my husband hasn't slept with me for 4 years!

[Mikamakamoo]

Ok, that was really difficult to say. Impossible also to talk about with friends and family, but.. its true, since DS was conceived he says he has no interest. Have tried everything and I feel like the only woman in the world in this situation

Well Buda... that may well happen. My DCs are late teens and that is probably why I am feeling more resentful about the situation now, than at any other time. One DC has left home for Uni, and the other is not that far away and I can see a glimmer of what the future may hold and it is worrying me beyond comprehension....
I am like everyone else in this situation tho... married to a good decent man. I must be or I wouldnt still be in the marriage !

Have just spoke to dp who's spent his lunch hour getting me a new swimming bag and a running vest from JJB and (I did ask if he was going in but all the same.....he's a star and I've got lots to love him for).

But I just cant, can't switch off wanting that wonderful closeness with somebody but having been "rejected" by him so often, it's as if my body has said "ok, fine,you can't touch me at all then" and I can feel myself turning into a real ice monster. No matter how hard I try to engage some sort of "higher" and more compassionate self, it's a real visceral reaction. It's hurt I suppose.

Oh blimey, that sounds ever so pompous......

Robin, it's really good to hear a positive story but I'm getting the feeling this is a really tough one.

Is there a Dadsnet site with a similar discussion going on do you think??

Blimey Birdie... I could have written that second para of yours. After years of rejection.. if my DH gave me a peck on the cheek, I used to think 'OK so you think I'm happy with that do you? Don't bother....' The hurt goes very deep.

And I thought to myself... don't you dare to try it on with me after causing me such hurt by rejection for so many years, and I am sure that came across in my demeanour. Sadly, he never did test my reaction by trying it on though...

I would then pull myself together and banish those evil thoughts, but that didnt make any difference either!

Thank you so much to everyone who has posted on here, and been as brave as they have, it has made such a difference to how I feel about myself, and also think that perhaps the reason my husband doesn't fancy me might not after all be that I am a complete troll! which, seriously, I have been thinking.
Buda, Birdie, Mimi3, Tanee58 and 43today thanks so much for your honesty. I think the comment Birdie made about becoming an ice monster was so spot on. I don't choose to reject my DH when he tries to cuddle me and I certainly don't sulk (well, not about that anyway!) I just can't bear feeling like a sister or an auntie when I get a peck on the cheek.
btw, support group is fantastic idea, if I had any idea how to start one, I would xx

We have been through this over the years. We have had some periods of years where DH had no libido/performance at all. But it sounds as though his attitude was more helpful than your DHs - he would discuss it, and went to GPs and consultants and individual and couples counsellors and we tried everything on the market - viagra etc. to help with the problem.

Strangely though, in the last year (we have been together for 12 years) things have completely turned around. We are now having sex several times a week. He is so shocked by himself that he is in therapy again.

There is no obvious reason that either of us can name that has caused the turnaround. But I do think that in the course of a marriage there are probably good years and bad years. The barren years were TRULY AWFUL. But we stuck together. If you can keep talking about it and not go completely mad or stab him in the chest, then if his situation improves you will be able to both enjoy it.

Keeping open the lines of communication is the main thing. It's really, really important.

7 years and counting- it's a minefield, especially when you have a generally nice, generous man, children etc. Have tried most things but zero luck so far. I read and shop a lot....

I used to do a lot of needlepoint!