Was he 'negging' me?

[Heytheredeliah]

Hi
I have been on a few dates with a guy I met on a dating app. He has talked a lot about his ex. I am not really sure why he was telling me all about her because I didn't ask and I wasn't really that interested. He said she was very beautiful, very intelligent, and very caring.

The way he talked about her made it seem like she was something extraordinary. I mean that he really built her up into some kind of wonder woman or something. By that point, I was curious to see what she was like, so I looked her up on social media. I found her Instagram, Facebook and LinkedIn profiles. I know this sounds nasty, but I really didn't think she looked anything special.

Do you think he was saying all of that about her to 'neg' me?

I think what he is saying loud and clear, whether he meant to or not is that he's not over his ex and shouldn't be dating.
Pass on this one.

Red flags ago go. Throw him back OP.

If she's so wonderful I'd be interested to know why she's his ex then.

Walk away, OP. He's still hung up over his ex.

He’s not over her, he’s trying to inflate himself by banging on about how extraordinary she is, plus…he’s a bore who isn’t interested in having a real conversation with the person in front of him.

Not negging but boring. Red flag!

What does negging mean?

He's either still hung up on his ex or he wants you to feel inferior to her and so thankful that a man who can get such a goddess wants to be with you. Either scenario is not good.

Lol bin him off. Clearly not over the ex.

Bigging up someone else (ie his ex) in front of the OP to get her to do the Pick Me Waltz, and saying things like I think you're really intelligent, caring and (whatever the ex is alleged to be) and then going on about how much more the ex had those qualities. And bigging himself up by association with such a sublime creature (who probably had the presence of mind to chuck him).

Backhanded compliments too - 'you look really quite pretty when you make an effort' type of thing.

Yes in a way, he doesn't care how it makes you feel to hear that, only wants to build himself up by saying his ex was amazing.

What I don't get is why he was/is so infatuated with her. She doesn't appear to be anything special. I have LinkedIn and Instagram and I know a stunningly beautiful, successful woman when I see one. She didn't appear to be that.

Because he's still in love with her OP. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You might not think she's anything special but he obviously does.

Why do you need or want to 'get' this?

Because when I don't understand something, it bothers me.

It’s not negging.

But he’s clearly not over her.

Had this on a first date with a guy, I laughed and after the tenth minute of spiel about her said it sounded like he was still in love with her and should go chase his dreams with her. Needless to say I accept his invitation for another date! He seemed shocked when I said it but it was clear as day. I told him I’d never try stand in the way of love 🤣

btw she can see you’ve checked her LinkedIn profile.

He's not negging you, he simply isn't over his ex. Definitely not ready for a relationship.

You'll be much happier in life and in dating when you come to understand that people will do stuff you'll never get your head round. Your time is wasted trying to work people out. Spend it finding people you don't have to work out. That's where the value is. That's what's worth doing. Not figuring out the brains of people who don't make you feel good.

What's the point?

@KingofLoss that depends on her profile viewing option which is under privacy settings.

Yes that's not really negging that's him being not over her.
I've had the same thing with 2 different men were they were gushing about the looks of their exes and when I saw them they honestly were below average. The men were good looking, too. One was like a young Ashton Kutcher and the other guy is like the green eyed man in Gwen Stefani's video of her song 'Cool'. I was shocked and it made me not care whether they found me attractive (I had a crush on them prior).

People have different tastes and a person can appear more beautiful when you love them or if you can't have them.

What a nasty response. She might be lovely, how can you tell by snooping on her profile? She hasn't done anything to you. He's the issue, as he's obviously still keen on her. I hate women putting down women based on social media. This presents you in a very bad light.

Throw him back in the sea.

I am not trying to be nasty. I am giving my opinion and saying why I am confused about why he was so infatuated with her.

Because she’s his type.