's picky, true. But those examples still strike me as being more worthwhile preferences than, for example, eye colour, or height.

Every time there is one of these threads someone will allege the list maker isn't worthy of such specific requirements.

For me the no vegan thing is about filtering out the sanctimonious. So it’s a bit unfair as they aren’t all like that.